Practical Tips to Process Your Trauma: Don’t Compare to Everyone Else

We all have a story to tell. Some chapters of our stories are longer than others. Some chapters have more sap and joy while others have more despair and tragedy. There are individuals who deal with a lifetime of loss while others do not experience it until much later in life. It is important to realize that trauma will vary from person to person and experience to experience.

Trauma is an event that can shake you to your very core. Trauma can be the hardship of processing a medical diagnosis. It can be the inability to continue living as you did before a life-shattering event occurred. The impact of trauma can leave a sense of uneasiness and hardship in completing day-to-day activities.

It can be the hardship of trying to cope with and process the events that you experienced or witnessed. It can be losing a relationship, home, sense of security, best friend, spouse, or having a miscarriage. Trauma can be witnessing a car accident that seriously injured someone or it can be seeing someone you love struggle or physically decline suddenly.

Trauma is a disturbance in your soul. It can cause a sudden shift at the heart of who you are. It can leave you questioning things and unable to cope with the shift that has suddenly changed your view mentally, physically, or spiritually.

Firsthand trauma is a direct encounter with something traumatic. Firsthand trauma can develop while attempting to cope with a cancer diagnosis, the loss of a limb, losing belongings in a fire, a miscarriage, abuse, or financial stress. Secondhand trauma is an overlooked form of trauma, which can occur by observing someone else’s traumatic experience. Secondhand trauma can also set in while trying to help others in their healing journey. It is also known as compassion fatigue.

Tips for Processing Your Trauma

Unfortunately, we all face seasons of life that are difficult to process and understand. When loved ones die, when one’s sense of safety is ripped away, and when life throws one obstacle after another, it is important to take steps toward processing your trauma so that healthy processing can occur.

Surround yourself with a good support system

It is important to surround yourself with a strong, healthy support system. Have a circle of friends and family that are authentic, compassionate, and allow you to voice your feelings and struggles. Talk to your spouse as you work through your traumatic experience. It is so important to have a circle of reliable and trustworthy friends, so you do not have to put on a façade and feel the need to appear perfect.

Life is about facing obstacles and struggles together and allowing those experiences to mold and shape you. It is about working through the grief and trauma together so that relationships can withstand the ups and downs of life.

Life is about allowing the Holy Spirit to use the seasons of grief to bring you closer to Him, to strengthen your relationships, and to cultivate authentic relationships with those around you. Admit your struggles. Ask for help. Allow others in your circle of comfort to minister to you during your time of grief.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. – James 1:2-3 (NIV)

Grief has no timeline and is unique to the person experiencing it

Terri Irwin said, “Your grief path is yours alone, and no one else can walk it, and no one else can understand it.” It is important, when processing firsthand or secondhand trauma, not to compare your grief timeline to that of someone else. It is vital to realize that the impact of seeing someone die in a car accident can differ from person to person.

The impact can be dissimilar for the woman who just experienced a miscarriage. The impact can be different for the couple whose child was just diagnosed with cancer. People process situations and diagnoses differently.

Grief does not have a specific timeline or checklist to work through. It is important is to allow yourself to grieve. Allow yourself to ask for help. Allow yourself to see a counselor to help you with effective coping. Allow yourself to cry when the pain feels too great to bear. Allow yourself to speak up when you need to. Allow yourself to schedule a counseling session.

Do not equate your sense of safety to someone who has faced a similar misfortune. We are all uniquely created, have different emotional baggage and triggers, and all faced various circumstances that have molded and shaped who we are today. Know that your grief does not need to be compared to others. Walk your unique grief path and allow your support system to hold your hand along the way.

Share your story

While we do not desire to face hardships of any kind, God can use these unfortunate events and use our stories to help others who may be facing similar experiences. It is significant to share your story in order to allow others into the painful depths of your past, the dark parts of your heart, and to allow God to use those memories to help others during their time of agony. God has given you a story to tell – one that may help someone else when they feel vulnerable, alone, and bogged down by life.

Cultivating authentic relationships is one of the most important things needed during times of coping with tragedy and dealing with traumatic shifts. God can use our tragedies to help us to understand the true meaning and significance of compassion; a desire to be there and lift others up during their times of grief.

Take continued steps toward healing

It is imperative to find something that helps you unwind and relax during your moments of sorrow and grief. You can pray, read your Bible, take deep breaths, workout, unwind in nature, express yourself through art, or do something specific to you that relaxes you mentally, physically, and emotionally. Know your grief triggers.

Following a traumatic experience, you will find it helpful to stay in tune with the symptoms of your unique grieving process. If you are experiencing prolonged nightmares, mood shifts, uneasiness, depression, fear, or prolonged anxiety, please schedule an appointment with a counselor.

Face your trauma

When facing traumatic chords in your heartstrings, it is important not to feel like you are alone in the grieving process. Realize that it is worth asking for help or scheduling your first counseling session. It is vital to have a solid support system that is there during the highs and lows of working through your inner turmoil. It is healthy to grieve. Allow yourself to feel and allow yourself time to process those feelings. It is important to allow others to help you when circumstances are trying.

It is also healthy to cultivate relationships and allow others into the aching parts of your heart. Express to them how you are feeling and if you can’t find the words, ask them to be there for you, to cry with you, or to hold your hand when things are difficult.

Do not let others put a timeline on your grief. We all process things in our own way and in our own time. Different events can cause different feelings for every individual. It is okay to acknowledge that pain, ask for help, and give yourself permission to start on the road to accepting what you have experienced. Your sense of safety is worth fighting for. Your joy is worth fighting for.

If you have recently lost someone or something, if your heart has been shattered into what feels like a million pieces, if you feel alone – know that you do not have to continue feeling this way.

Next steps

A Christian counselor can aid you in your healing journey, help develop a plan for dealing with your tragedy, and give you effective coping strategies during times of crisis. Visit our counselor directory to find the right trauma counselor for you and your situation.