Ways Anxiety Impacts Children: Their Education and Their Life

Many children today experience anxiety daily. Some anxiety is developmental and age-appropriate. However, if left uncontrolled, Anxiety can make life difficult for kids and the people who love them. This article will focus on how we define anxiety, some ways it can present in school-aged children, what to do about it, and when to seek professional help.

To begin the discussion on anxiety, let us first discuss the difference between anxiety and fear. While these two can be related, they are different in presentation or alleviation. Fear is an emotional state of the brain in response to a perceived or actual threat.

An example might be when a child is afraid of a barking dog on a walk, or a stranger coming up to them. A caregiver’s reassurance or removal of the danger can help fear subside quickly and the child moves on with their day. While the child may remember the fear, they do not have the same intense feeling later when thinking about it.

Anxiety, however, is an anticipation of a future threat. Continuing the example from above, anxiety might make the child avoid the park because they may see another barking dog. The difference between fear and anxiety is that in the first example, the danger (dog) was present. In the second, the child perceives the danger or worries about it being there. Now that the difference between fear and anxiety is clear, the article will consider some symptoms of anxiety.

Anxiety varies in intensity and symptoms, especially in children. Symptoms range in severity from nervousness in unfamiliar situations, restlessness, avoidance behavior, difficulty sleeping, concentrating, or eating, to rapid breathing, panic, tummy or headaches, inability to control the worry, and feeling so anxious they cannot identify what is causing it.

Let us talk about what other behaviors kids use to tell us they may be experiencing some anxiety. Often children will cling to their parents or caregivers when they feel anxious. If you have a kindergartener, this may be physically clinging to your leg or one thousand hugs for example.

If you have an older grade school child, it may take a long time to get ready for school in the morning almost making them late. Even older children may refuse to get out of the car, board the bus, or go to school at all. Emotional tantrums are also common.

While parents can expect this behavior to an extent from younger children, older children may argue, back-talk, or complain. Other behaviors may include crying, giving attitudes, seeming scared, or upset, and trying to escape or hide.

Anxiety often touches many areas of a child’s life and can be difficult for them to express. Sometimes kids provide clues to their feelings of anxiety by using the phrase “what if?” The subject of what if often helps us know what anxiety is focused on. “What if I fail the test?” is different from “What if no one likes me?”

Younger kids may simply say “I’m sick,” “My tummy hurts” or “I don’t want to go.” You may notice the child seeming less themselves or making fewer happy noises. Other times a child’s anxiety is expressed somatically by regular complaints of aches and pains, feeling ill or tired, or having difficulty concentrating and following through on work.

If the child’s anxiety is related to school, learning can be impacted by way of tardiness, acting up in class, daydreaming, or otherwise struggling. It should be noted that other conditions such as needing glasses, hearing difficulties, or ADHD, to name a few, can also give children trouble. It is always best to rule these and other conditions out in addition to addressing the anxiety.

This article has so far discussed what anxiety is and the ways it can present itself. This section will focus on how anxiety affects a child’s school life and education. In my work with children, I hear many reasons why kids experience anxiety surrounding their school experience.

Kids tell me that they experience anxiety related to friends and social situations, and worry about bullying, teachers, grades, and tests. Other children’s anxiety is impacted by their home life, socioeconomic status, racism, and concerns over gun violence both in and outside of school.

However, I would like to draw attention to some areas of anxiety most may not have considered. Almost all the children I see who are struggling with anxiety also have concerns over not being allowed to eat except lunch (which may not be enough food), bathroom rules and situations that occur in the bathroom, and sitting still too long with no recess or breaks.

Many schools have three-minute passing periods for students to use the restroom. Kids tell me that they cannot go in the first ten or the last ten minutes of class and this causes kids to hold it and increases anxiety. The anxiety in this case is both understandable and concerning. When children’s basic needs are not being met, whether that is physical needs like rest, food, or breaks, or emotional needs like belonging and safety, it is no wonder our children are stressed.

If test anxiety is present, it can seem impossible for children to face their day. When one considers any learning difficulties like dyslexia or math struggles, the stressors continue to pile on. Another factor is the number of hours children spend in school and away from their primary caregivers.

Without a safe adult to help manage their emotions, kids stay on high alert. A clever way to think about it is that anxiety is like a firefighter always on duty. The anticipatory stress never stops. They are always ready to jump into action. Children’s brains were not meant to stay in this state, which begs the question of how one can help their child with anxiety.

While some things about school are unchangeable, we can help our children learn to deal with the unchangeable things around them. One thing that helps alleviate anxiety is knowing what to expect. Having a solid routine gives children two things they need: structure and predictability.

Having the same morning pattern, for example, getting dressed, eating breakfast, brushing teeth, putting on shoes, and going out the door can help. Do not forget the coming home routine as well. This is especially important for older kids who may not need you to do things like physically dress them or help them get ready.

To pair with routine, I encourage all my parents to have a couple of points in the routine that help build connection. The most important part of your child’s day is the first five minutes and the last. Making lunches, insisting on hugs at wake up and before leaving the house, praying before breakfast, filling a water bottle for them, and sending a special snack can go a long way to help ease anxiety.

There are many ways to implement this for your child. I encourage parents to try some things and see what works for them. Even a busy parent can jot down an “I love you” note and stick it where they will find it. Allowing the routine to flex a little or change as the family’s needs change is imperative.

The next thing that can help with anxiety is talking about school. As Daniel Tiger says, “When we do something new, let’s talk about what we’ll do.” Knowing what to expect gives kids a clear idea of what is expected as well as removes the ability for their imaginations to spiral. Talking positively about school and school things may help children keep a positive outlook on the day.

Sometimes it is beneficial to help them “find the gold nugget” in a tough day. The highlight of their day may be getting to sit with a friend at lunch or their favorite class for example. Help them talk about both the good and the bad. Be sure to praise effort over results.

Saying something like “I know it was hard for you to go to school today great effort!” or “I saw how hard this morning was, I am proud of your determination” can help let your child know you recognize what it took to get to school.

The most important thing when talking about something related to anxiety is not to invalidate your child. For example, if your child says, “I hate school it’s awful,” instead of saying “It’s not that bad,” or “We don’t talk like that,” try asking what made it awful.

Remember, you do not need to fix things right away unless something unsafe is happening. You can just listen. Listening to your child increases their attachment to you and makes you a rockstar to them. Helping them plan for the hard parts of the day can increase their resilience to anxiety.

As we consider anxiety and what helps children mindfulness on the part of the parent and child is immensely helpful. What I mean by mindfulness is considering the cause and effect of decisions. For example, we know that most children do not get enough sleep.

Adding and sticking to bedtime can help ensure that enough sleep is had, increasing the child’s ability to engage in logical thinking that is required for school. Sleep also plays a huge role in the ability to regulate emotions. Remember when your child was two and missed a nap? Big kids need adequate sleep too.

This suggestion is perhaps the most difficult for most of my families. Limit screen time and get them off the internet. Increased staring at a screen increases anxiety in the brain. Consider all the electronic intake your children have in a day. Many schools use computers for much of their in-school work nowadays. If your child has a phone, they use it more than you think.

Screens short-circuit our brains and can lead to depression, anxiety, and addiction. I understand that this may make you unpopular with your child, but it is important for their health. If your child already has access to the internet or a raging screen habit, you can change that. It takes some work, but you can do it.

An effective way to start is to let them know that you would like to do something fun with them instead. Begin replacing the screens with a personal connection. I understand that many parents work and are busier than any previous generation. This does not have to be big, and it does not have to be right away.

This might look like ice cream night on Friday night (no phones allowed), a ten-minute check-in while the kids have a snack after school, family meetings once a week, or a board game night. Whatever fills your kids’ bucket can begin to replace those screens.

However, I am not saying that you must go without screens. Many families connect over video games and their favorite shows. All I am suggesting is minor changes that help connection and attachment increase and screen dependency decrease. Even a minor change like no YouTube unless we are watching together makes a significant impact.

There is one more important question to answer. When do I seek professional help for my child? If your child gives resistance to school, complains of tummy or headaches often, throws fits, back talks, or makes themselves regularly late, it might be time to seek help. Speaking with a counselor before it gets to the point of school refusal can shorten your child’s length of therapy as well as the length and severity of their distress.

Another sign might be when your child withdraws from friends and activities that they enjoy, seems completely drained at the end of a school day, or dreads Mondays. Another reason to seek counseling may be if as the parent you are struggling with your child’s behavior or anxiety and need some help with strategies. In my work with children, I often end up helping the parents as well, as the greatest attachment a child has is to the parent.

This article discussed some of the signs and symptoms of anxiety but is in no way an exhaustive list. If you think that your child is suffering more from anxiety than fear, is experiencing symptoms of anxiety or stress, refuses to go to school, struggles in school, and needs help regulating their emotions, please call and speak to a counselor today.

While the suggestions made here can help, they may not be enough for your family. If you feel your family would benefit from extra support, please call us, and set up an appointment.