Marriage Counseling

Christian marriage counseling can sometimes carry a stigma of pending marital disaster or desperation. But the sooner you seek counseling and the more intentional you are about repairing your relationship, the less time there is for things to spiral out of control. Many people wait seven to ten years after marriage problems begin before they seek counseling. At this point, unhealthy patterns are often so entrenched that the work is much more difficult. (But even then, change is still possible!)

Marriage therapy at Texas Christian Counseling can take different forms. It can be an annual check-in over several sessions, or it can be a final effort before divorce. No matter where you and your spouse are individually and in your relationship with each other and the Lord, a marriage counselor can meet you where you are and help you walk through the process together.

There are many reasons couples seek marriage counseling, and here are some we hear the most:

Poor/negative communication. As you read above, this problem is also one of the most common reasons for divorce. Lack of communication skills and habits can eventually lead to overtly negative communication, which tears down the relationship and hurts each spouse.

Infidelity. Whether physical or emotional, unfaithfulness wreaks havoc on a couple’s relationship and is one of the primary reasons couples seek therapy if they want to save their marriage in the wake of adultery.

Living like roommates. The responsibilities of life, parenting, careers, etc. can wear on the marriage relationship to the point that it is no longer a priority or no longer exciting. Marriage counseling can help you reignite the lost spark between you.

Lack of conflict resolution skills. Sometimes there’s no ill-will between couples, but when conflict inevitably arises, a lack of conflict resolution skills makes it difficult to move forward.

“Staying for the kids.” When the marriage has broken down to the point where the spouse(s) are just in it for practical reasons, this can cause stress and sadness.

Lifestyle choices. Sometimes spouses grow apart emotionally, and as things change over time, they want to live different lifestyles, in large or small ways. It can be hard to reach a compromise and resentment can build.

Parenting. Taking on the responsibility of raising children together can quickly become overwhelming and exhausting. Plus, it’s important to understand each other’s parenting approaches and present a united front. Counseling can help couples work through these issues.

Household responsibilities. Division of labor is one of the main parts of marriage that can lead to resentment and dissatisfaction, yet it can be one of the most difficult to address or change.

Substance misuse or abuse. If alcohol or other substances are involved in the relationship, it can lead couples to seek therapy to understand how to handle it.

Grief or loss. No matter what type of grief or loss a couple may experience it will affect their relationship as well. Navigating grief or loss while maintaining a healthy relationship is a huge challenge, and marriage counseling can help.

Marriage counseling isn’t for everyone. It requires certain prerequisites: both spouses agreeing to go, both being willing to work on the relationship, a baseline level of physical and emotional safety, and both spouses being in a mental and emotional place where they’re able to participate in therapy.

This means that certain circumstances or situations don’t provide the best context for marriage counseling. Here are five reasons marriage counseling may not be right for your situation:

1. Your spouse is determined not to go. In our counseling practice, we often encounter couples where one spouse is more reluctant than the other, but still willing to participate. If your spouse is completely unwilling, it’s fine to state your own desires and hopes for the marriage, but trying to beg or force your spouse to participate in counseling usually won’t result in a good outcome.
2. There’s active addiction. A spouse who is deep in the throes of substance abuse can’t fully participate in counseling. It’s more important to address the addiction first, before attempting to solve problems in the relationship. However, a spouse who is working on sobriety and receiving help can go to marriage counseling at the same time.
3. There’s abuse in the relationship. Whether physical, emotional, or verbal, abuse is harmful and can erode all safety, intimacy, and trust. It’s exceedingly difficult to fix a marriage with ongoing abuse. Marriage counseling is not recommended in abusive relationships because the abusive spouse may distort or twist the situation to their own advantage.
4. There’s ongoing infidelity. In the same way as the other “red flag” situations above, there’s no way to repair a marriage when an affair is still active.
5. There are untreated significant mental health issues. This point is not meant to stigmatize a spouse who has a mental health condition but to reiterate that it’s important for them to get the help they need before they can fully participate in relationship counseling.

So, if you and/or your spouse are experiencing any of the above issues, and marriage counseling isn’t a good option for you right now, what can you do?

Seeking individual counseling is probably a good first step. Your counselor can help you decide what the best approach is, what you want from the relationship, and help you find safety if you need to. At Texas Christian Counseling, we offer both individual and marriage counseling, so you can find a counselor that best fits your needs right now.

Marriage counseling is done by a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT) who is experienced in various methods, including emotionally-focused couples therapy (EFT) and possibly other approaches, such as the Gottman Method. During your risk-free initial session, you can ask your counselor about his or her approach and methods. You can also set goals for your counseling process and discuss a potential timeline for counseling.

What are some example goals for Christian marriage counseling in Texas? Common concepts that are worked on include:

• Assertiveness skills
• Learning each other’s triggers
• Healing from past pain
• Handling conflict in a healthy way
• Taking initiative instead of being reactive
• Learning more about each other’s personalities and pasts
• Building trust
• Practicing kindness
• Setting healthy boundaries with each other and those outside the relationship
• Making compromises
• Planning and setting goals for the future

Your specific counseling process will be based on your needs as a couple and your current life circumstances. Christian marriage counseling in Texas also considers the faith of each couple, their walk with the Lord individually and together, and the commands God gives us in Scripture to love and honor each other before him.

Since God is the one who created marriage and family, we can trust that he knows and cares about our needs, including within the marriage relationship.

Contact Texas Christian Counseling today to find out more about Christian marriage counseling for couples.