Divorce and Children: Supporting Your Children’s Faith Through Divorce

Divorce can be a confusing and painful time for everyone involved, but especially for children. Their social life, routine, and relationships can all be upended, but what can be even more derailing is the negative impact it can have on their spiritual life. As their world shifts, the foundations that they once thought were unshakable are suddenly uncertain. They may question whether God is still present amid all the chaos and whether He still loves them.

Divorce and Children: What Your Children May Need

They need to know God is still here

Children often wonder where God fits into their changing world during a divorce. They may have been taught that God is the one who holds families together. But when their family starts breaking apart, they can feel confused, abandoned, or maybe even guilty. They might wonder whether God is mad at them as their family changes.

There’s no doubt that divorce can shake both your spiritual foundation and that of your children because their understanding of God is deeply tied to their understanding of their earthly family. Maybe yours is too.

The family they have known their whole life is directly tied to how they derive security and love. It’s their closest earthly example of a Heavenly Father’s love. When this bond is broken in their human family, they might assume their other connections can also be severed.

As their parent, it’s important that you help rebuild that foundation by reminding them that God is perfect, but humans still make mistakes. That God can take those mistakes, those broken pieces, and can mend them together into something beautiful and strong. When you point your children toward God, you give them an anchor in the storm that is divorce. And you remind them that their identity isn’t tied to your marriage, but to God, who is unchanging.

They need consistency in their spiritual routine

When chaos ensues and life feels unpredictable at best, it’s important to maintain consistency in their routines. That goes for their spiritual habits too. Children rely on their routines and spiritual habits, and in the midst of a divorce, it is not the time to change those predictable habits.

If they’re used to attending church or Sunday School, it’s important to maintain the same schedule. If they’re used to family devotions, prayer before bedtime, or listening to worship music on the way to school, continue engaging in these activities. These small spiritual habits will not only help them find stability in a tumultuous time but also bring them a sense of security as they grow closer to God.

They need you to model faith (even when you’re hurting)

Children learn about God by watching you. Of course, there are other ways that they can learn about Him, like through sermons and Sunday School lessons, but you are their most constant example.

Because you’re their most prominent model of the faith in their lives, it’s vital that they see you exercising your faith in real time, in your daily life. Let them see and hear you pray through your pain. Let them see you read the Bible and let them hear you worshiping God. You may not feel like you’re being a model parent or prime example of God’s love.

Doing these things shows your children authenticity, transparency, and models reliance on God even when you’re struggling with your own emotions. And even in those moments when you feel like you have totally messed up their lives, you can show them how you trust God. Then they can see how God rescues you in hard times.

They need other Christian adults in their lives

While you are the primary source of your children’s spiritual exposure, having other Christian adults in their lives can be wildly beneficial. When you feel weak, lonely, and unsure of your own faith, it’s nice for you to know that your children have others they can turn to for sound biblical guidance. It’s also nice knowing that you have others who will pray for your children when your brain is racing too fast to pray.

Surround your children with other Christian families who can mentor, pray for, and support them in their desire to learn more about God. Talk with your youth pastor. Tell them about your current situation and ask them to take a more active role in supporting your child through the difficult time.

If you have godly grandparents in your children’s lives, don’t limit their time with the kids just because they may be part of your ex’s family. Understand that those people may be part of the link that draws your children to God.

They need help, and they need you to find it for them

You’re busy and stressed, and have feelings of your own to work through, but your child needs help working through their own stress and feelings, too. Unlike you, they don’t have the maturity, vocabulary, and resources to deal with it or know where to turn.

They may want to talk about their feelings with someone, but because their world has been turned upside down, they don’t know who they can trust. Grandma seems to have taken a side. Friends gossip. Mom and Dad are clearly at their breaking point and don’t need more stress. They need someone who not only understands them but also offers an unbiased perspective.

Putting your child into Christian therapy while you’re going through a divorce will give them an advocate, an ally, and a stable third party that only has their best interest at heart. They don’t have to worry about offending one side of the family or divulging family drama that might later turn into gossip.

In therapy, your child can relax and focus on their own emotional and spiritual needs. A good therapist can give them the vocabulary they need to express themselves, as well as the platform and encouragement.

A Christian therapist can also help to lead your child back to the loving arms of the Heavenly Father. They can show them that God’s love isn’t conditional or tied to their human condition. God’s love is infinite, unchanging, unwavering, and complete. And when they cling to Him, even when the world is shifting around them, they can find stability and peace.

They need hope for the future

The crisis of divorce doesn’t just affect your child’s present life. It can make the future feel uncertain and scary. They may wonder what life will look like, if family gatherings will ever feel normal again, or even if they will ever feel a sense of security.

Giving your child hope will set them up to have faith. As you’ve probably heard a hundred times, “I don’t know what the future may hold, but I know who holds the future.” (Ralph Abernathy) It might be cliché, but it’s also true. You may not know what the future holds for you or your children. Your housing, job, social circles, and finances might be on shaky ground, but you can demonstrate your faith by talking positively about the future with your children.

Jesus Loves Them

Divorce is a major life event that will change the shape of your family. But it doesn’t have to dismantle your child’s faith and emotional well-being. By your example, and with your assistance, your child can find peace in the middle of chaos. They can learn to grow in strength as they emerge from this season with victory, coping skills, and a renewed relationship with Jesus.

To connect with me or another Christian therapist in our online directory, contact our reception team today.