Family Counseling

Family counseling is a counseling option that addresses the whole family unit, rather than a single individual or a couple. The goal is to identify and help patterns of dysfunction, or in other instances to equip a family to handle ongoing challenges. This sort of counseling is often a short-term adjunct to individual or couples counseling.

A licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT) usually conducts family counseling, but other counselors who have received training in family counseling techniques might also employ it in their scope of work. Because by nature this type of work involves the whole family, it can be more time consuming and complex than individual counseling. It might also involve the whole family for some sessions and only certain family members for other sessions, depending on treatment goals and the issue being addressed. Despite the challenges it presents, family counseling can be an important key to maintaining the health of the family unit when it’s under strain.

Family counseling is most often employed in a situation where one member of the family is the “identified patient.” Perhaps the “identified patient” is a teenager dealing with substance abuse. While the teenager is certainly presenting with the most severe symptoms, there’s usually more to the story. The parents might be desperate for their child to be “fixed.” But the framework of family counseling understands that the struggles of one family member do not happen in a vacuum. There are components of the individual struggle that are rooted in the family system itself.

Christian family counseling in Texas can provide a window into individual struggles, while also providing a safe place for the family to examine and start to change patterns of communication or dysfunction that are not serving them. The biblical framework and instructions for families are about how to live in Christian unity, with the instructions being to “let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” (‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭4:31-32‬ ‭ESV‬‬) ‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬

Children are asked to “honor [their] father and mother” (Ex. 20:12 ESV) but parents are likewise directed to not “provoke your children to anger” (Eph. 6:4 ESV). In a family, parents bring their own patterns and behavior, often born out of their own wounding, into parenting their own children. While no parent or child will have a perfect relationship, there are certainly patterns of health and patterns of dysfunction. The “identified patient” can often be the most truthful member of a family, acting as the canary in the coal mine and alerting the family that things are not well. ‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬

Another scenario where family counseling is important is when an individual or the family as a whole is facing some sort of trauma or crisis that comes from outside the family. Medical crises, cancer diagnosis, difficult moves, military deployment, adopting a new family member, divorce or re-marriage, fostering children, navigating special needs of one family member, death of family member…. these are obviously only some of the myriad of challenges a family could face.

In many of these scenarios the family unit could be functioning quite well, but in order to process the difficulty of the experience they might need additional tools and support. Providing a space for all the members of a family to have a voice and to have their experience of the difficulty validated helps to prevent difficult experiences from being experienced as trauma.

By its simplest definition trauma is when an individual’s ability to cope is overwhelmed and the nervous system cannot process a situation. Providing additional resources and tools for processing difficult events can be the difference between whether someone suffers from long term effects because of a traumatic event or is able to integrate it successfully.

Your experience with family counseling in Texas will depend on the approach that your counselor takes and the needs and concerns of your family. In some styles of therapy, the counselor acts as a guide, asking questions, helping to uncover different dynamics and making sure that each family member has their voice heard.

For example, the teen who has recently been hospitalized because of substance abuse might feel like their parents are punishing them when they have all their privileges taken away, can’t drive, etc. Meanwhile the parents are scared out of their minds and acting in the only way they know how to protect their child. The siblings of the child might be frightened, confused and feeling abandoned because all of their parents’ attention has gone to the struggling child. There are a lot of emotions to unpack in situations like this.

A Christian family counselor in Texas could work to give each of these members a voice, and working to establish enough safety that the members can speak freely, in a nonjudgmental way. The counselor might work to create space for the child to speak freely to their parents about some of the anxiety, emotion or experience leading to substance use.

The parents might need more effective means to communicate how much they love their child when their care and concern is being experienced as punishment. The invisible child, who’s not struggling in such a disruptive way, might need a place to voice their deep grief in “losing” their sibling and their anger about their life being disrupted.

Obviously these are just some of the emotions that could be present for family members. Regardless of the exact experience, the goal of counseling is to hear what each person has to say and allow each family member to have his or her own voice instead of one person speaking for everyone.

A different style of therapy could involve the counselor joining with the family, engaging them in their unique style of relating. Allowing the dynamics of the family to unfold in real time shows the counselor a microcosm of what is happening on a larger scale and provides insight about what is working and not working for the family. This then provides information to start to shift things.

In a family that needs more education around a certain challenge, such as a medical or behavioral diagnosis, family counseling could look like equipping family members with scripts around behaviors or situations. For example, a family dealing with a parent suffering from dementia could benefit from knowing what to expect from the progression of illness, but also may need space to grieve the loss of their parent’s function. Counseling can provide a family with tools to manage anxiety and fear, provide a space to process emotions, give them a chance to tell the story of what has happened and allow them to feel validated.

The topics will depend on the family’s needs, but some categories that can be addressed through family counseling in Texas include:

• Substance abuse
• Addiction
• Divorce
• Blended family challenges
• Mood disorders
• Medical crises
• Chronic illness

This is not an exhaustive list, as families are varied and the individual struggles of a family can be as unique as they are. No matter the exact scenario, family counseling hopes to restore as much relational truth, honesty and goodness as is possible, despite difficult circumstances.

Next Steps 

If you feel that your family could use support and guidance, we would love to talk to you. Christian family counseling in Texas can be part of a multi-prong approach to helping your family learn new patterns. Whether you are dealing with a crisis now, or trying to prevent a challenge from becoming a traumatic experience, the Christian counselors at Texas Christian Counseling want to support you in whatever way they can. Please give us a call today so we can talk about your needs.

Sources:

Gasior, D. (n.d.). Family therapy techniques – Monmouth University. Retrieved March 21, 2022, from https://www.monmouth.edu/graduate/documents/family-therapy-working-with-challenging-family-dynamics-in-effective-manner.pdf/

GoodTherapy. (n.d.). Family therapy. GoodTherapy. Retrieved March 21, 2022, from https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/modes/family-therapy