Christian Couples Counseling

Couples counseling, as the name suggests, is when two people in a relationship seek the help of a trained professional to either strengthen their relationship or deal with problems they’re unable to resolve on their own. It’s generally a term that encompasses counseling two individuals who are married but could also apply to dating or engaged couples or couples in long-term relationships.

Couples counseling is distinct from premarital counseling, which is generally conducted while a couple is engaged and is specifically geared toward preparing a couple for marriage. At Texas Christian Counseling, couples counseling is conducted by a licensed therapist such as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) who is trained to provide a neutral and positive voice in navigating relationship issues.

At Texas Christian Counseling, we recognize that relationships and marriage are both extremely important and extremely challenging! Hebrews 13:4 says, “Let marriage be held in honor among all” – but in a culture that does anything but that, it can be even more of a struggle to figure out the practical implications of that exhortation.

You might be thinking, what’s the difference between couples counseling and marriage counseling? That depends on who you talk to. Some will assert that the distinction is nothing more than semantics, a cultural preference for one term over the other.

In cultural contexts where marriage and family have a high value, marriage counseling might be the preferred term, where contexts that value a more analytic approach to relationships might value the term “couples counseling” for its more neutral tone.

Others would argue that marriage counseling is more focused on addressing present issues in the relationship, while couples counseling is focused on unpacking the more historical issues of a relationship. The scope and arc of both couples counseling and marriage counseling will be determined by the needs of the relationship and whether you call it couples counseling or marriage counseling is largely a matter of preference.

One distinction that could be made between couples counseling and marriage counseling would be the situation of a couple that has divorced or determined that they are not looking to reconcile their marriage. In this case, couples counseling might be the more appropriate term and goals could be focused on establishing co-parenting and other mediation to aid in a degree of closure.

Any couple that wants to deepen their relationship and address harmful patterns in their relationship can benefit from couples counseling. Many couples wait until their relationship is “on the rocks” to seek care, but counseling is most helpful when issues first begin to present themselves.

Some people even recommend couples counseling within the first months of marriage to work through the transition process. Melding two distinct individuals that have their own baggage, preconceived ideas, thought frameworks, and habits can be a lot trickier than it might seem when you’re starry-eyed newlyweds. There’s no shame in struggling or needing a wise voice to speak into issues that are a little too emotionally charged to navigate well on your own.

Couples counseling does not have to be a long-term intervention, and the sooner you seek care, the easier it will be to address the issue. A huge part of this type of counseling is teaching a couple how to use more effective communication patterns, teaching them to recognize triggers and establish safety in their relationship, and deepening trust and positive affect.

A well-trained Christian counselor in Texas will facilitate communication between the two people without taking sides. Their job is to reflect what they are seeing back to the couple. It’s so easy to miss what your spouse or partner is saying when you’re wrapped up in the narrative that you have going on in your head.

Slowing down, learning active listening, and having a contained space to work through difficult topics is invaluable because instead of a tough conversation leading to stonewalling, contempt, or shutting down, it can lead to a greater depth of intimacy and understanding.

Couples counseling is demanding work because it requires you to work through your issues, as well as how they contribute to your relationship. If there is significant trauma or a history of addiction, it’s wise to use couples counseling as an addition to individual counseling.

Many issues can be addressed in the context of couples counseling but in these cases, the individual dealing with a more extensive mental health challenge probably needs more customized support. Some couples will participate in individual counseling and marriage counseling simultaneously, others might alternate between the two.

Whatever the approach, it’s important for both people in the relationship to be invested if they choose to pursue couples counseling. If your partner is not open to couples counseling, then it will probably be more productive to seek individual counseling instead of dragging an unwilling person to counseling. In any relationship the only variable you can control is yourself. In an ideal world, both partners will be invested in making the relationship work, but this is not always the case.

An important caveat is that if you suspect you are in an abusive relationship it is wise to seek individual counseling first versus trying to go straight to couples counseling. If you believe you are in danger, please call a domestic abuse hotline or contact the relevant authorities.

Some of the most common issues that couples counseling addresses are:

• Communication problems
• Infidelity
• Betrayal trauma
• Parenting style differences
• Family dynamics
• Sexual dysfunction
• Addiction
• Co-parenting challenges

A couple’s issues are highly individual, so this list is by no means exhaustive. Often there are early hallmarks of relationship distress that signify the relationship is struggling, but these can be more subtle than outright betrayal.

The Gottman Institute, a renowned family and marriage counseling center, often references the “Four Horseman” – relationship patterns that signify a higher probability of relationship issues. These four things: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling, are destructive patterns that can wreak havoc in a relationship if allowed to continue.

If you find that your responses to your partner are constantly tinged with criticism or contempt, that you feel defensive often, or that you’re simply shutting down instead of trying to communicate, these are all indicators you could benefit from couples counseling. Even if you can’t put your finger on exactly where the issue began, a couple’s counselor is trained to peel back the layers and find the underlying cause of things. They can help you identify where patterns might have started and give you tools that work to bring healing and restoration to the parts of your relationship bearing harm.

Next steps

If you are reading this and thinking you could benefit from Christian couples counseling in Texas, you’re probably right! While it can seem intimidating to reach out for help or to broach the topic of counseling with your spouse, we want to make it as easy as possible. Finding a counselor that both you and your partner are comfortable with is an important first step. It might take a few tries before you find a good fit.

We believe that God is in the business of redemption, and are willing to hold the hope of healing for you as you work through the process. Give us a call today and let’s talk about how couples counseling could be a part of your story.