Emotional Neglect in Relationships: Signs, Impact, and How to Address It

Relationships can be a place where amazing things happen. We can be known, seen, and become better versions of ourselves as we invest in relationships. But relationships can also be difficult at times. Even the most intimate ones can become places of pain, isolation, and a lack of love.

Emotional neglect is a reality that many face in their relationships. This isn’t an issue only in our 21st-century relationships. In the Bible, the stories of Jacob and Leah (Genesis 29) and David and Michal (2 Samuel 6) illustrate what emotional neglect can look like in relationships and how it affects people. Understanding what emotional neglect is, knowing the signs of it, and taking steps to address it can make a huge difference in the health of relationships.

Emotional Neglect in Relationships

People have legitimate relational needs that those around them can and should fill as an act of love and care toward them. Different kinds of neglect can occur in a relationship, and ‘emotional neglect’ refers to when a person consistently fails to respond to, nurture, or acknowledge their partner’s emotional needs.

This form of neglect often refers to a lack of something in a relationship – the lack of emotional support, empathy, and connection, for example. These elements are crucial to have a thriving and godly relationship.

Emotional neglect is often passive and subtle, making it harder to identify, unlike overt actions like constant criticism or open conflict. Emotional neglect can make you feel like something is off or missing, and it is a deeply damaging relational dynamic. It’s not about what is done, but what is not done, such as lack of attentiveness, empathy, support, or emotional availability.

In addition, emotional neglect is a lack of kindness and compassion toward another person. It can leave one’s partner feeling unheard, unloved, isolated, and unseen.

Signs of Emotional Neglect

Emotional neglect can be subtle, and because of that, knowing the signs of it requires you to be attentive to the dynamics in your relationship, as well as a keen awareness of your own feelings. Some of the more common signs of emotional neglect include the following:

A lack of emotional intimacy The relationship may have a noticeable absence of deep, meaningful conversations that leave you feeling more connected or aware of one another. You may find that one or both of you shy away from discussing your feelings or things that make you feel vulnerable.

Feeling unseen or unheard If you consistently feel that your thoughts, feelings, or concerns are ignored, that could point to emotional neglect.

Emotional loneliness This refers to experiencing a sense of loneliness even when you’re together physically.

Feeling unsupported In relationships, partners stand in the gap and support one another in their projects, interests, and areas of need. Experiencing a lack of encouragement or empathy during challenging times could point to emotional neglect.

Too little physical affection You may experience a decline in affectionate gestures like hugs, holding hands, getting a back rub, or other comforting touches.

Indifference to accomplishments or struggles Your partner has little to no enthusiasm or concern when you share important personal milestones or things you’re struggling with.

Emotional withholding This involves deliberately avoiding emotional connection, or refusing to offer that connection, whether as a form of control or punishment. This is another form and sign of emotional neglect in a relationship.

Inconsistent communication Each couple has its communication patterns and preferences. If, according to those patterns and preferences, there’s a limited amount of interest in checking in with each other or sharing your lives and the happenings in your day, that could signal emotional neglect.

In the Bible, we encounter the story of Leah and Jacob. We read that Jacob’s love for Rachel was greater than his love for Leah. Despite being his first wife, Leah felt unseen and unloved, quite likely because of the circumstances of their relationship – Jacob had been tricked by his father-in-law Laban into marrying Leah, when Rachel was the one Jacob wanted. We see Leah cry out through the names of her children, highlighting the neglect she felt (Genesis 29:31-35).

Just as we see the deep human longing to be acknowledged and cherished in Leah’s story, we see the same in David and Michal’s relationship. Michal chose David over her father (1 Samuel 19), but after being cast aside, resentment took root. Michal showed deep disdain for David’s public worship of the Lord, the outworking of an emotionally distant, cold, and disconnected marriage (2 Samuel 6:16-23).

Why does emotional neglect occur?

When emotional neglect occurs in a relationship, there are causes at the root of it. Becoming conversant with these can help a couple to graciously and wisely address what’s causing discord and disconnection in their relationship. Some of the reasons emotional neglect happens in a relationship include the following:

Stress And Life Pressures When two people have intense work demands, busy schedules, or are carrying the pressures of parenting, they can unintentionally shift their focus away from the relationship, leading to feelings of neglect.

Unresolved Personal Issues A person’s ability to connect effectively with others can be affected by experiences of past traumas or their upbringing in an emotionally distant family.

They may be unintentionally distant or unavailable because they don’t know how to be vulnerable or share themselves. In some instances, a person may fear being vulnerable or close to others because of the fear of judgment or rejection.

Emotional Unawareness In some situations, a lack of awareness about one’s own emotional needs can make it even harder to recognize or meet their partner’s.

Spiritual Disconnection When a couple drifts from the Lord, love and compassion toward each other, or they stop sharing their faith journey, it may leave emotional and spiritual gaps or distance between them.

Resentment or Unresolved Conflict When a couple has lingering conflict or when they have resentments that aren’t addressed, those can cause them to create emotional distance as a self-protective mechanism against further hurt.

Communication Barriers Differences in communication styles also impact how they express their emotions and needs, leading to unintentional but real misunderstandings.

These and other reasons could be at the root of emotional neglect. Emotional neglect isn’t always intentional, but its effects can nonetheless be felt in the relationship. It can result in resentment, low self-esteem, and a breakdown in the relationship.

What does the bible say about emotional neglect?

Emotional neglect violates the biblical law of love. Mark 12:31 tells us to “love our neighbors as ourselves.” At its core, emotional neglect is unloving. True Christ-like love involves seeing, hearing, and responding to the heart and needs of one another. It is what connects us. 1 Corinthians 13:4 describes the nature of love as being patient, kind, unenvious, and humble.

Emotional neglect violates the call to bear one another’s burdens. Galatians 6:2 tells us to “carry each other’s burdens, and this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” When emotional needs are ignored, it abandons this call to walk alongside each other in tenderness and with empathy.

Jesus serves as a powerful example of emotional support through His continued demonstration of empathy, compassion, and commitment to alleviating suffering. He modeled how to be present with those who hurt, grieved, were afraid, were sad, and provided hope in challenging circumstances. With the same intentionality and awareness, Jesus also shared in rejoicing, victories, and joy with His disciples.

Ultimately, God calls us to love with action (1 John 3:18); show compassion like Christ (John 11:35); be emotionally present (Romans 12:15), and show mutual support (Galatians 6:2). Neglect contradicts God’s call to love deeply, forgive freely, and stay emotionally engaged.

How to Address Emotional Neglect

When emotional neglect occurs, it can quietly erode a relationship. Distance can form between the couple, and in slow, imperceptible ways, they can drift away from each other.

With awareness, being intentional, with help, and relying on God’s grace and wisdom, it’s possible to restore the relationship and build things better. It’s possible to have a relationship where love abounds, hearts are honored, and feelings are heard clearly.

Some steps you can take to work through emotional neglect include:

Open communication Create space to gently express your feelings without blaming your partner. Use “I” statements to share how the neglect has affected you.

Practice active listening Listening to understand, and not to respond, is a skill. This form of listening shows respect and care for one’s partner. Use your opportunities to listen to pursue a better understanding of each other’s emotional needs and backgrounds.

Prioritize emotional connection Carve out time to connect regularly, meaningfully, and free from distractions. You can also pray together, inviting God into your relationship. This fosters unity and healing by strengthening your emotional bonds and leaning on the Lord’s wisdom to guide your steps.

Forgive and rebuild trust It may be necessary to forgive each other for ways you’ve hurt each other in the past (Colossians 3:13; Ephesians 4:32). Healing your relationship can only happen when grace and reconciliation have room in your hearts and lives. Cultivating empathy for one another allows you to forgive and bear with each other.

Consider counseling A Christian counselor can provide you with a safe space to explore underlying issues that may lead to emotional neglect in your relationship. You can also learn healthy communication skills to resolve conflict promptly and know how to share your needs and expectations without blaming or shaming your partner.

Contact our office today to learn more or to meet with a counselor or therapist to address the emotional neglect in your relationship.