How to Improve Communication in a Relationship in a Digital World

Communication is important in every aspect of life. It’s so important that entire college degrees are centered on communication. Psychologists work carefully with clients to help them learn how to be more effective communicators, and multi-million dollar business deals rely on it. The world of art centers on conveying ideas through visual presentation.

Even the Bible talks about communication and how it affects our lives. It talks about the importance of speaking the truth and helping to build each other up (Ephesians 4:15, Ephesians 4:29). It tells us to be quick to listen and describes the fallout when we don’t (James 1:19, Proverbs 27:6).

It’s clear that communicating ideas effectively is important for nearly every facet of life, but it’s particularly important in relationships. Even if your communication isn’t the best, you can learn how to improve communication in a relationship.

Shouldn’t Communication Be Improving?

One would think that with all the connectivity that our modern age affords us, communication would be improving. Unfortunately, that is simply not true. Modern conveniences like texting and email may provide us with instant access to the people in our lives, but it doesn’t guarantee quality communication.

Texting

Much of our modern conversations happen through texting. While texting allows people to stay in touch more easily, it also undermines the authentic beauty of face-to-face communication. And texting can often cause a lack of clarity in content and intent.

The nuances of in-person conversations, the flicker of the eyes, micro-facial expressions, and voice inflections are all gone when communication is reduced to words on a screen. Even though the use of emojis can give more clarity and context than words alone, there is still a discrepancy between the effectiveness of in-person communication and what is done over text.

Out of Practice

Not only does this texting deteriorate the quality of communication, but it can also affect your ability to communicate in general. Just like all other skills, communication is a learned skill that needs to be practiced to be perfected. When texting and other digital means become the main source of communication, your ability to interact in person can suffer.

Avoidance

Most people will avoid conflict when they can, and the internet affords you that luxury. It’s often easier to avoid difficult conversations by leaving people “on read” or ghosting them entirely than it is to have a conflict. Because the internet allows physical distance in communication, it enables you to avoid conversations that really should take place.

Misunderstandings

Many conflicts and misunderstandings, even broken relationships, could be avoided if people were simply willing to say what they actually mean and actively listen to one another. Misunderstandings abound online where tone and intent are easily misread. Without the benefit of facial expressions, body language, and even voice inflections, it’s tempting for your audience to fill in the gap in communication with their own assumptions.

How to Improve Communication

The good news is that communication is a skill. Like any other skill, it can be improved with practice and intentional effort, even in the digital age.

Be Quick to Listen

Scripture says to be “quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry” (James 1:19, NIV). When you actively listen, you’re allowing the person you’re talking with to feel heard, and that builds trust. To do this in a practical sense, you should prioritize in-person conversations over digital communication and put away your device when you do. This helps you give your full attention to the person in front of you.

If you’re communicating digitally, you can still be an active listener by fully reading text or comments rather than skimming for important information and perhaps missing important details in the process.

Speak Clearly

Saying what you mean in a kind and respectful, even direct way helps to eliminate confusion and reduces the chance of hurt feelings. Avoid vague or passive language and get into the habit of using concise words to express your thoughts in a way that leaves no room for confusion.

Be Honest

While it seems like speaking honestly should go without saying, a lack of authenticity can deteriorate friendships and shut communication down. Ephesians 4 encourages believers to speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15, NIV). While honesty is the expectation in communication, it should also be tempered with love.

Being honest also requires you to be vulnerable. Digital communication can act as a shield sometimes. It allows you to curate a version of yourself that is filtered and edited, void of authenticity. Later in the fourth chapter of Ephesians, we’re told to “put off falsehood” (Ephesians 4:25, NIV). In this context, it shows that we must be willing to share ourselves with others in an unedited, unfiltered state.

Address Issues Directly

Matthew 18:15 shows the importance of going directly to someone when there’s a problem instead of allowing anger and resentment to fester or manifest in a less healthy way. This is a good practice in the modern world, too.

Don’t allow issues to grow or involve other people unnecessarily. In the digital world, it can be tempting to ignore issues or to vent online. But part of being honest is also going directly to the person you have an issue with, rather than allowing that issue to be aired online in a public forum or ignoring the issue altogether.

Practice Patience

If you’re a Christ-follower, you know all about grace and patience. God extended it to you when you accepted Christ, and He continues to forgive, over and over again. The Bible calls us to do the same: “Bear with each other and forgive one another.” (Colossians 3:13, NIV) You will inevitably have misunderstandings and bad communication days. But you can consciously choose patience instead of reactionary behavior to help mitigate the negative effects.

Make Echoing a Habit

Implement active verification into your communication to ward off misunderstandings. In person, you probably do this naturally with a nod of your head or the occasional “uh-huh.” But online, you have to do it manually.

Before you react to a text that feels potentially hurtful, ask for clarification. Ask something like, “Am I understanding correctly that you…” Not only does this demand clarification, but this small pivot in the conversation helps you to practice being slow to anger.

Don’t Blame Technology Entirely

While it’s easy to blame modern communication problems on the internet, the truth is that, while online communication does have its limitations, it’s not entirely to blame. Technology doesn’t create communication flaws; it just amplifies them.

A smartphone doesn’t make you a reactionary person. It just gives you the tools to act on your reactions and may amplify the effect. If you struggle with honesty, the internet may give you a convenient and easy platform on which to deceive. Consider how you use technology and why. This will help clarify what lies beneath your digital communications.

Adhere to the Two Text Rule

Some conversations are just too complicated or important to take place over text. A rule to follow for relationships is that if a disagreement or a complex topic isn’t resolved in two text exchanges, the conversation should be moved immediately to a voice call or in person conversation. This prevents assumptions from being made.

Therapy Can Help You Improve Communication in Your Relationships

If you need help learning how to be a better communicator, make an appointment with one of our Christian therapists today. Sometimes an outside perspective can make it easier to recognize patterns in your own life, which can help you find healthier ways to express your emotions and thoughts. In therapy, you can also learn how to be a better listener and how to overcome any habits that might be interfering with your communication.

Digital communication is faster, but not necessarily better. Technology may shape how you communicate, but it doesn’t change the importance of listening well, speaking the truth, and treating others with kindness. Words matter, even if they are just on a screen.

Connect with this office for a risk-free consultation to see how Christian therapy can help you improve your communication.