Christian Couples Counseling to Work Through Loss

Life comes with its fair share of challenges, and every couple will face these in their relationship. In the vows that a couple makes as they commit to each other, there is usually a line about remaining steadfast through the lean seasons, when things get hard, “in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer”. Such a vow is a huge undertaking, but it’s a sober reminder that challenges will come, and they’ll be hard to weather.

One set of challenges that a couple will face in one form or another is loss. Life east of Eden is marked by sorrow amid our joys, and we need support from our loved ones and others to walk through that loss and find ourselves again. Christian couples counseling can be a powerful tool to help a couple work through loss and support them during a difficult season.

Loss in The Lives of Couples

When two people come together to form a relationship, they bring their separate lives and choose to do life together. They share life’s joys and pains, celebrating and weeping together because they’ve chosen to open themselves to one another. A couple can experience loss from many different facets of their lives, and that loss can profoundly affect them.

Some of the different types of loss that a couple can face in their life together include bereavement. One or both spouses could lose a parent, or another loved one who’s close to them, like a sibling or beloved grandparent. A couple can also lose their child together, a devastating loss that can alter the dynamics, communication, and emotional well-being of the couple.

A couple can also experience other forms of loss, including going through miscarriage or infertility. The loss of a baby or the inability to conceive leads to deep grief for many couples, and it can become a source of anxiety, fear, and conflict for them. The couple may also face health-related losses such as chronic illness, diagnosed mental health concerns, disability, or a terminal diagnosis.

Another form of loss could come in the shape of loss of employment. Losing work means many things, including losing financial stability, a sense of safety, and even an identity crisis for both spouses as they figure out what it means to handle life under changed circumstances. Work can anchor a person’s sense of self, including routines, feeling useful, and having a sense of purpose, and losing that work or retiring often requires readjustments.

Lastly, a couple could also face the loss of intimacy or trust in their relationship. Such emotional or relational loss can stem from prolonged conflict that drives a wedge between them, or infidelity that shatters trust and emotional safety. Whether gradual or sudden, the loss of intimacy in a relationship is a very real loss that can bring about grief as the couple wrestles with their identity and future.

Some Challenges Couples Face Amid Loss

When people grieve, they experience many different emotions. Some of these include anger, guilt, sadness, relief, regret, longing, resignation, and other thoughts and emotions that swirl around in their hearts and minds. It’s not uncommon for people to lose sleep, experience changes in their appetite, feel fatigued, struggle to concentrate, and much else besides on account of grief. This can affect how a couple relates to each other.

Grief disrupts how a person is, how they think, act, and feel. When two people are in the same boat, they face the challenge of making sense of their own experience while trying to provide support to each other. For couples, one challenge they face is navigating differing grieving styles and honoring each other’s way of grieving. One partner might internalize their emotions, while the other is expressive. Such differences can cause conflict.

Another result of grief is that it makes it harder for people to articulate their feelings and thoughts. Grief can affect a person’s cognitive functions, including their ability to think clearly, remember things, or concentrate. This can make communication harder to do and potentially lead to more misunderstandings, and when breakdowns in communication occur, that can create or worsen conflict.

Couples that are grieving may also find themselves withdrawing, leading to feelings of isolation. Grief may cause withdrawal from others and spaces of social connections, for a variety of reasons, which may include not knowing how to be with others while making sense of the loss. The couple may be experiencing the same loss, but they can feel isolated from each other and as though they’re grieving by themselves.

When couples grieve differently, or they feel isolated and emotionally disconnected from each other, it can create room for resentment and blame to surface. Feelings of anger at the loss can be easily and unfairly redirected toward one’s spouse. Losing a job or experiencing a miscarriage can draw unspoken blame and resentment, which quietly but effectively chips away at the relationship.

Lastly, the couple could also undergo a spiritual crisis because of the loss. Loss can be a huge challenge to a person’s faith, and how the couple processes this loss while trusting the Lord through it can produce strain for them and their relationship.

Christian Couples Counseling to Help with Healing

Couples counseling can be a huge help for couples who want to strengthen their relationship, nurture intimacy, improve their communication, and overcome conflict in healthy ways. Loss can drive an unexpected wedge between people, and seeking counseling can help the couple identify ways to support one another while they give each other room to grieve in the ways that make the most sense to them.

You can reach out and talk with a Christian couples counselor to help you work through your loss as a couple. Some of the ways your counselor can help you include the following:

Grief education Your counselor can help you understand grief, including the grieving process and how it affects you. Knowing this can help you to normalize your feelings, as well as anticipate the ways your grief will shape your behavior, and how best to support one another.

Active listening exercises Your counselor will help you with active listening exercises, which help you to hear each other’s thoughts and emotions without judgment. Listening well is a gateway to true understanding and knowing how best to stand in the gap for each other during this difficult time.

Practicing forgiveness Your counselor will also use techniques like guided conversations or prayers that are focused on forgiveness. That forgiveness may be aimed at any real or perceived blame toward God, yourself, or your spouse. Releasing feelings of anger or resentment can help you avoid attacking one another at a time when you need each other most.

Reflection and joint spiritual activities Your counselor will also walk with you, exploring Scripture, talking through the promises of God, and finding meaning, solace, and peace in the center of the storm. They may encourage you to engage in shared prayer, devotional readings, fasting, or other shared activities that can help you draw closer to the Lord and each other.

Therapies Using therapies such as narrative therapy or emotionally focused therapy (EFT) can also help a couple as they grieve. Narrative therapy encourages a couple to share their story of loss in a collaborative manner, which can foster a mutual understanding of the grief they share. EFT helps the couple to identify, express, and validate each other’s emotions, helping them to nurture intimacy.

Next Steps

Loss can be deeply isolating, and couples may struggle to find each other at this crucial time when they need support. Through Christian couples counseling, partners and spouses can have a space where they can process the loss together. Drawing from the wisdom in Scripture, using practical tools and various therapeutic techniques, Christian couples counseling can help a couple survive their grief and grow stronger bonds through it.

To learn more and to schedule an appointment, contact our office today.