Understanding Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a concept we hear throughout Scripture. We have the forgiveness of God to people, and we have forgiveness from one human to another. What is forgiveness, and perhaps more importantly, what is it not?

If you are someone who struggles with the concept of forgiveness, whether for something you have done or for something that has been done to you, keep reading to discover what the Bible says about forgiveness and how it applies to your life.

Understanding forgiveness of sins from God

The forgiveness of sins is one of the most crucial aspects of the Christian faith. First comes the awareness that we are sinners. We have not lived up to God’s standard; we have fallen short. Then we learn that God offers us free and full forgiveness through his grace (undeserved favor), including forgiveness of our sins through our belief in Christ’s death on the cross for us.

There are many Scriptural concepts intertwined with the concept of forgiveness. These include redemption (being saved from sin, error, or evil), covenant (a solemn agreement based on certain conditions), and belief (trust or reliance).

So, in the Bible, forgiveness from God means saving us from our sins, according to the promises he has made, as we put our trust in him. It means he no longer holds our sins against us.

“For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.” – Colossians 1:13-14, NIV

These Bible verses about forgiveness are a picture of redemption – being saved from darkness to light. They also show us that forgiveness of sins is through Christ alone.This is key to the Christian understanding of forgiveness.

“This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins.” – Matthew 26:28, NIV

Jesus’ blood was given for the forgiveness of sins in the covenant with God. Trusting him means trusting that his sacrifice was sufficient to pay for sin.

“All the prophets testify about him that everyone who believes in him receives forgiveness of sins through his name.” – Acts 10:43, NIV

Jesus is the fulfillment of the Old Testament prophecy, the law, and the covenant. Again, we see that forgiveness comes through him.And how that forgiveness comes is through faith or belief.

“In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace.” – Ephesians 1:7, NIV

We must never forget that our forgiveness is an act of God’s unmerited favor or his grace. Both redemption and forgiveness serve to paint a picture of God’s grace to sinners.

We must start here, in the understanding of vertical forgiveness, before we can truly understand the dynamics of horizontal forgiveness between humans on this earth. We must see God’s grace, promises, love, and faithfulness to sinners before we can fully appreciate what it means to forgive one another.

Understanding forgiveness between Christians

In light of God’s forgiveness to us as believers, we now have a perspective on forgiveness from one Christian to another. This is a concept we see come up frequently in Scripture, particularly in the New Testament.

Forgiveness can be understood as a one-way mindset. It’s the choice to not count someone’s wrongs against them. The reason forgiveness is different among Christians is that it ideally involves a process of relationship restoration.

In Matthew 18, we see the process of confronting another believer about sin. If they do not listen, take one or two witnesses. If even then the other person rejects your plea to repent, tell the church and potentially remove them from fellowship because they are proving their lack of repentance.

For minor offenses that don’t require confrontation, we see the concept of forbearance in Bible verses about forgiveness: “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” (Colossians 3:13, NIV). Having an attitude of forbearance means that we are gracious to one another and do not expect perfection.

Again, this does not mean that wrongs are never confronted; it simply means using wisdom to know when something needs confrontation and when something can be let go. And we are always acting out of love for the other person, even in the event of a confrontation.

Forgiveness takes one, but reconciliation takes two. Forgiveness + repentance = reconciliation. Sometimes part of repentance is making restitution for the wrongs we did to someone else. And forgiveness is not something we can demand from each other; rather, it is freely offered in submission to the Lord and in recognition of his grace to us: “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.” – Matthew 6:14, NIV.

Even “horizontal” forgiveness has a vertical component. After all, we can choose to forgive someone else, but we can’t control whether they forgive us or reconcile with us. But we do know that the Lord will bless a heart of forgiveness and that our relationship with him will be affected by our heart attitude.

Understanding the forgiveness of unbelievers

It’s relatively easy to talk about forgiving minor faults, interpersonal conflict, and low-level unkindness – but what about abuse, violence, or other kinds of violent acts that have been committed against you? Are we expected to blithely forgive and accept that person back into fellowship, friendship, or relationship? What happens if the person who abused you claims to be a believer?

All of these situations are far more common than we may realize. Abuse is also inherently confusing and often involves grooming and other predatory elements. So when the concept of forgiveness is introduced, a victim may feel overwhelming distress at the thought of having to forgive their abuser.

The priority for any abuse victim is safety. God is not on the side of the oppressor; we see that throughout the Bible (Psalm 9:9, Isaiah 1:17, Zechariah 9:10). He does not expect you to reconcile with anyone who may harm you, even if they do not go so far as to abuse you.

Forgiveness that re-traumatizes you is not forgiveness. It’s forcing a relationship that creates fear. Scripture reminds us that there is no fear in love (1 John 4:18). A relationship characterized by fear is not of God and not something you are obligated to participate in.

Any true Christian will not persist in an abusive pattern or in obligating a victim to a relationship they don’t want (Psalm 11:5, 2 Timothy 3:1-8, Galatians 5:19-21). Your process of healing and choosing to forgive can be done from a distance and cannot be imposed on you by those outside of your situation.

Whether or not a certain individual is a Christian is not for you to figure out. You can simply know that if someone has harmed you in a serious and significant way, whether they are continuing to harm you, you are not obligated to work out the situation between the two of you. Rather, you can rest in the protection of knowing that God loves you and cares for you and that he can give you the strength to forgive, even as you continue to protect yourself.

Christian counseling for forgiveness

In Christian counseling for forgiveness and relational healing, you will find understanding and compassion for your struggles, complex relationship dynamics, past wounds, and trauma. When you pursue healing, you will be in a healthier place to understand the biblical concept of forgiveness and how that may look for you.

If you are interested in individual counseling for relationships, forgiveness, faith, or other issues in your life, please contact our office today at Texas Christian Counseling to schedule your risk-free initial session.

You can start by browsing our online counselor directory, filling out our contact form, or giving us a call. The counselors at Texas Christian Counseling are skilled and experienced at providing therapeutic care from a biblical worldview. Don’t hesitate to reach out today.