Depression After a Breakup: Finding Healing and Making Sense of the Aftermath

If you love someone, your lives are likely entwined in complex and delicate ways; losing that bond can have profoundly negative consequences. One struggle that can come from the loss of a deep and meaningful bond is depression. While depression is often linked to neurochemical imbalances, it’s more complex than that and can include triggering experiences like the loss of a loved one.

Why would you get depressed after a breakup?

It can be asked whether depression after a breakup is a real thing. A breakup can indeed result in deep sadness, and it’s common to grapple with other feelings like anger and confusion. Sadness, however, isn’t the same thing as clinical depression or major depressive disorder. Sadness could be a symptom of depression, but often people confuse feeling sad and being depressed.

Depression, which may be marked by symptoms such as sadness, is a mood disorder. If you feel sadness due to depression, that sadness is constant, persists for at least 2 weeks, and it will typically affect various aspects of your life, including what you feel, your ability to think, and whether you can function in daily life. It’s important to note that a stressful life event like a breakup can trigger depression.

A breakup can result in emotional distress that can mirror some of the symptoms of depression, including intense sadness, changes in your sleep and appetite, feelings of hopelessness, and a loss of interest in the activities that used to bring you joy. The presence of these symptoms could suggest depression, but it’s important to see a mental health professional for guidance and a proper diagnosis.

The reason a breakup can trigger depression is that when a relationship breaks down, what gets shattered isn’t only the relationship, but what it represents. The expectations, sense of security, and dreams tied up with that relationship all get upended. Whether the breakup is of a serious relationship or a marriage, it can throw a person into confusion about God’s plans and purposes.

When emotional bonds are severed, they can leave deep wounds. It’s not uncommon for a person to experience feelings of unworthiness, rejection, or even a crisis of identity because of a breakup. These feelings can feed into and trigger depression.

How Post-Breakup Depression Affects You

When you experience depression after a breakup, it can affect you in various profound ways. Depression affects how a person feels, thinks, and acts. Its effects seep into other facets of a person’s life. That means it can also affect how you relate to God. Feelings of unworthiness, guilt, and hopelessness can creep into how you perceive yourself. This could cause you to feel unworthy to come before the Lord to pray, worship Him, and receive comfort from Him.

Depression can also strain other relationships, especially if it causes you to withdraw from loved ones or if you experience other symptoms of depression, such as anger or irritability. This can cause conflict in those relationships, pushing others away inadvertently. For some people, depression can result in masking behaviors like burying themselves in their work or engaging in risky behaviors.

Other ways depression can affect you include the way depression can cloud your ability to concentrate, remember things, or make clear decisions. Apart from affecting your emotional and mental well-being, depression can also diminish your physical health directly and indirectly. Poor sleep, a fluctuating appetite, and loss of interest in activities that brought you joy can all have detrimental effects on one’s well-being.

Reacting this way in the aftermath of losing a relationship is, in many ways, quite natural. However, that doesn’t take away from the fact that it’s disorienting, and it can leave you feeling even more isolated. The intensity and duration of the various emotions and thoughts unleashed by a breakup can vary depending on the significance and duration of the relationship, among other factors.

Finding Healing After a Breakup

When you’ve experienced a breakup, whether it triggers depression or not, it is important to find ways to heal. If the breakup triggers depression, then you also need to incorporate healthy ways to cope with and deal with the depression that ensued. Healing will entail addressing the fallout from the breakup, as well as embracing what will help you deal with having a mood disorder.

Some of the ways you can deal with a breakup include the following:

Acknowledge your pain Breakups happen for many different reasons. Blame can get thrown around for what happened, but that can sometimes be a way to try and mask the pain. When you pretend you aren’t hurt or you suppress your emotions, that could result in even deeper wounds that will take longer to heal.

Instead, without going into placing blame, acknowledge your pain. You can pour your anguish out to the Lord, being honest with yourself and Him. He will meet you right where you are, just as you are.

Seek the Lord’s presence Authenticity can be the first step to finding healing. Seeking the Lord can allow you to connect your heart to God’s and to be in His comforting presence. Seeking the Lord doesn’t have to be a solo endeavor; there is much to gain from the companionship of others. You can seek support from trusted, wise, balanced, and compassionate loved ones who can walk with you. The Bible states that we are not meant to do life alone (Hebrews 10:23-25).

Renew your mind Your breakup can unleash a lot of negativity, whether aimed at your former partner or yourself. You are both made in God’s image, and the breakup shouldn’t lead you to disparage God’s handiwork. The call to pray for our enemies (Matthew 5:43-48) requires a radical and ongoing transformation of our hearts and minds (Romans 12:1-2). It’s also possible to reframe negative thoughts with God’s truth about your value and future.

Embrace the journey of healing Healing from the pain of a breakup is not linear. Even when the path is painful and unclear, trust that God’s plans for you are good (Proverbs 3:5-6, Jeremiah 29:11).

You can also give yourself grace for the setbacks that will inevitably come, and take time to celebrate the small victories when you encounter them, whether it’s being able to laugh, go for a run, or enjoy a good meal. Extending grace to yourself during this time is important to your healing journey.

As you try to cope with the loss of a relationship, it can take time before you feel ready to move toward something new. Give yourself time to heal; recovery won’t look the same for every person, but allow yourself enough time to be at peace with what happened. If your breakup also triggered depression, you’ll also have to consider healthy ways to cope and overcome that challenge.

Addressing the Depression

Coping with and overcoming depression will often involve a combination of strategies that you can implement, and these include the following:

Lifestyle changes Engaging in regular exercise can help elevate your mood, and healthy eating, as well as getting sufficient sleep each night, helps with your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. These things also help with regulating your emotions, helping you avoid emotional outbursts or acting on your anger in ways that you later regret.

Our feelings are most often led by our thoughts; therefore, it is important to maintain our overall well-being, which will lead to positive thoughts, which will lead to feeling better.

Self-care Apart from eating well, trying to get better quality sleep, and exercising, you can also practice stress-reducing activities such as meditation or deep breathing. Take a walk outdoors, read your favorite books. Avoid alcohol and other substances like drugs, and allow yourself the company of good friends. Having a support network of friends, family, or support groups makes a difference in your journey.

Set realistic goals Be cautious when making big decisions, like moving, changing jobs, or getting into a new relationship. These could tax your strength at a time when you most likely need to preserve it. Work or school will often still need to be done, and you can help yourself by breaking your tasks down into smaller, achievable units and steps.

Be mindful Mindfulness helps you focus on the present moment. Instead of worrying about the future or being trapped in the past, wondering “What if?”, being mindful helps you to appreciate what you have right now. Combined with gratitude, it’s possible to have a renewed sense of what the Lord is doing in your life in this season you’re in.

Seek professional help Depression isn’t something you can just get over. Consult a mental health professional for therapy or counseling. Your counselor will help you identify and challenge unhealthy patterns of thought and behavior to help you manage the symptoms of depression.

You aren’t alone. If going through a breakup has triggered depression, reach out for help from a Christian counselor or therapist. They can walk with you through this valley, guiding you toward healing and resting in the Lord’s peace. Contact our office today to learn more.