Coping With Grief: One Year Later

Losing a loved one is traumatic. Coping with grief in the first year can leave you physically and mentally drained. Grief is unpredictable. It can sneak up on you and hit you like a wave. You may go days or weeks without a tear, and then a small object or the scent of a cologne can send you into an emotional upheaval.

When the first anniversary of your loved one’s passing comes along, it can feel as if it just happened in the blink of an eye, and simultaneously, as if it has been the longest year of your life.

Tips for Coping with Grief

Coping with grief takes a tremendous amount of energy. You feel the sadness and pain alongside the responsibility of carrying on, taking care of family, and other obligations. After several months, you may have gotten into a routine, moving about your day, and trying to keep your mind off who is missing.

But when the first anniversary approaches, the wound may reopen. Memories may come flooding back. Dreams may become more intense, and those moments of sadness may renew.

Take a deep breath and know that what you are feeling is normal, and it, too, is a part of the healing journey from loss. The following are several tips for coping with grief upon the first anniversary.

Let someone in

It is easy to isolate after a loss. Your heart is broken, and the thought of sharing that heartbreak with others somehow seems wrong. But letting someone in, whether a trusted friend or family member, relieves you of some of the emotional burden. The person you trust can share in the memories and also provide you with a solid place to land, grounding you in the present.

The first anniversary is a time for remembrance, but don’t do it alone. Lean into a close friend or family member at this time. Choose someone with whom you feel you can laugh and cry. Choose a person who understands loss and is available to be the first in your support network.

Process those emotions

Unprocessed emotions will only lead to physical and mental problems. For example, tamping down feelings instead of expressing them causes chronic stress and the release of stress hormones, like cortisol. Too much stress and a chronic state of fight-or-flight can result in high blood pressure, rapid heart rate, panic attacks, anxiety, depression, weight changes, appetite and sleep changes, headaches, digestive issues, and unexplained aches and pains.

Find a way to express your emotions. Consider journaling or engaging in other creative outlets, such as painting or drawing. Allow yourself the time to feel your emotions around the first anniversary. You may have different feelings one year later.

Perhaps you felt anger or resentment when the death first occurred, but now you have a different perspective and only feel sadness. In another year, you may be able to look back without the intense emotion. The feeling of missing your loved one will always be there, but the grief as a tangible force may have lessened over time.

Focus on your health

Although not expressly a part of the healing journey, focusing on your health the first year and beyond can help you move forward. You have a responsibility toward your loved one to care for yourself. This means attending all doctor appointments, taking medications correctly, exercising, eating healthy foods most of the time, and taking care of your hygiene and appearance.

When we lose a loved one, we tend to place ourselves on the back burner. Persistent sadness and fatigue can make it too much of an effort to shower and dress. Women may stop wearing makeup or fixing their hair. Men may stop shaving or trimming their beards. Getting dressed for the day may seem like too much time.

We no longer care for our own bodies. Yet, this is the only vessel we must live in for the time God has given us on this Earth. Focus on improving your health, one step at a time. Consult with a nutritionist, personal trainer, or counselor if you need help.

Avoid substances that numb the pain

As humans, we try to avoid pain and feeling uncomfortable. Coping with grief in a healthy manner means processing those emotions and giving them room, so that you can heal. If you numb the pain to the point that you can no longer feel sadness or hurt, the pain will manifest in other ways.

Alcohol, drugs, food, and other addictions can temporarily mask the grief, but eventually these vices will harm you physically, mentally, emotionally, relationally, and possibly financially. Consult with a counselor if you have found yourself numbing your feelings with substances or activities that will only hurt you in the end.

Honor your loved one on the first anniversary

Allow yourself to remember your loved one on the first anniversary. Instead of hiding indoors or staying in bed, consider honoring them with something special. Perhaps visit the cemetery with their favorite flowers, invite people over for dinner to share memories, or watch your loved one’s favorite movies.

Think of the first anniversary as more of a celebration of life. Celebrate who they were in your life and in the lives of others. By shifting perspective and focusing on the day, you appreciate what they brought into the world and how much better your life is because you knew them.

Brainstorm ideas for managing special occasions

Besides the first anniversary, you will experience special occasions and holidays without your loved one. These days may bring a new wave of grief. Prepare yourself by brainstorming ideas for creating new traditions.

For example, if this is your first Christmas without your spouse, spend a few minutes honoring them by doing something special that the two of you loved. But also create a new tradition just for you. You could watch a movie that the two of you loved, then attend a Christmas cantata with a few friends.

Take time off to reflect

As the first anniversary approaches, prepare for your emotions by taking a few days off from work. You may want to delegate tasks to others. Take time off from work or school. Take it easier on the days leading up to the date, especially if your emotions are running high.

Give yourself the time to reflect on the memories and the goals you have set for yourself to move forward.

Forgive yourself

If you are holding onto anger, bitterness, resentment, guilt, or shame from something you said or did (or didn’t say or do) to your loved one, it is time to forgive yourself. Or, maybe your loved one said or did something that hurt you and never had the chance to make it right. Holding onto these emotions over time only burdens you. Set yourself free by letting it go.

If you are having trouble forgiving yourself or your loved one, turn to God and read Scripture about forgiveness. For example, John 1:9 reminds us that when we confess our sins to God, He forgives and cleanses us from all sin. Matthew 6:14-15 also reminds us that when we forgive others, God also forgives us. If you struggle with forgiveness, a Christian counselor can help you.

Find a support group

A support group offers encouragement and advice when you need it most. Attending meetings before the first anniversary can prepare you for any negative thoughts or emotions that may occur. Support groups are excellent places to role-play how you will manage holidays and other events. You can also offer support to other participants who may have just lost a loved one.

Grief Counseling Now Has a Virtual Option

The grieving process is personal. No one grieves the same way or for the same length of time. However, if coping with grief interferes with your daily life and responsibilities and your ability to move forward, reach out for help. Grief counseling now offers a virtual option for those who prefer to stay at home. We also offer in-person sessions at our Christian counseling center. Contact us today to get started.