A Parent’s Guide to Counseling for Teens

It’s no secret that the teen years are tough. A slammed door or an ignored text, and you’re left wondering what happened to your adorable, chubby-cheeked child. Hormones, brain development, and stress can turn everyday interactions into full-fledged dramas, and the pressures of friends and finding identity only add to the pressure.

Add social media, academics, peer pressure, and family drama, and it’s not surprising that teens are struggling with all kinds of mental health issues.

It can be exceedingly frustrating to watch your child struggle while simultaneously not knowing how to help them, or even where to start. Instinctively, all you want to do is to protect them, just as you did when they were a helpless baby who relied on you for everything. But in these confusing teen years, it’s difficult to know what protection or help even looks like or if it’s even wanted.

Counseling can be the beautiful bridge between you, the concerned yet confused parent, and your teen who needs help, but doesn’t know how to ask. While society sometimes thinks of counseling as a “last-ditch effort” to help a teen in obvious and dire need, it can actually be beneficial for all teens, even those who don’t seem to be struggling.

Why Counseling Helps

The tumultuous teenage years are a weird land between childhood and adulthood, where teens desperately want to control their own lives but lack the maturity and experience to do so successfully.

Unlike talking to their parents, professional counseling offers a neutral place where teens can unload their deepest secrets without fear that their parents will respond with punishment, consequences, or even that disapproving look that parents are so famous for. And it provides a place away from the tingling ears of peers who may weaponize their fears and secrets.

A counselor can act as an unbiased, friendly sounding board who can not only listen to your child’s burdens, but can help them understand themselves better. They can give an actual term to the patterned behavior or the looping thoughts that your child is experiencing, and help them to understand that it’s not unique nor shameful.

A professional counselor is specifically trained to look for indications of deeper emotions that might be buried under introversion and a dirty band tee. Even if your teen barely talks more than the occasional grunt, a trained therapist may be able to give you some insights, as they can pick up on subtle cues that you might miss.

If you grew up in a Christian environment, you might feel skeptical of therapy, being taught that faith will conquer all. Or maybe you just feel like a failure as a parent by bringing someone else into the picture. Thankfully, more Christian parents are seeing things differently and realize that Christian counseling is an act of stewardship, not a sign of weakness or a lack of faith.

God created our whole beings, body, mind, and soul. If your child broke their leg, you would get medical attention. If they’re hurting emotionally or mentally, getting counseling is no different. Don’t think of therapy as rejecting God’s help but as a deliberate act of inviting Him into the story.

Signs

Mental health issues are often battled in the quiet darkness of a messy room, so it’s easy for parents, even those who feel they know their children best, to miss them. Subtle signs are often masked and rarely broadcast, so it’s important to know exactly what you’re looking for when you are checking in on your teen’s mental health.

If your teen suddenly withdraws from family and friends, it can be a sign that there is more going on than them just being “a moody teenager.” Your chatty child suddenly going radio silent can be an indication that they are struggling. They might not know exactly how to talk about it, or they may be afraid that they will be misunderstood, judged, punished, or dismissed if they do, so they choose to isolate instead.

When a teen feels they have no control over their thoughts and emotions, they may try to control something, anything in their life. That “anything” is often their sleeping habits or their food intake. Depression or anxiety can also cause insomnia or exhaustion and may bring on eating disorders or loss of appetite. It’s wise to keep an eye on these two more obvious areas of a teen’s life.

Grades and school performance shifts are also a red flag. If they’re dealing with depression or anxiety, addiction, or PTSD, it can interfere with your child’s ability to concentrate, wipe out confidence, and disrupt time management skills. If you see your child’s grades slipping, check in with teachers and school staff to see if other factors could be affecting grades.

Teens and their dramatic mood swings are used as humorous plot lines in movies and books, but in real life, they can be signs of mental struggle. If your teen is suddenly noticeably affected by small irritants or swings from happy to angry or sad in a short period of time, you might be dealing with mental health issues.

It’s natural for people to have a passion for the things they love, like video games or their crush, but when passion turns to obsession, you might be dealing with undiagnosed Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), or another mental health issue. Teens might obsess over anything from perfection to using their favorite fork.

Self-harm can be an obvious cry for help from a teen who is in deep emotional turmoil and who doesn’t know any other way to cope. But if you aren’t aware of it happening, it’s hard to answer that call. Watch for unexplained cuts, bruises, or burns, or if your child suddenly keeps sharp objects in their bedroom. Pay attention if your child is suddenly wearing long-sleeved shirts or claims to have frequent “accidents”.

Most teens won’t exactly jump for joy and do a happy dance when you ask them to talk about their feelings. But as their parent, it’s important for you to be the one to open the door to the conversation and hope they walk through it, and when they do, keep the conversation casual and low-key so they don’t get “spooked.”

Finding a Counselor with a Christian Perspective

The teen years are vulnerable and impressionable, so it’s vital to find a counselor who shares your Christian values. A Christian counselor will integrate biblical principles into their therapy sessions and use them as a guiding force.

That being said, not every Christian counselor is a good fit for every teen. Find a counselor who has worked with this age bracket and who is familiar with the common issues facing contemporary teens.

Support at Home

Counseling is an important part of your child’s mental health, but that doesn’t diminish your role. Your role matters, too. By keeping communication open between you and your teen, you help them to feel comfortable approaching you when they are worried, frustrated, or even joyful.

In those quiet moments when you don’t think they’re watching, realize that they are. As you model healthy coping skills, they are learning to emulate you. And most importantly, pray with them and for them.

God knows the ins and outs of your child’s issues and fears. He knows more about your child than you or their therapist or even themselves, and not only does He desire to help them, but He is also abundantly able.

You may be an expert on your child, but you aren’t expected to have all the answers. Just focus on getting your child to open up their hearts to someone who will listen, love them, and point them to Jesus.

To learn more and to schedule an appointment with a Christian therapist, browse our online directory or contact us today.