Anger at the Wheel: Signs of an Anger Issue

Sometimes, the small things can be indicators of bigger things to come, and what seems innocuous can turn out to be problematic later. Signs of an anger issue might be small or subtle, but they shouldn’t be ignored. When the space shuttle Challenger had an issue with small rubber O-rings (simple circular seals around the diameter of a coin), it led to disaster for the entire crew. Similarly, anger can overthrow a person’s life, causing a lot of damage.

Is anger good or bad?

The word anger might bring up specific images for you. This could be culled from media or perhaps from real-life experiences that you’ve had. Anger is a lot of things, but quite often anger looks and feels ugly. It’s the sort of emotion that might pull us in, but it leaves regret in its wake. Most of us have experienced anger in ourselves or from others, and it’s the sort of experience we’d rather avoid. Anger leaves a bad taste in one’s mouth.

It’s important to remember that anger is a God-given emotion. Like all things the Lord has given us, anger can be turned to ungodly purposes. This doesn’t alter the fact that anger is part of our makeup, and that’s how we were designed. In its proper place, anger alerts us to things being out of alignment, whether that’s injustice, personal boundaries being violated, or because loved ones are in danger of harm and need protection.

Scripture acknowledges anger, and we find Jesus feeling angry at willful blindness as in Mark 3:1-6, for example. There is such a thing as righteous anger, which is anger aroused by an appropriate object or situation and expressed appropriately in turn. God is angry about sin because of how it damages us and the world around us. His anger moves Him to act lovingly, justly, and graciously about that sin.

There is a difference between anger as an emotion, along with the right uses of that anger, and what happens when anger masters you. When anger crosses the line and stops being something that you feel, instead becoming something that rules over or controls you, anger is no longer serving the purpose the Lord set for it. That is when anger erodes relationships, peace, health, and even spiritual witness.

So, is anger good or bad? It’s a bit simplistic putting things that way, but we can talk about it by saying: it depends. Anger can be a good thing when that anger is doing what it is supposed to, but it can also be bad when it gets out of hand and isn’t expressed appropriately.

When anger is in control, it’s dangerous for everyone around you, including yourself. The problem with anger and anger issues is that they are sometimes subtle and don’t announce themselves as we would imagine. That’s why it’s important to know the signs of an anger issue.

The Signs of an Anger Issue

Anger can be subtle, and there are some behaviors that you might not even think of as angry simply because they don’t look like you think anger is supposed to look. Anger issues can creep in bit by bit. They can become normalized by habit, or over time, you can find yourself minimizing them because of feeling shame at what your anger does to you and the people around you. Some signs to look out for include:

Struggling to let things go: It’s not unheard of for someone to carry a grievance for days, weeks, months, or even years. People do cause us harm, but if you find yourself nursing a grudge, replaying offenses in your mind, or building up a mental case against the people who have wronged you, your anger has morphed from being a moment into a stronghold in your life.

Your anger is disproportionate: Being angry is one thing, but it’s important to ask if the anger matches what aroused it, and if the reaction is justified. An anger problem will often reveal itself when there is a consistent mismatch between the trigger for anger and the reaction. When small frustrations regularly produce a firestorm or resentment that lingers, it’s a sign that anger has a hold on you.

Your anger frightens others: It’s worthwhile looking within for the signs of anger issues, but other signs could come from the people around us. How others are around you tells you something important. If your children walk on eggshells around you, if your spouse is anxious in your presence, or if colleagues aren’t eager to collaborate or bring you difficult news because of how you’d react, pay attention to that.

You use anger as a tool: One of the ways anger can be abused is when it starts to function as a means of control and not just as an honest expression of feeling. Anger becomes harmful when it becomes a way of getting what you want from other people. This could look like withdrawing in a cold silence to punish someone, being intimidating to shut down conflict, or raising your voice to make others back down.

Deep regret after anger passes: The Lord made us with the capacity for remorse and to understand the impact our words and actions have on others. If you find yourself regularly making apologies and amends for things you said or did in anger, if you find yourself feeling shame for your actions, but the cycle keeps repeating like a bad dream, that pattern could be pointing to anger issues.

Do you repeatedly regret the way anger leads you to hurt others, but change isn’t forthcoming? The lack of lasting change suggests that the roots of the anger haven’t been unearthed and dealt with.

Anger is affecting your health: Anger isn’t just a mental thing, a set of thoughts roiling around inside of you. Anger is also a physical thing, and it manifests physically through things like a rapid heart rate and clenched muscles. Chronic and unmanaged anger results in tension headaches, trouble sleeping, and high blood pressure. Your body keeps score, telling you that you may have anger issues.

Unhealthy coping mechanisms: The healthy way to deal with anger is to express it in a calm, clear manner that doesn’t blame, shame, or harm others. Suppressing anger, letting anger explode, being passive-aggressive, or directing the anger at yourself are all unhealthy ways of expressing anger. Some people turn to alcohol, food, overwork, or other numbing behaviors to deal with anger, and this isn’t healthy.

Turning to these and other behaviors after an angry episode or when you anticipate such a situation indicates that you’re feeling angry but not processing it properly. Not facing your anger and processing it is a sign that you may have anger issues.

What to Do with Signs of Anger Issues

If you encounter these signs of anger issues in your life, what comes next? For one thing, recognizing these signs shouldn’t be cause for shame. When we fall short, one common response is to withdraw into ourselves or try to hide those shortcomings, perhaps even from ourselves. We might even deflect and try to blame others for it. It’s certainly what the first humans did (Genesis 3:7-13).

Instead of withdrawing, deflecting, or denying, seeing these signs should be seen as an invitation to healing. The Lord wants us to be whole. He wants our lives to be lives of abundant joy, peace, love, patience, self-control, and a lot of other amazing things that are good for us and for the world (Galatians 5:22-26). You don’t have to navigate this journey alone. Christian counseling for anger can be your courageous first step.

Christian counseling for anger can offer you an opportunity and space to work through the roots of your anger. Anger is often not the core issue that’s affecting you; it may be a symptom of deeper wounds such as grief, past trauma, unmet needs, or fear. Counseling is a space where compassion, honesty, and grace are at the foundation, and those wounds can be tended to.

Help is available. You can reach out to our office or browse our online counselor directory to take anger out of the driver’s seat and start moving toward healing and wholeness.