Christian Premarital Counseling- Why It Is Important and What to Expect

God intended marriage to be a lifelong committed union between a man and a woman. Rushing into it without taking the time to get to know each other through premarital counseling and understanding your expectations of marriage is a sure recipe for disaster.

Christian premarital counseling is key to building a solid foundation for a strong marriage based on biblical principles. It provides a safe, neutral environment in which a trained counselor can help you explore each other’s convictions and expectations for the future and address any significant differences before the wedding day instead of getting blindsided by them after you’ve tied the knot.

Engaged couples often tend to put off serious conversations about the tough stuff because they don’t want to think about it. Sometimes they think their love is strong enough to weather any storm, but if these potential problem areas are not addressed early on, they will surface down the road. Many, if not most, marital conflicts are rooted in unmet expectations.

During counseling sessions, the counselor will help facilitate dialogue about important issues such as your religious beliefs, the way you think about money, how many children you want to have, and how you expect to split household chores to make sure that you are both on the same page.

It is a great venue for clearing up misconceptions about marriage, setting goals, understanding your unique roles as husband and wife, and distinguishing between God’s standards and those of the world.

Besides helping you get to know each other more deeply, Christian marriage counseling serves another vital purpose. It helps equip you with the strong communication skills and effective conflict-resolution techniques that are the makings of a strong, successful marriage,

A good counselor will teach you how to express your needs and desires openly and honestly, in a clear, respectful way. They will help you prevents misunderstandings or misinterpretation of one another’s actions that can result from assuming your spouse knows what you are thinking and feeling.

Equally important, you will learn how to listen to one another in a fully engaged manner. This fosters a better understanding of each other’s perspectives, promoting compassion, and empathy rather than condemnation. It also helps you navigate the conflict together in a safe, constructive way that leads to a mutually acceptable resolution.

Common topics addressed during Christian premarital counseling.

Premarital counseling will guide you and your partner to answer questions on a variety of topics. These include:

What marriage commitment means to you.

• What drew you to each other?
• Why do you want to get married?
• What do you expect of each other?
• How would you describe your relationship?
• What does commitment mean to you?
• What do you expect to get out of marriage, and what do you expect to give?

Your spiritual life.

• Do you share the same views about spirituality?
• Will you have family devotions and pray together?
• What denomination church will you attend, and how involved will you be?

Note: If one of you is committed to following the principles in God’s Word, while the other chooses the way of the world, it will make it much harder for you to journey through life together.

Your goals and aspirations.

• What life goals matter the most to you?
• How about career and family objectives?
• What values are most important to you?
• What are your hopes, dreams, and fears?

Your roles as husband and wife.

• What do you believe the roles of husband and wife should be?
• Will one of you be in charge, or will it be an equal partnership?
• How will you divide responsibilities?
• Which behaviors are off-limits?
• How will you spend your free time?
• How much togetherness and time alone do you expect?

Finances.

• How do you view money?
• What is your financial history?
• Do you have a budget?
• What are your financial goals?
• What are your views about debt?
• Do you think you should have joint accounts or separate accounts?
• Who will be in charge of paying the bills?
• Will one of you be responsible for making financial decisions, or will you make them together?

Children.

• Do you want children? If so, when?
• How many would you like to have?
• How will you raise them?
• What will your parenting style be?
• Who will say home with them?
• Do you want to send them to public school, private school, or homeschool them?
• What kinds of extracurricular activities do you want your children to be involved in?

Living arrangements.

• Where do you plan to live short and long-term?
• Do you want to live near family or move elsewhere?
• Do you want to rent or own a home?

Work and career.

• What are your career goals?
• How will they impact your relationship?
• Will both of you work, or just one of you?
• Who will be the primary breadwinner?
• Would the other spouse be willing for him or her to work long hours or travel a lot?
• Would you be willing to relocate?

Relationship with in-laws.

• How should your relationship with your parents change or stay the same after marriage?
• How often will you see them?
• How will you spend holidays?
• What kind of boundaries will you maintain with them?

Sex and romance.

• Will you have date nights?
• How will you maintain closeness as a couple?
• What are your expectations around intimacy and sex?
• What do you need to feel connected and loved?
• What forms of sexual activity are acceptable, and what are off-limits?
• What things will most tarnish your sex life?
• What does infidelity mean to you?

Handling conflicts.

• How do you communicate with each other?
• How do you deal with disagreements?
• Are you able to forgive?

Supporting Scriptures.

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? – 2 Corinthians 6:14-15, NIV

Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so? – Amos 3:3, NIV

“Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” – Matthew 19:4-6, NIV

However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. – Ephesians 5:33, NIV

Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. – Colossians 3:18-20, NIV

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. – James 1:19-20, NIV

“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. – Ephesians 4:26, NIV

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. – Ephesians 4:32, NIV

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. – Hebrews 13:4, NIV

If you have questions or would like to set up an appointment to meet with one of the faith-based counselors in our online directory, please give us a call today. We can help with your premarital or marriage counseling needs.