How to Manage Anger Well: 8 Practical Tips

Have you ever felt angry? No doubt at some point in your life, you have encountered some aggravating circumstances that made you see red. It may have been something as simple as someone cutting in line at the checkout, a dangerous driver weaving their way through traffic, or witnessing the abuse of a child or an animal, and it may mean that you need to learn to manage anger.

Whatever it may be that caused your anger, one of the things that you might have decided to do as a result of the situation was to act and try to rectify it. There are good ways to respond to our feelings of anger, but there are other ways of dealing with anger that only escalate the situation until things get horribly out of hand. It’s common to hear stories of road rage or online harassment resulting in criminal charges.

Seeing that anger is such a common emotion that is experienced by many people, being able to handle anger well and express it constructively is a skill that more people need to gain. Our in-person and online discourse would be more civil and productive, that’s for sure. Being able to manage your anger so that it works for you rather than against you is a life skill that will benefit your relationships, not to mention your well-being.

Do you need to manage your anger?

People have varying understandings and attitudes toward their emotions. On the one hand, some people feel that whatever comes naturally ought to be expressed without any inhibitions. However, other people feel that their emotions cannot be trusted at all and need to be kept under a firm grip at all times.

When it comes to something like anger, the same mindset is present. You will encounter in life some people who will let fly their anger at the slightest provocation and they will hold nothing back. You will also encounter some people who will keep their anger buttoned up and won’t express it no matter what they experience.

The healthy way to deal with our emotions, and that includes our feelings of anger, is to learn what their function is and how to express them constructively. Saying and doing whatever comes to mind when you are provoked to anger is a good recipe for broken relationships, a ruined career, and possibly an end to your freedom.

Many things are said and done in anger that are embarrassing and, more importantly, that may damage other people and our relationships. Words spoken in anger I often soon regretted.

On the other hand, not expressing your anger is a recipe for mental health challenges such as depression and anxiety, and physical ailments such as heart problems and high blood pressure. Anger needs to be managed so that it does not control your life, damage your relationships, and pose a threat to your mental and physical well-being.

Signs that your anger needs managing.

There are several things that you should keep an eye out for to see whether or not anger has got a hold on you and your life. Problems with anger management can manifest both in what you do with your anger and also in the ways you withdraw from expressing your anger as well. Some of the signs to look out for that may indicate that you have an anger issue include the following:

• You have many relationships that are broken as a result of things that you have said or done because you are feeling angry new sentence.
• You don’t know how to express yourself without shouting, cursing, throwing objects around, physically threatening someone, or causing damage to people and property.
• When you feel angry you keep it to yourself and say nothing.
• You have an ongoing negative dialogue in your head. It may be blaming yourself, saying hurtful or hateful things about yourself, and being harshly critical toward yourself.
• You have urges toward self-harm.
• You constantly feel angry and aggravated by even the smallest things.
• You allow people to take advantage of you because you struggle to assert yourself and tell them that they are overstepping a boundary. You don’t know how to assert your boundaries calmly and clearly or name what you need.
• Instead of saying plainly what you want, you resort to being snarky or sarcastic.
• You respond to being aggravated by being passive-aggressive, and this may look like sighing to get attention, storming out of a room so that someone follows up on you, and rolling your eyes when someone is talking.
• Your friends and other loved ones have said that you may have an issue with anger.

Having your anger under control means that anger performs the function that God designed for it in our lives, and that is to alert us to what’s going on inside of us concerning our surroundings, including when our boundaries are being violated. If your anger is under control, you can express it and assert yourself without becoming belligerent, caustic, or hostile toward others.

Proverbs 16: 32 (ESV) reminds us that “Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.” Good anger management is about having yourself and your anger under control so that events don’t overtake you. Self-mastery is a difficult but necessary life skill.

Ways to manage anger.

Managing anger happens at several levels. There are moments when provocations to anger occur, and managing that anger has to do with being ready in the moment to rein in your anger and respond appropriately.

Aside from this, managing anger is also about your general disposition outside of those moments, the choices you make that shape you into the kind of person that can respond to situations with calm, assertive anger.

In the moment, when that person insults or demeans you, you’re cut off in traffic, or you’re snubbed you can respond in several healthy ways:

Breathe.

Anger affects a person in all sorts of interesting physiological ways. Being deliberate about your breathing – slowing it down and controlling it – helps you to think clearly and react from a place of rational thought and not raw emotion.

Walk away from the situation.

You don’t have to follow the impulse of your anger and respond by engaging the other person. Step out of the room and give yourself time to calm down. If you can’t step out, several visualization exercises can help you find your happy place so that you calm down.

Step back and try to empathize.

Anger pulls you into a single-track focus – yourself – but you can manage anger by trying to see things from the other person’s perspective. This is hard because the last thing you probably feel when you’re angry is charitable and understanding. However, understanding what the other person may be feeling will help to slow down your anger and help you consider other appropriate ways to respond.

Slowing down and listening.

Listening more than you talk can give you a reprieve from anger. Your anger would have you ride roughshod over the other person and get heard, but that is usually unproductive. Rather, choose to listen and hear them out.

What Paul tells Christians to do in life, which applies to situations such as when we’re aggravated, helps us to better understand what is at stake: “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others” (Philippians 2: 3-4, ESV). This is a different way of being.

Laugh about it.

Nothing diffuses tension in a situation quite like well-placed humor. Being able to laugh at yourself is a gift only you can give yourself. Instead of taking yourself seriously, having a chuckle about the situation can help you not only feel better (as laughter does wonders for your mood) but also helps you see the situation in a different light.

Over the long term, if you want to manage your anger, you can do this by paying attention to the following:

Manage your physical health.

Taking care of basics such as getting good sleep, eating healthy, and getting some exercise goes a long way to helping you deal with daily stress. Sometimes, anger is the result of being overworked or some other stressor. Addressing this underlying stressor will help immensely in managing anger. Good sleep helps with emotional regulation, so get those hours of quality sleep in.

Improve your communication skills.

Being a better listener and communicator helps you build trust with others, and it allows you to understand the needs of others as well as know how to express your own. Sometimes we get angry because we’re not getting what we need, and we don’t know how to say what we need.

Growth in self-understanding and self-expression can help you not only create personal boundaries so that your relationships are healthier but maintain those boundaries when they are violated without blowing up in anger. Part of being a good communicator is also learning to relinquish your prejudices and unwarranted conclusions. These often shade how we hear other people, fueling anger when it isn’t necessary.

Know what sets you off.

Your anger triggers are your own and knowing what makes you angry can help you meet the situation with more awareness and preparedness. You can head off potential triggers and anticipate your anger.

Christian counseling to help you manage anger.

Anger needs to be carefully shepherded, and one reason for this is that if it gets out of control, it can undermine you and the well-being of your relationships. God desires people to live lives that are marked by self-control, peace, and joy.

Our anger often gets in the way of that. With the help of Christian counseling, you can bring your anger under control and learn to manage it. part of the freedom that Christ brings is freedom from our lives being dictated to by our emotions – our emotions make great servants, but poor masters.

Through counseling, you can learn to be a better communicator, to better understand your moods and what triggers them, and know how to set and maintain boundaries so that your relationships flourish.

If your anger is calling the shots and is affecting your life negatively, consider reaching out to a counselor who specializes in anger management. They can help you find balance and bring that anger under control.