Spiritual Development in Children and Raising a Godly Family

As parents, we are familiar with developmental physical and social milestones as a way of assessing our children’s development. If our child does not reach a milestone, we seek advice or assistance to be sure they do not fall behind. However, spiritual development is not commonly discussed, so here is a brief overview of a child’s stages of spiritual development.

Birth to 3 years old

A baby’s focus is their own comfort. Their entire existence is rooted in self-preservation and complete reliance on another. They cry when they are tired, hungry, or just uncomfortable.

As they are expressing themselves, they are also learning whether their needs will be met or not, and every obstacle creates a new opportunity. Communication develops quickly from one-way to two-way. At first, they just mimic, but in time, they start to understand language, and communications become clearer.

Babies experience their world through their senses. Sight, sound, smell, touch, and taste create a sense of safety and comfort or fear and discomfort for babies. It is important for parents when first taking their baby to church to be sure that the church is experienced as safe and comfortable. It helps if a baby hears the same music at home as they do at church, as this will give them a sense of familiarity and comfort.

The church nursery is often a child’s first experience and sets the foundation for their pattern of attending church. A church nursery should be inviting with lots of bright colors and toys to play with or look at.

The attitude of the church nursery worker is extremely important, as the baby will associate the nursery worker’s attitude with the church. Is the nursery worker overly tired or stressed? Is the nursery worker excited to see your baby and welcoming? Is the overall goal of the church nursery to provide a positive experience or just to keep the babies from crying?

Ages 3-6

Preschoolers love life, are curious about everything, are extremely busy, and are constantly learning. They are beginning to use their imagination and are able to listen to and tell stories; therefore, this is the perfect time to start introducing children to Bible stories.

Children easily accept the concept of God and have no doubts that God loves them. Children are beginning to learn who to trust and not trust, and while at childcare at a church, they may be cared for by a stranger. However, because that stranger is in an environment where the child feels safe and comfortable, they will trust that person.

It is important for parents to assess the childcare workers’ attitude toward their child and address any concerns. If the childcare worker is excited to see your child, then the child will feel welcomed and loved.

Basic concepts for children to learn at this stage are that God loves them, God hears their prayers, and God is the creator of everything. It is also important at this age for children to start to be exposed to the ideas of repentance and forgiveness. Understanding that it is important when a child does something wrong to apologize and ask for forgiveness is teaching them the lifelong skill needed to be healthy Christians.

While it is important to teach children right from wrong and to take accountability for their actions and apologize, it is also important to avoid shame. Therefore, teaching children that God loves them no matter what is extremely important.

For preschoolers, faith is often about belonging, so the home-church connection is important. Lessons taught at childcare at church should be repeated at home. Parents should model enjoying talking about God and how He cares for us. Modeling prayer is extremely important during this time, as it starts to establish the child’s belief that God is listening. Incorporating prayer as a daily part of life will set the foundation for children to care for themselves spiritually.

Ages 7-9

Young children are learning machines with limitless energy and boundless creativity. They laugh and learn and love. During this period, children become more curious and consequently discover personal strengths or weaknesses as they start to observe and connect with peers. At this age, children can start to see their church family as an extension of their biological family if parents support connections outside of church services.

Bible stories can be expanded to include maps and charts. Children may start to have more questions as they can often be concrete thinkers at this age, so it is important for parents to be prepared to answer questions as clearly and honestly as possible.

Children at this age start to develop their own personal likes and dislikes. So, it is important to encourage and support rather than to force a child to attend church, pray aloud, or recite scriptures. Creating an environment in which a child enjoys doing these things will establish a strong development of faith.

Connection with peers is important with this age group, so allowing your child to participate in church group activities is extremely important. Whether the child wants to sing in the choir, dance with the praise team, or play with a church soccer team, it is important at this age to have group activities.

If your church does not have organized group activities, as parents, you can create them for your children by inviting other children from the church over for planned activities.

Ages 10-12

Preteens are decision makers. In fact, if their faith has productively and positively developed by age ten, children will make profound and powerful individualized commitments. They will create innovative ideas that serve family, church, and community, sometimes with little adult intervention.

Cognitively, this age group becomes abstract thinkers and is not limited by what they see or feel. They can understand metaphors and symbols and create their own hypotheses. For many children, this is when abstract faith rituals such as baptism and communion become meaningful. This is often the time for a decision: salvation, Christian service, or sacrifice of time, treasure, or talent.

Unfortunately, many preteens also stop going to church because they may be ready to explore new opportunities and make their own decisions. Therefore, the church and parents need to find new ways to engage kids at this age. It is extremely important that parents model an interest and excitement about not only attending church but also learning about God and the Bible.

Engaging kids with an age-appropriate daily devotional can be one way to maintain their interest. Teaching kids not only about the people in the Bible but also about historical characters who have exhibited a strong faith can help kids have a new appreciation of spiritual development.

For preteens, making the connection between the lessons in the Bible and their daily life can be difficult. It’s important for parents and teachers to help kids understand how they can apply the lessons in the Bible to their day-to-day activities.

Ages 13-16

Teen years are often seen as the age of rebellion; however, it is really a stage of profound identity development. It is during this age that kids will often test the boundaries, challenge the beliefs of their parents and their church. It is important not to punish kids but to teach them to make these challenges in a respectful way. Encourage questions and challenges while also expecting respect, which can help a child grow.

A strong, healthy faith will be a faith of decisions and not blind acceptance based on what someone else said. This is a wonderful time to teach kids to learn different techniques to study the Bible, including looking at the history of the time period of the Bible and word studies, so they can have a deeper understanding of what they have been taught.

This is also a suitable time to teach kids to recognize the difference between good and evil and to help them understand repentance and forgiveness as it applies to their personal lives. At this age, they can start to understand and appreciate grace and how it plays a role in a Christian’s life. They can understand that we have a sinful nature.

It is important that teenagers have mature Christians in their lives other than their parents, as they are often influenced strongly by others. Having a strong youth program at church for teenagers to be involved with can help them find purpose in their young lives and bring relevance to the teachings of the Bible. A youth program also gives teenagers a place to belong, as peer acceptance is extremely important during this time.

In conclusion, since birth, our spiritual life has been developing, and it is important to understand and provide what is necessary at each age for children to have a full and healthy spiritual development. If you’d like to learn more about parenting, call Texas Christian Counseling for an appointment.