Keys to a Fulfilled Married Life

The story of every marriage is unique to the people in it. Each couple will have their own story about how they met, what attracted them to one another, the obstacles they had to overcome to become a couple, and the various challenges and joys that have come their way since they began their relationship. No two stories will be the same, even when some of the broad brushstrokes are common and familiar to others.

This means that in one sense, it’s hard to speak to a couple’s situation without knowing their specific circumstances. It means that each couple will experience things in a slightly different context than other couples. That being said, it’s also true that we’re all human beings, and we are driven by the same things – the desire to love and be loved, to find a space where we are cherished, can cherish others, and become who God intended us to be.

What Marriage and Life Are All About

Marriage is a deeply intimate relationship; probably the most intimate relationship that a person is capable of. There are, of course, different forms of intimacy, and the richness and depth in every relationship will depend on the people in it and their dynamic. Two siblings may have deeper emotional intimacy than a married couple, for instance. Marriage thus has the potential to be more intimate than other relationships, but it might not fulfill its potential.

What makes marriage carry greater potential for intimacy is the sort of relationship it is. A couple can be emotionally intimate, but they can also be intimate physically, spiritually, intellectually, and in any other way possible. Scripture puts it this way – “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24, NIV).

Marriage is a unique relationship because the couple becomes one flesh in ways other relationships cannot. This adds an extra layer of complexity to the relationship, such as how to navigate your differences in a relationship that is that intimate and intended for life. Life with another person provides both opportunities for joy and for conflict to arise in the relationship.

Though marriage carries complexities that other relationships don’t, at the heart of all strong relationships, and indeed all of life, is the same thing – loving service. When He was asked what the most important commandment out of the entirety of God’s law was, Jesus said,

‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments – Matthew 22:37-40, NIV

Loving God and loving others as we love ourselves is what is required of us in all things. Of course, that sounds simpler than it is; however, boiling it down helps us understand the point. Loving another person will entail getting to know them, recognizing the best ways to communicate love to them, and moving toward them for their good (1 Corinthians 13). It will often require deep sacrifice to love others, but that’s what life is all about.

Challenges to a Fulfilled Married Life

At heart, what we’re all called to is simple – loving God, and loving others. The rest of the Bible fills in the details of what that love looks like, and it gives us many examples of God loving us well and demonstrating what love is (Romans 5:8). However, there are layers to this simplicity. One layer, for instance, is love languages. We understand love in ways specific to us and who we are.

Though loving another person has multiple layers, that’s what you’re trying to do, day in and day out, in your marriage. That’s the assignment. There are several challenges that get in the way of a married couple completing that assignment well. Some of these challenges are as follows.

Not putting in the time One challenge many marriages face is time. Life can come at you thick and fast, and if you’re not intentional about carving time out to be with your beloved, you can easily miss each other or grow apart. Work, chores, raising children, resting, investing in personal development, and self-care – these priorities can overtake a marriage.

Unresolved conflict Conflict in relationships happens. Conflict can be a positive thing because it provides you with an opportunity to clarify what matters to you and why. When a couple successfully handles conflict, they emerge from it with a better understanding of one another. Unresolved or ongoing conflict, however, can set spouses against each other, and it can poison the relationship.

Poor communication The best way for spouses to communicate what they need, want, prefer, are limited in, dream about, and fear is through their words. Expressing yourself clearly through your words is the only way to be understood. If a couple resorts to passive-aggressive communication or struggles to listen empathetically to one another, the relationship is in for a tough time.

Self-interest It’s one thing to have needs and seek to meet them, and quite another to consistently place yourself and your needs before those of your spouse. Selfishness can irreparably damage a relationship, making it difficult to be vulnerable and trust one another.

A couple can face many other challenges, including having poor boundaries within the relationship and toward others, such as extended family, financial stresses, illness and poor health, infidelity, addiction and substance abuse, grief and loss of various kinds, and much else.

Keys to a Fulfilled Married Life

It would be a mistake to assume that a fulfilled married life is trouble-free. Every marriage will face challenges, and sometimes these challenges are significant and life-altering. The question isn’t whether trouble comes in a marriage, but when it comes, and what tools the couple has on hand to handle it. Some keys can help a couple not only face challenges well but also enable them to have a fulfilled married life.

Some of the keys to a fulfilled married life include the following:

Anticipating trouble There’s a lot that can be said about being prepared, especially when it comes to facing trouble. We know that life is unpredictable, and we prepare for it in various ways. That’s why we have insurance and a first aid kit at home. Couples should also anticipate that issues will arise in their relationship and prepare themselves for them. That’s one place for premarital and couples counseling.

Willingness to talk A lot of things come up in a marriage, but one of the most dangerous places for a couple to be is when they stop talking to each other. It is vital to remain open to each other, with a willingness to hear the other person out. If your spouse does something annoying, fill the gap with grace and don’t assume that it was intentional until you have a conversation with them about it.

Carve out time to talk. Be intentional about connecting, because life will not slow down enough for it to happen on its own.

Being willing to serve If life and marriage are about love, surely love is about humble service toward each other. The happiest marriages are those where each spouse isn’t putting themselves first; they serve without expecting to be served back. When each spouse has this mindset and desires what’s best for their beloved, it makes a huge difference in their marriage.

Be attentive to each other’s dreams We all have dreams, things that animate us and get us excited about life and its myriad possibilities. Sharing your dreams can be a vulnerable thing, and not receiving support for your dream can be soul-crushing. A couple should be vulnerable enough to share themselves and be supportive of one another.

Along with being attentive to each other’s dreams, a couple should also be willing and able to have fun together. It takes curiosity and the desire to remain connected to each other for a couple to keep having fun and trying things together.

Be willing to forgive We will mess up and sin against each other. Without forgiveness, resentment builds and erodes trust in the relationship. Forgiveness isn’t a lack of accountability, but rather the willingness to let go of ill feelings. It’s a long process, one which undoubtably is helped along by the other party changing and stepping away from their harmful behaviors.

Finding Help for Your Marriage

Marriage can be hard, but you don’t have to figure it all out by yourself. You and your spouse can reach out and make use of a professional Christian couples counselor in Texas. Your counselor will walk with you as you have the hard conversations necessary to rebuild your relationship on a stronger foundation. Your counselor can also help you develop tools like better communication and conflict resolution skills.

To schedule an appointment for Christian marriage counseling in Texas, contact our office today.