Signs of Emotional Abuse in a Romantic Relationship

A lot of people are more familiar with physical abuse because it is tangible, and it is often perpetrated against the body. It is easier to prove physical abuse because such abuse often leaves physical evidence as proof. Emotional abuse, on the other hand, can be quite complex in that it cannot be seen.

The person against whom the emotional abuse is being perpetrated might not realize early on that they are being emotionally abused because it mostly involves non-physical behavior. Because of its complex and nonphysical nature, there is a tendency by society in general to trivialize emotional abuse. Yet, its effects can be just as profound and damaging to its victims.

Just like physical abuse, emotional abuse can occur in different types of relationships including in friendships, the workplace, and among family members.

Because it is normal for human relationships to encounter moments of conflict and disagreement which can sometimes be heated, it can become difficult for one to immediately draw the lines between what is normal and what is abusive behavior in any given relationship.

Research, however, shows that emotional abuse is most common in romantic relationships. If you are wondering if you or someone you know are in an emotionally abusive relationship, read on because we want to share with you some signs of emotional abuse in a romantic relationship.

Understanding Emotional Abuse

Although there is no set definition of emotional abuse, it can be described concisely as an attack against another person’s psyche. These attacks are often intentional and calculated, and they happen often enough to establish a consistent pattern.

Research shows that most of the abuse in heterosexual relationships (both physical and emotional) is perpetrated by men, and this has created a prevalent and stereotypical belief that women are not abusive. This has unfortunately created a pattern of male victims not reporting cases of abuse or seeking professional help. Sometimes when male victims make reports, they are not taken seriously.

Although research does show that most abuse perpetrators in romantic relationships are men, it is always important to remember that there are women who also perpetrate abuse against their male partners in relationships and that all victims of abuse deserve equal support, regardless of their gender.

A perpetrator of emotional abuse intentionally and consistently uses a victim’s emotions to attack their self-esteem by shaming, humiliating, unjustifiably criticizing, or blaming them. Emotional abusers also tend to be manipulative to their romantic partner and they often use whatever intimate knowledge or information they have of their victim to attack in ways they know will cause more emotional damage.

In some cases, the damage caused can be severe enough to cause other complex conditions such as depression and anxiety disorders. At the core of most emotionally abusive relationships are power imbalances in the relationship and the need by one party in the relationship to control the other party.

As a result, most perpetrators of emotional abuse in romantic relationships use tactics such as threats or intimidation to ensure that they always have the victim where they want them. These tactics normally work because they instill crippling fear in their victims.

Although emotional abuse does not cause visible physical damage, if a person stays in an emotionally abusive relationship long enough, it can cause long-lasting negative mental health issues like depression and social anxiety and physical health issues like eating disorders.

Many people are not aware of the fact that emotional abuse is linked to physical health challenges which include general and chronic body aches. Because emotional abusers attack a person’s psychological being, victims are often left with a low sense of self and integrity. Other effects of emotional abuse include chronic stress, codependent behaviors, fear of abandonment, isolation from friends and family, and loneliness.

Forms of Emotional Abuse

If you are trying to determine if you or a person you know is in an abusive relationship, please remember that there is no exhaustive list that can list and describe all the emotionally abusive behaviors. You should also remember that some of the behaviors can be subtle and may be difficult to identify.

This is therefore just a guideline for the most common signs and symptoms of emotional abuse. Keep in mind that a perpetrator does not need to do all the listed behaviors to be deemed a perpetrator. If your partner does more than one or two of the following listed behaviors consistently, you might be in an emotionally abusive relationship.

Name-calling

This might include calling you stupid, loser, fatty, or any other derogatory term aimed at making you think and feel little of yourself.

Body shaming

This includes the constant and consistent criticizing of your body or certain parts of it, intending to make you hate yourself and feel unappealing.

Public humiliation

This includes making jokes at your expense, sharing private things that you don’t want other people to know, and saying disrespectful and inconsiderate things to you in public or in the presence of other people.

Verbal abuse

This includes shouting, screaming, use of profanities when talking to you, and generally making you feel small and unworthy when they talk to you.

Threats of physical violence

This is usually done with the aim of ‘keeping you in check’ and thinking that if you don’t do things their way, they may cause you or your loved ones physical damage.

Jealous and controlling behavior

This may include wanting to control where you go and with whom, who you can or cannot be friends with, monitoring your phone or social media interactions, and often accusing you of cheating each time you talk to someone of the opposite sex.

Denying you control of finances

This may occur regardless of whether you are a stay-at-home parent or you both work but share combined finances.

Isolating you from your friends and family

This can be done through finding fault in all the people that you are close with or making sure you spend time with only them even when you would rather be with friends or family to take away your support structures. This can be done so subtly you may not realize that’s what they are doing.

Gaslighting

This includes denying the occurrence of certain events or conversations to intentionally make you doubt yourself, your sanity, or your memory.

Excessive criticism

Nothing you do is ever good enough in their eyes regardless of your best efforts, which often leaves you feeling worthless. This can be the way you dress, cook, your work, your parenting, and anything else you do.

Dismissing your opinions

They never want to hear things from your perspective and when you share your opinions they are quickly shot down or received with indifference. Sometimes they do not even allow you to express your opinions, especially where they are different from theirs.

Acting superior to you

They try to make you feel like the inferior party in the relationship and that they know best about everything to disempower you.

Turning tables when you try to address something that they did

When you try to bring up an issue, they immediately give you a list of the things that you did to avoid taking responsibility for their actions or make you look like you are being irrational or blowing things out of proportion.

Taking advantage of your fears, weaknesses, values, and beliefs

This is done to manipulate you or certain situations to their selfish advantage.

You or your loved one can get help

When you are in an abusive relationship, or someone you know is in an emotionally abusive relationship, it may seem hopeless, and that there is nothing that can be done about the situation. But there is hope for your situation. We can get you the help and support you require, so please do not hesitate to contact us.