10 Foundational Premarital Counseling Questions to Consider

Preparing for marriage is one of the most exciting times, and yet there are many important things to consider. Whether it is your first time preparing for marriage or if you have had experience with married life before, the act of joining your life with someone else’s is a complex process that requires practical and emotional preparation.

It often helps to know what kind of premarital counseling questions you might be asked if you went for premarital counseling. In general, they will help you prepare for marriage by asking you to consider several key areas related to married life. Ultimately, the best way to prepare for marriage is to discuss these important topics with your future spouse, alongside someone who can guide you toward a successful future together.

Premarital Counseling Questions

Many newly engaged couples begin their journey by focusing almost entirely on the wedding. Weddings are important and often require a lot of detailed, time-consuming planning. However, as important as wedding preparations are, they should not distract from the true work of being engaged, which is preparing for the marriage.

As with any relationship, the success and vitality of marriage begin and are fostered by open and honest communication. A counselor will help facilitate communication by asking premarital counseling questions that are designed to help you determine your values, hopes, expectations, and fears, both as an individual and as a couple.

You may disagree, argue, or feel called out in a premarital counseling session, but this is the time to experience these things. The premarital counseling questions might challenge you to communicate more honestly than you have until now.

It helps to have an idea of some of the premarital counseling questions you might be asked to know what direction the sessions might go in. It is even more important to remember that premarital counseling is not as much about answering questions as it is about learning to communicate honestly with your future spouse. Here are some of the premarital counseling questions you might be asked:

How do you handle conflict?

Every healthy relationship experiences conflict and tension. Some people, by nature, are more argumentative and confrontational, while others are intimidated merely by direct communication. How do you approach conflict as an individual? How do you reconnect after a fight as a couple? You will learn and grow through conflict as a couple. This may have started before the premarital counseling, but this is a moment for you to learn more about yourself and your future spouse.

How are you going to manage your money together?

Of all the things that couples fight over, money is possibly the most common topic. No one can avoid the role money plays in married life. Some of the things to consider surrounding the topic of finances are:

• What your individual spending and saving habits look like
• How you plan on handling debt
• Whether one or both of you will take an active role in managing your finances

Besides this, many couples benefit from considering things like whether they expect one of the spouses to be a sole provider, and how they might navigate unemployment.

Once you’re married, do your expectations of your spouse change at all?

You might have never considered what you expect of your partner in the present, let alone what you expect of them once you’re married. If you don’t know what you expect of your partner, then they certainly won’t know what you expect from them. You might expect your spouse to be a home-maker and housewife, or have an ambitious career, but they might have expected something different from their lives.

What are each of your household responsibilities?

person’s values are shaped mostly by

he home they grew up in. Some partners

row up with wildly different experiences

from their spouses, and so it helps to know your partner’s values in the home. You might be asked to discuss your values on household management, whether you consider gender-based chores to be relevant, and what kind of involvement each spouse will have in the running of the household.

What are your physical intimacy expectations and boundaries, and how do you think they might change over time?

While it is not the most important thing to consider, sexual intimacy is a vital topic in marriage. It helps to know what your partner expects regarding sexual intimacy, and to express your own expectations, reservations, and boundaries.

You might be asked to discuss your expectations and preferences for frequency of sex, and how you expect to navigate it in the distant future when you are older and your bodies have changed. Many people have anxieties, trauma, and fears regarding sex and intimacy, and this would be a great time to express them to your spouse.

What does your faith journey look like, and does it complement that of your future spouse?

Faith is not a static thing for some people. They grapple and grow in their spiritual experience, and it can be a complex journey that overlaps with trauma and negative past experiences. Other people have a calmer experience with faith and pride themselves on their steadfastness and unwavering belief. Could you foresee any issues in this area? Is there space to grow and change in the area of faith, and if that happens, how will it affect your spouse?

Are you aware of how your childhood experiences have impacted your development as adults?

Most couples get to know each other’s histories early in the relationship, but that is not always the case. How do you think your past experiences will affect your marriage? Are there any experiences that you haven’t shared with your partner? A counselor could help facilitate a safe place for you to share some of the difficult things you’ve kept to yourself up until now.

What are your ideas to emotionally support each other?

Knowing each other’s love languages and communication styles is important, but do you have an idea of how you would support your spouse through mental health issues? How would you handle them being depressed, overwhelmed, or anxious for more than a few weeks? Experiences like these are more common than many people realize. It is helpful to think about how you would provide emotional support and be emotionally supported by your spouse through future challenges.

What are your personal goals, aspirations, and plans for the future?

It’s okay to be uncertain about the future, but it’s also healthy to have goals. Getting married doesn’t mean you have to put all other aspirations on hold, but it does mean you have to communicate your hopes and dreams so that your spouse can get on board with them, help you achieve them, or challenge them if necessary. Do your plans have space for children if that’s what your spouse wants? Do you have a time frame for your plans?

What role will in-laws and extended family play in your marriage?

Different cultures have different approaches to family. Even if you have married someone who seems similar to you, they might still have a different relationship with their family than the one you have with yours. Your counselor might ask premarital counseling questions like:

• How involved or distanced will your in-laws and extended family be in your marriage?
• Will you have boundaries in terms of how often they can visit and how much notice you need to host them?
• Do you have a plan for navigating the holidays?

This is the perfect moment to express any struggles you’ve had with in-laws up until this point, and to craft a game plan with your spouse for handling them in the future.

Prepare for Marriage Together

Preparing for marriage is as exciting as it is daunting. If you would like to begin meeting with a premarital counselor, please consult our online catalog of counselors to find someone. If you would prefer, you may speak with our reception team, who will help connect you to someone appropriate.