Christian Couples Counseling to Help You Nurture a Healthy Relationship

Your relationships form one of the most important aspects of your life. The people in your life who matter most are usually the ones who are with you through the various seasons and experiences that have shaped who you are. Sharing life with others helps you to build bonds that enrich your life, and provides emotional support in times of need. These relationships are the stuff of life, and they are vital for your well-being.

Healthy relationships will often have the largest impact on your flourishing. Relationships that are nurturing, open, committed, respectful, filled with compassion and kindness, are healthy and stimulate your well-being. However, relationships that are mired in conflict, are unreliable, uncomfortable, or have poor communication, can damage your well-being.

All of this is even more true in a romantic relationship. The intimacy and weight that romantic relationships carry mean that when things go wrong, it is often more impactful than in other relationships. There’s a difference, however subtle, between a close friend hurting you, and your spouse hurting you. The closer the relationship, the deeper the hurt that can be inflicted. Couples can learn how to nurture their relationship through couples counseling.

Challenges that Couples Face

Even the happiest and most well-adjusted couples face challenges of all kinds. Some issues that a couple faces come from outside the relationship, but other issues are the result of the couple’s limitations and unhelpful patterns of behavior and thought. A given couple can face challenges relating to various aspects such as their life stage, issues with communication, or external pressures like financial problems.

It may be helpful to detail some of the common issues that couples face. Recognizing that other couples have struggles similar to your own can help remove the sense of isolation and possibly stigma that you may have about your issues. Couples sometimes don’t seek the help they need because they feel alone in what they are going through. Other couples also struggle, and they have addressed issues to build a stronger relationship.

The challenges that test a couple’s relationship include going through a communication breakdown, where they struggle to express their feelings, thoughts, and needs effectively to one another. Poor communication can also be related to trust issues, which can arise because of unreliability and dishonesty. When trust gets eroded, it can cause the couple to drift apart, leading to decreased emotional intimacy or physical affection.

Relationships can also face issues like conflict over the couple’s aspirations, priorities, and values, and there may also be problems with control issues or power struggles between spouses. These can result in tension, resentment, and conflict.

Each spouse brings their experiences into the relationship, including past trauma and unresolved emotional wounds or other personal challenges and mental health concerns like grief, disability, chronic illness, addictions, depression, and anxiety. Pressures exerted by debt, financial obligations, and spending habits can lead to disagreements. Other external pressures include family and in-law issues, and work stress.

Lastly, couples also face challenges relating to the life stage they’re in. Newlyweds are in a period of adjustment and transition with their highs and lows. Parenting stretches the couple in new ways, including sharing responsibilities and navigating parenting styles. Moving, going through health crises, facing an empty nest, getting older, and moving toward retirement all present challenges and opportunities for a couple.

Each couple is unique, and these various challenges won’t be distributed evenly, nor will a given couple deal with them in the same way as others do. The important thing is to recognize that challenges do come, and being aware of these potential challenges can help couples prepare to face them and foster a resilient and strong relationship.

The Relationship that Couples Yearn for

Is there such a thing as the ideal relationship? Every person has their own idea or vision of what the ideal relationship might look like. Having this ideal can play a positive role as it allows you to set goals to strive toward. Some common characteristics that many couples would include in their vision of the ideal relationship they yearn for include the following:

Reciprocal support and growth A healthy relationship would include working together to attain common dreams and goals, as well as having each other’s support and encouragement for individual growth and aspirations. Reciprocity in a relationship may also include sharing responsibilities fairly and without harboring resentment over the division of labor.

Trust, loyalty, respect In an ideal relationship, the couple trusts each other implicitly, and they don’t act in a possessive manner. They respect and value each other’s boundaries, thoughts, and feelings, and they carry an unwavering commitment to one another’s well-being.

Emotional connection and intimacy In an ideal relationship, a couple maintains a strong sense of connection with each other, and it’s rooted in effective communication. An open, respectful, and honest exchange of feelings, thoughts, and desires helps to build connection, and this is strengthened further when each spouse feels understood, heard, and supported by their significant other.

Affection and intimacy In a healthy relationship, the couple appreciate each other and show one another affection through their actions and words in ways that are meaningful to them. The couple spends quality time together, sharing their lives and engaging in activities that help them to create lasting memories and a fulfilling connection.

Forgiveness and managing conflict Conflict will come up and is part of how a couple works through things. However, the couple will engage in healthy conflict, dealing with issues in a constructive, respectful way without resorting to aggression or shaming each other. The couple also takes accountability for their own actions, practicing forgiveness and apologizing sincerely so that they can move toward healing and reconciliation.

Alignment in values and goals While a couple may not necessarily share identical aspirations or values, they can align their values and craft a shared vision of their life together. The couple supports each other’s aspirations, acknowledging and celebrating milestones and each other’s accomplishments.

These elements describe, in broad brushstrokes, the sort of relationship that most couples yearn for. Such a relationship is possible, and one way to get there is by making use of the tools that Christian couples counseling can equip them with.

Tools for Couples from Christian Couples Counseling

The Lord designed us for relationship, and that takes many forms, including friendships, parents and their children, siblings, and couples. Christian couples counseling can offer couples a unique blend of emotional support, spiritual guidance, and eminently practical tools that the couple can use to make their relationship strong.

Some of the tools from Christian couples counseling that a couple can use to nurture a healthy relationship include the following:

Communication tools Healthy communication is the lifeblood of any relationship. Some of the tools that can aid healthy communication include active listening to help with empathy and good listening. Along with this, applying a principle like speaking the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15) allows a couple to speak honestly, respectfully, and with kindness toward one another.

Emotional intelligence tools These include being able to recognize, acknowledge, and validate each other’s emotions, knowing how to name and share emotions effectively, and growing in the ability to manage one’s emotions to avoid being emotionally reactive. Being emotionally intelligent helps with avoiding intense conflict that continues to escalate endlessly.

Spiritual growth A couple can grow together by praying together, reading Scripture together, worshiping together, serving, and finding ways of expressing their faith together.

Connection and intimacy Some of the tools you can use to nurture intimacy include scheduling a regular date night to connect, prioritizing physical and emotional intimacy, and being intentional about romantic gestures. Intimacy in marriage is important, and tools like icebreakers, knowing each other’s love language, and relationship journaling can all help in promoting intimacy.

Conflict resolution tools Conflict happens in all relationships, but one key is to try and address it and its root causes without falling prey to Gottman’s “four horsemen” – criticism, contempt, stonewalling, and defensiveness. Being humble, empathetic, willing to apologize, and forgiving can make a huge difference in a relationship.

Accountability tools A healthy relationship also requires accountability for both partners. Find trusted friends, loved ones, or mentors who can provide you with support and accountability. A small group or community of couples can also provide much-needed support. Lastly, attending regular couples counseling sessions can also help you maintain a vibrant and healthy relationship.

Christian couples counseling can help nurture your faith and apply it practically to your relationship. With help and the support of your counselor, you can take these various tools and leverage them to strengthen your connection and deepen your bond to be the couple you want to be. Reach out and connect with a counselor to get started.