Why Your Circle Matters: Female Friendships

Female friendships change over time as we change. Sometimes we are lucky enough to keep friends from our childhood, but new friendships get us through a new season of our lives.

Do you remember your best friend from elementary school? How about your closest friend in junior high or high school? Do you still have the same friendships, or have your friendships evolved over the years to include women more like you? Maybe women who have husbands and children? Or women who have retired from work like you?

 

 

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity. – Proverbs 17:17, NIV

Strong female friendships can give you the support and backbone you need to make decisions. They can teach you empathy in a hostile world. But the wrong “friend” can destroy your reputation, your marriage, and your home. Your circle matters.

Why female friendships matter.

Female friendships are special. If you have a close female friend, she is probably your confidant. You may be closer to her than you are to your biological sister. You are there for each other no matter what. She is loyal and honest. You can trust her with your deepest secrets.

Maybe you have not had a friend like that in a long time. Unfortunately, life throws curveballs our way, and our friendships can get derailed. Friends in the past may have spurned you. You may have thought you had a good friend, but she gossiped about you. Maybe this “friend” was the reason for your divorce.

Yet, strong female friendships can provide us emotional support during times of great trials. A talk with a good friend can boost your confidence and self-esteem. It can give you the courage to leave a toxic relationship or a job. A deep conversation can allow you to support a friend.

Friendships with the right women can give you a sense of belonging and acceptance. If your friends are in a place you want to be – in their marriage, career, or finances – pay close attention to how they lead their lives. Your friends can also be your role models or mentors.

You know it’s not possible to simply walk up to a friendly woman and declare that you are now best friends. You must put the work into female friendships if you want them to last and grow deep roots.

How to form and nurture a friendship.

If you want to make new friends, you must be approachable and open. Friendships require a give and take, but you must give a little more than you take. Try to bring more to the relationship than is expected. Little things like notes, small gifts, and cards can make a person feel better about their day or situation.

So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets. – Matthew 7:12, NIV

You want to treat a friend the way you would like to be treated.

Be authentic.

Sometimes in our quest to make friends, we may bend the truth to impress them. But if you want a friendship that will last, always be honest with the other person. Being vulnerable is an aspect of forming friendships. Vulnerability is not a weakness; vulnerability shows a caring side to you.

Authenticity is something you want to see in a potential friend. You want this friend to have the same values as you. If a girlfriend has betrayed you in the past, you may be hesitant about sharing personal information with a new friend. You do not need to share everything. Just be yourself and see where the friendship takes you. This new person may become your closest friend for the next several years.

Be interested.

Have you ever tried to have a conversation with someone while they played on their phone? Or tried to carry on a conversation with a person as their eyes glazed over? How did that make you feel? When conversing with a friend, take an interest in what is being said. Place your full attention on your friend.

You know how rude it is when someone scrolls through their phone while you are talking. Give them your undivided attention and listen intently to what they have to say. Ask questions to make sure you understand. Later, when you see them or talk with them on the phone, ask them about what they told you. A little effort goes a long way.

Don’t air dirty laundry.

Ever had a friend gossip about you to others? The betrayal probably left deep pain in your heart. Betrayal hurts. It leaves you doubting yourself as you feel embarrassed and humiliated. It should also leave you wise enough to know not to betray a friend.

Even if you and a friend have a falling out, do not air their dirty laundry for all to see. Keep confidences close. When a friend shares a secret with you, they expect you to keep the news to yourself. Maybe they shared with you to lighten the burden from their shoulders. Maybe they needed someone to vent to about their marriage or a relationship. It is not your place to betray their trust.

Be there when she needs you.

It will not always be feasible but make an effort to be available when a friend needs you most. Maybe she just broke up with her boyfriend, or her marriage is imploding. Maybe she lost a parent, or her child is sick. Perhaps she is sick. Whatever the reason, try to be available for her.

Sometimes, your friend may not be looking for advice in these cases. She may only need a friend to sit with her and be a silent support while her world is crashing down. If she wants advice, she will ask for it. For now, serve in whatever capacity she needs from you.

If your friend is expecting people to her house because of a death, consider quietly cleaning and straightening her home or making food for her guests. You may want to leave her a card reminding her that you are only a text or phone call away.

Always honor your friends.

Honoring your friends means standing up for them behind their backs. It is speaking well of them to others. It is honoring their time by showing up when you say you will. It is treating your friends with respect and dignity.

The little thoughtful things count when honoring a friend:

• Remember the details about her favorite foods or coffee.
• Send her a card letting her know you are thinking about her.
• Volunteer with her to support her favorite charity.
• Buy from her if she is trying to run a small business.
• Invite her on shopping trips or errands.
• Pick up something special for her.
• Craft something specifically for her.
• Help her during a crisis.

If your friend, her spouse, or one of her children is struggling with a condition, research the condition. Even if the medical diagnosis is out of your control, being knowledgeable about the disease or illness can help your friend through it.

Go the extra mile. Be the friend you want to have in your life. The more you reach out and be that person, the more you will draw people like that to you.

Feeling lonely?

The busyness of life has a way of closing off our friendships. If you have allowed life to derail your female friendships, reach out to a few people today. Invite them out to lunch or dinner to catch up. You might be able to reconnect.

Contact our office today if you struggle with making friends or suffer from social anxiety. We can connect you with a Christian counselor specializing in anxiety and communication skills. Do not go through this life alone. Call us today to get the help you need.