Biblical Help for Codependency

Overcoming codependency is a complex process, but there is help available. One of the best things you can do if you are trying to navigate codependent relationships is to lean on biblical wisdom. This will help you make healthy choices such as relying on God, connecting with a Christian counselor, and setting healthy boundaries that honor the unique person God designed you to be.

It is always advised to develop a support network to help you overcome issues like codependency. Consult with a pastor, spiritual leader, or Christian counselor in addition to trustworthy friends outside of the situation. They can provide guidance and support specific to your unique situation. As you do this, here are some biblical principles that can help:

Seek God first

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. – Matthew 6:33, NIV

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God will provide the most important support you need in your journey to overcome codependence. You can rely on His strength and wisdom as you navigate decisions in your relationships.

Accept God’s love and grace

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. – Romans 5:8, NIV

God’s love for you matters more than the approval or validation of anyone else. This includes the person you are in a codependent relationship with. As you accept His love and grace you can stand firm on this foundation.

Set healthy boundaries

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. – Proverbs 4:23, NIV

God does not call you to engage with everyone in the same way. When you guard your heart with wisdom, you can establish healthy boundaries to protect your emotional and spiritual well-being. This will help your relationships function from a place of love the way God intended.

Trust in God’s plan

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. – Proverbs 3:5-6, NIV

It can feel difficult to trust when you have experienced the challenges of codependency. God, however, calls you with gentleness to come to Him. You can surrender control to your loving God, fully trusting that He has a good, divine plan for your life.

Learn to release control

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. – 1 Peter 5:7, NIV

Codependent relationships thrive on control. It can be from another person who is trying to control you and your behavior or within yourself, trying to control the reactions of another person by behaving a certain way. In either instance, control does not allow love and grace to grow. Instead, you can learn to release control outcomes, responses, and even relationships as you trust God’s sovereignty.

Seek wisdom and counsel

For lack of guidance a nation falls, but victory is won through many advisers. – Proverbs 11:14, NIV

God does not leave us to figure things out on our own. He instructs us to pursue counsel from others. The key is to seek wise counsel. This can come from trusted spiritual leaders, mentors, or professional Christian counselors. Invest in these relationships to find the guidance you long for in overcoming codependency.

Discover forgiveness and healing

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. – Ephesians 4:31-32, NIV

Forgiveness is complex, especially when it comes to codependent relationships. Instead of trying to navigate it on your own, seek out the model of forgiveness God sets before you. As you practice forgiveness for yourself and others, you can experience the grace and freedom God has for you and your relationships.

As you do this, you make space for healing and growth. Forgiveness is the path to healing. This does not mean forsaking healthy, necessary boundaries or even reconciling with someone. It is about your heart toward the other person and the situation you are in.

Seek opportunities to serve others

You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love. – Galatians 5:13, NIV

When you seek validation from another person your focus is on yourself. Instead of focusing on others and lovingly offering your God-given gifts, codependent relationships keep your eyes on being good enough to keep that other person happy. God calls you to use your gifts to serve others with humility and love. You can shift your focus from seeking validation in a codependent relationship to serving others in love.

Begin to renew your mind

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing and perfect will. – Romans 12:2, NIV

Negative thoughts have no place in your mind. But codependent relationships can make them seem constantly present. Instead of entertaining these, you can replace negative thought patterns by renewing your mind. Focus on God’s truth and promises to help you overcome thoughts that do not serve you or honor God.

Start to practice gratitude now

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. – 1 Thessalonians 5:18, NIV

Gratitude is not for someday when you have everything all figured out. God calls you to give thanks in all of your circumstances. Cultivating an attitude of gratitude will shift your heart from solely focusing on the challenging relationship and codependent behaviors in your life. Instead, you can learn to focus on God’s blessings and provisions. The simple incorporation of gratitude can make a big difference in your life.

Spiritual support for overcoming codependency

Your spiritual growth and healing from codependency are processes. It is not something to pursue on your own and it does not happen overnight. There are three essential components to overcoming codependency and growing in your spiritual life:

Connect with yourself

You need to start by choosing to go on this journey. It will not always feel easy. But that does not mean it isn’t worth pursuing. Many of the stories in the Bible demonstrate challenges on the way to freedom. Be honest with yourself about your situation and how you are going to pursue freedom.

Connect with God

You don’t have to do this in your own strength. God is ready and able to help you overcome codependency. Lean on the verses in this article to help you on the journey. God’s Word is alive and active, ready to provide the support you need.

Connect with a counselor

God provides wise counsel for you in a variety of ways. This can sometimes be through a trustworthy friend. Other times it is through someone in a leadership role like a pastor or small group leader. One of the most helpful people when it comes to support for overcoming codependency is a Christian counselor. God uses these people to help you find your way to freedom.

Consider how you can find support from your faith community and professional resources. As you pray for guidance and strength, you can trust that God is with you on your journey toward freedom from codependency. He will show His presence in many ways. Look for Him in His Word. Listen for Him in prayer. And seek His wisdom through support.

A Christian counselor can walk this journey with you. They can provide resources and spiritually-based support as you learn to live an emotionally and relationally healthy life. Consider the counselors on this site and reach out to connect with one who can help.