How to Walk Alongside Your Depressed Husband

Seeing a person we love going through a hard time is heart-wrenching. We want to do all we can to love them, to make them feel loved, supported, and understood. It is possible in many situations – especially that of a depressed husband – to begin to feel powerless, especially when our presence does not seem to be making a difference. In this and other situations, remember that your empathetic presence by itself can make a difference, and you must hold onto that when it seems otherwise.

If your husband is struggling with depression, you may not know how to be that empathetic presence for him. On the other hand, you may wonder if what you are doing is making a difference. Hopefully, the words below will encourage you in your journey with your depressed husband.

Supporting a Loved One with Depression

Depression is a common mental health problem that afflicts people from all walks of life, all genders, cultures, and ethnic backgrounds. It can afflict those whom we may perceive as strong. It is often shocking for many wives to see their husbands bowed down by depression. As with any other condition or situation, one of the first ways you can function as a meaningful support is to understand what it is your husband is dealing with.

Depression is a mood disorder that affects how a person feels, thinks, and functions in daily life. Something is going on not only in the person’s body but also in their mind and brain chemistry as well. Often, depression is signaled by feelings of intense sadness which last for weeks and months. It can be tempting to think that your depressed husband just needs to push through this and get to the other side.

Depression requires treatment, and it does not just get better merely with time. Intense sadness is not the only symptom of depression. Among men, some of the common symptoms take them off guard. This can be confusing because we are primed to think of depression as being about deep sadness. Being aware of the other signs of depression helps you know what to look out for so that you are not caught unaware.

Signs of depression in men, which are also common among women, include fatigue, difficulty falling asleep, or sleeping too much. Besides sadness, a man might feel hopeless, worthless, or empty. Pleasure may no longer be derived from activities he previously enjoyed, or he may have poor memory and concentration. Appetite might change, whether it is eating too little or too much. Likewise, headaches, digestive problems, and pain might be tell-tale signs.

There are, however, some specific ways that male depression manifests. Some of those symptoms include:

Irritability or inappropriate anger

Instead of sadness, many men display fits of anger as an indicator of depression.

Avoidant and escapist behavior

This can include spending a lot of time at work, playing video games, excessive time at the gym, or watching sports. He may withdraw from family and social situations and will seek distractions to avoid dealing with his feelings or relationships.

Initiating or increasing alcohol or drug use

This is another maladaptive way of dealing with one’s feelings and negative thoughts.

Controlling, violent, or abusive behaviors

Depression can make him feel like he is out of control as his mind rebels against himself and becomes your enemy. In the struggle to bring himself under control, a depressed man can be hostile and even abusive toward his loved ones.

Risky behaviors

This includes behaviors such as gambling, reckless driving, experimenting with drugs, and engaging in unsafe sex.

Sexual dysfunction

Depression in men can lead to erectile dysfunction, a lower sex drive, having difficulty with sexual arousal, and absent or delayed orgasms.

Failing to keep up with responsibilities

This includes family and work responsibilities that he may fall behind on. You may find certain bills being unpaid, chores not done, or a decline in his work performance.

Attempting suicide

Although women attempt suicide more often than men do, men are more likely to be successful at ending their lives because they tend to use deadly methods, show fewer warning signs that they are suicidal, and act more impulsively on their suicidal thoughts.

If your husband has suicidal thoughts, may hurt himself, or attempt suicide, there is help available. If he is in imminent danger, call 911 or your local emergency number immediately. If not, your husband can also contact a suicide hotline. In the U.S., one can use the Lifeline Chat or call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide ; Crisis Lifeline which is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. These services are free and confidential.

One of the realities of walking alongside your depressed husband is that he may downplay his symptoms or be reluctant to discuss them. Due to the socialization of many men, discussing one’s feelings and being vulnerable is difficult. He may resist seeking mental health treatment because of the perceived stigma attached to it, and the feeling that his loved ones will pity him or lose respect for him.

Navigating these complicated feelings requires much wisdom and patience. You do not have to walk that journey alone – you can speak with a Christian counselor who can help you unpack the situation and guide you in knowing how best to be present for your husband.

Dealing with Depression through Effective Treatments

The good news about depression is that it is treatable, so there is room for hope. The treatment options that are available for dealing with depression in men are the same as those for women, though your husband’s doctor will develop a treatment that is unique to his story and needs. Some of the effective treatments available for addressing depression include home remedies, talk therapy, and medication.

Home remedies are activities and lifestyle changes that can be implemented at home to promote better health so one can cope with difficult circumstances.

Some of these include the following:

Having structure

Creating structure and having a daily routine may help make each day feel a little easier because he does not have to decide at each moment what he should be doing.

Delaying decisions

Depression affects a person’s thinking. Your husband should delay making important decisions such as moving or changing jobs until his depression symptoms improve.

Taking care of physical health

This includes getting regular exercise, whatever its form, getting good sleep by setting a sleep routine that promotes sleep hygiene and eating well. Alongside exercise, mindfulness or meditation can also help in reducing one’s stress levels.

Setting manageable tasks and goals

Setting realistic goals and prioritizing his tasks, along with breaking them down into smaller, more manageable ones, can help him be productive while avoiding getting overwhelmed.

Using support networks

Talking with someone about what he is feeling is important, and it can help him to normalize feelings and make them feel manageable. Your husband can speak with a trusted friend, and he can engage in activities he typically enjoys so that he can connect with others and not be isolated.

Avoiding alcohol

Alcohol can affect a person’s mood and health. Avoiding alcohol altogether or reducing alcohol intake may improve his health and mood.

Other ways of addressing depression include talk therapy, which can help with identifying: the triggers of depression; unhelpful patterns of thought and behavior that can make depression worse; and learning new ways to cope.

Medication can also assist in dealing with depression. A wide range of medications from selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), selective norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors (SNRIs), and tricyclic antidepressants (TCAs), among others, are available. These medications must be prescribed and taken after consultation with a doctor. You can help your husband take his medication as prescribed and monitor side effects for the best results.

Helpfully Walking Alongside Your Depressed Husband

If you notice the signs of depression in your husband, it is essential to have an honest discussion with him as a first step. Try to be an empathetic listener, keeping in mind that the answers may not come easily or without gentle, patient prodding.

Be aware that depression affects a person deeply, and that the changes you have noticed in your husband can likely be traced back to depression. The depression may have caused relational difficulties in your home, and these will need to be addressed at some point.

You can encourage your depressed husband to make an appointment with a doctor or a counselor to try and understand his symptoms. If he is diagnosed with depression, you are an integral part of his treatment team. You can take him to his therapy appointments, help him remain consistent with his medication, go for a run with him, and help your household eat well and get good sleep.

If you need support as you walk with your depressed husband, please reach out to us. We will help you secure an appointment with a Christian counselor from our directory who can provide you with the space you need to unpack your feelings and the tools you need to cope.