How to Reframe Your Thoughts: Addressing Cognitive Distortions

It’s no secret that the way we think is a direct reflection of our actions and attitudes. No matter what type of thought, it will reflect how we feel. Positive thoughts tend to reflect feelings of joy and energy, while negative thoughts are linked to sadness and depression. Negative patterns fall into what is called cognitive distortions. “Should” statements are a big part of negative thinking. They often create an unhealthy perception that can trigger mental health issues.

To reframe the “should” statements, individuals need to understand how to identify those statements and change the way they speak about them. Cognitive behavioral therapy is one way to understand the impact of “should” statements and how to refrain from them. Acknowledging that “should” statements are a faulty thinking pattern will help the individual get started reframing their thoughts.

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. – Romans 12:2 NASB

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Cognitive Distortions: Definition and Causes

Cognitive distortions are simply an exaggerated way of thinking, often in irrational and negative ways. Cognitive distortion is a game that the mind plays with itself. It can cause a person to have false beliefs about the world and themselves.

Most people encounter cognitive distortions on occasion. It is most common when a person is sad or depressed. Recognizing this type of thinking helps us stop engaging in this negative process.

The causes of cognitive distortion are typically related to experiences that have resulted in some sort of negative emotion. High stress, childhood trauma, or traumatic life events often play a part in cognitive distortion. Cognitive behavior therapy is designed to bring the individual to a place of recognizing these issues and understanding how to reframe the negative thinking associated with the events.

“Should” Statements and Cognitive Distortions

Because cognitive distortions are common, they can show up in a person’s thought process in many ways. When it comes to “should” statements, individuals tend to think that they are more motivating rather than negative. In reality, it is a distorted thought that a person believes will push them to productivity. This makes a “should” statement less motivating than it is intended to be.

Most of the time using a “should” statement can cause a person to feel discouraged and inadequate. Sometimes there are more negative thoughts linked to the “should” statement. For instance, “I should exercise more, but I don’t because I’m lazy.” The second part is typically not voiced in part because it brings feelings of shame. “Should” statements make an individual feel awful and this can contribute to depression and anxiety.

A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of. – Luke 6:45, NIV

How to Reframe “Should” Statements

Because of human nature, it can be difficult to break the patterns of negativity. Most of the time, an individual doesn’t even realize they have that type of mindset. Learning to reframe “should” statement takes time and purpose. A person must be intentional about identifying a “should” statement in their thought process.

It is important to remember it will take time. It takes perseverance to learn how to change a thought pattern. These types of thoughts have been a part of the mindset for so long that they don’t disappear overnight. In fact, they don’t disappear at all. The key is to identify them and not allow them to linger or cause feelings of inadequacy or shame.

Several strategies can be used to identify and reframe “should” statements. Just as each person is different, the way they approach statement rephrasing will also be different. This is why cognitive behavioral therapy is helpful with cognitive distortions.

Question the statement

When faced with a “should” statement, one of the best things to do is question whether that thought is based in reality. Question whether it would be logical or even possible to align with that “should” statement.

Identify its value

Taking time to identify the value of a “should” statement can help identify whether it reflects something desirable. Is it something that will improve a life arena, or is it just a blanket statement stemming from an irrational thought?

Journal it

There are times when keeping track of “should” statements in a journal can help reframe that thought pattern. When journaling about the “should” statement, be mindful to include any type of theme with emotions, places, or people. Sometimes “should” statements are reflections of a comparison thought pattern.

Remember the reality

When reframing cognitive disorders, it is important to remember the reality of those thoughts. The only measure for living life is by following the precepts of scripture in God’s word. Cognitive behavioral therapy can help with understanding and identifying irrational/unrealistic thoughts that imply expectations outside of God’s word.

Change it

When an individual changes that “should” statement into one that indicates a desirable action, it can change the emotional attachment to that thought. For instance, rather than saying “I should read my Bible more” reframe it to say, “I can read my Bible more when I set aside time.”

Give yourself grace

When individuals choose self-awareness, an important thing to incorporate is grace. Understanding that changing the thought patterns won’t happen overnight is a major factor in the process. It takes a little time to reframe the patterns that have been present for years. Celebrate the improvement and push past the challenge.

Make it a goal

Sometimes “should” statements can be turned into a goal that can help you focus on a more positive mindset and faith-based values. Instead of feeling ashamed about losing weight, it is much easier to set a specific goal to lose weight.

Remove the word

Since “should” statements can be powerful, removing the word removes its power. Not every “should” statement will fall under this strategy. Typically, this is for statements that involve feelings or emotions such as, “I should be happy” or “I shouldn’t be angry.” When the “should” or ‘shouldn’t’ is removed, the acceptance of the emotion can be noted and coped with.

Let it go

Even though this phrase is a cliché, it is powerful regarding mental health. Learning to let go of the things that inhibit who we are opens different thought patterns that help us create a healthy lifestyle. Letting go of “should” statements allows us to decide what thoughts we will take action on and which ones consume us with unhealthy feelings.

Next steps

It has been said time and time again that words matter. We can build up or destroy with one word. Taking notice of the words we use such as “should” can decrease and increase confidence and self-esteem. A Christian counselor can create a cognitive behavioral therapy plan that is faith-based to help identify distorted thinking. To speak to a Christian counselor in Texas, call our office today at Texas Christian Counseling.

God did not create people to be ashamed of themselves. We were created in love because we are loved. Learning how to speak to ourselves with positive words and a positive mindset leads us to live our best positive life.

The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit. – Proverbs 18:21, NIV