Mourning the Life You Once Had

You look in the mirror, and all you see are the crow’s feet and gray hairs popping out of your eyebrows. You wake up, and the moments of chaos, messy fingerprints on the refrigerator door, and piles of laundry from your children are no longer there. You come home to an empty house now because someone left, even though you made a promise to one another.

Many people experience grief, but you might be surprised how many of the grief-stricken people you encounter are not grieving the loss of a close family member, friend, or even pet. They have lost a previous version of themselves or life that they long for.

Everything Changes

Life changes, and it takes with it our careers, our social status, and even our youthful bodies. Maybe you have been recently fired from a job you loved or one that you voluntarily left, hoping to pursue something bigger and better. Perhaps your friend group, the one that seemed so solid and united, has fractured over gossip or misunderstandings.

It could be that your once pristine complexion has become withered with wrinkles, as if it has morphed into a road map that could take you back to the life you once lived. Maybe it is that the person you thought you would spend the rest of your life with suddenly chooses to walk out. There are endless ways and reasons your life can change, and most of them are beyond your control.

No one has a funeral for their youth or wears black to mourn the loss of their best friend who moved to Cleveland. Still, it is perfectly normal to wake up one morning and mourn the life you once had.

It is easy to get caught up in the day-to-day hustle and bustle while juggling the weekly menu, heavy to-do list, and chauffeur duties. But what we fail to recognize in those moments when our inboxes are jammed full of requests, and our floors are covered in dust bunnies, is that these moments will pass. One day, you wake up to a life that you were not expecting nor prepared for, and now there is a mourning for some version of yourself that you have lost.

Some people think fondly about the moments when their knees did not crunch as they walked down the stairs. Others mourn the fact that they do not turn the heads of potential suitors the way they once did. Some people miss the chaos of child-raising and the constant influx of questions, messes left in the kitchen from an overnight teen raid, and the butterfly kisses before bed.

You might miss the satisfaction you got from accomplishing a complicated task at work or the praise you received when you made a large sale. Or maybe you just miss the younger version of yourself that still had so much to look forward to, with so many milestones unmet and potential paths to pursue.

The good news is that your story is not over. You may think that your best years and best experiences are a thing of the past, but as long as your heart is beating and there is air in your lungs, God is not through with you, no matter your age and stage in life. God has you alive, in this moment, for a purpose. You have a purpose.

Embracing the Present and the Future

Hearing the truth that God has a plan, still, even in this advanced stage of your life, is one thing, but overcoming your natural tendency to mourn the loss of your former life is another. You can know the truth and still not be able to control the natural emotions that you feel.

What should you do when you feel like your best years are behind you or that your former life was a lot more satisfying than your current one?

When you catch yourself longing for the past, remind yourself that nostalgia has a way of highlighting the good while blurring the struggles that came with it. Remember that road trip you took with your bestie when you got a flat tire, a bug in your salad, and the hard mattress in the cheap hotel? You may look back and laugh at the mishaps now, but in that moment, no one was laughing.

You may have seen this phenomenon happen after a death, too. Those left behind tend to glamorize their deceased loved one, choosing to dwell on the positive aspects of their life and glossing over the negatives. The same mental processing that allows you to do this is also tricking you into remembering a more glamorous version of your past, free of the bumps and dips of reality.

Every season of life carries both joy and difficulty. Just as you once found purpose and fulfillment in previous stages, you can find it again. You can do it now, right where you are.

One way to move forward is to practice gratitude. Instead of solely mourning what was, make it a deliberate habit to recognize what is still beautiful in your life. Maybe it is the wisdom you have gained, the friendships that have deepened, or the new opportunities that are just now unfolding. Or maybe it is just the fact that you have stumbled across these words, telling you that you are not alone and are loved.

Even in moments of loneliness or uncertainty, there is always something to cherish. God Himself came down to Earth to save your soul because He loves you. That alone can bring delight.

Another key to embracing the present is to lean into future growth and opportunities. What dreams have you set aside? What skills have you always wanted to learn? What relationships could you restore or nurture? Life may not look exactly the way it once did, but that does not mean it can not still be meaningful, vibrant, and full of God-given joy and God-directed purpose.

God does not change

While your life, your appearance, and your relationships may change, one thing that is consistent is God. God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Just because your life may look different than it did one, ten, or fifteen years ago, does not mean that God has changed along with it.

God does not age, fail, or leave you. God is, and always will be, your constant companion. What a great relief to know that no matter what you go through, where you go, or how your circumstances change, the God who created the universe so many years ago is with you and loves you!

Your Identity in Christ

Most importantly, remember that your identity is not tied to a single season in your life. You are more than your youth, your career, or your role as a parent, spouse, or professional. You are continually becoming the God-appointed version of you. You are shaped by your experiences, strengthened by your challenges, and guided by the One who still has great and mighty plans for you. No wrinkle or unresolved past can change your true identity as a child of God.

Seeking Help

If you find yourself mourning the past, acknowledge it, but you do not have to stay there. If you need help walking through this stage in life, do not hesitate to seek help from a professional Christian therapist. Sometimes all you need is a gentle reminder to step forward in faith, knowing that the life ahead of you still holds purpose, beauty, and joy.

Connect with a therapist on this site to see how they can support you and help you find joy in this new season.