How to Improve Communication in a Relationship: 9 Practical Tips

There’s a lot that can be said about what helps to keep a couple together. Chemistry is a factor, as are things such as a mutual commitment to one another and having support to navigate difficult situations. In and through all that, the glue and lifeblood of the relationship is communication. Poor communication hampers the flourishing of a relationship.

Why Good Communication Matters

Communication is important because we can’t know each other’s thoughts and feelings through other means. We must use our minds, hearts, bodies, and mouths to express ourselves and our needs to the people we love, and they must do likewise. Using your words, whether you’re signing, saying, or typing them, is by far the best way to communicate with others, even though it comes with its own complications.

Some Challenges with Communication

Communication is the necessary pathway through which to express desires, needs, dreams, and expectations to others. This is one of several reasons it can be quite damaging when communication breaks down or becomes a challenge in a relationship. A relationship can be burdened with painful realities such as silence, unexpressed emotions, misunderstandings, and deep conflict.

There are several common reasons for misunderstandings that can affect relationships. Once identified, they can be remedied, but it takes work to change any unhealthy patterns of thought or behavior that may be contributing to issues with communication in the relationship.

Some of the reasons for poor communication in relationships include:

Making assumptions Assuming we know what our significant other is thinking and feeling can result in unmet expectations or resentment because we make efforts that aren’t appreciated enough. One partner or spouse may make assumptions about the other’s love language, for example, leading to a mismatch between efforts and how they’re understood and appreciated.

Misinterpretations It’s easy to mistake a person’s tone or intent, particularly when reading a text message or online post. A thumbs up or “Okay” may be read as passive-aggressive or entirely indifferent.

Emotional baggage When one spouse reacts sharply to a comment about family or parenting, that could be shocking and feel unreasonable. Unresolved issues and past hurts can become triggers, and often people deal with triggers by withdrawing or being defensive. If these issues aren’t talked about, they can lurk beneath the surface and make communication hard.

Facing pressure and stress When facing a lot of pressure from a work deadline, one spouse could become a bit short-tempered at home, and their partner often feels the brunt of that. When a person faces work pressure or stress from financial or other issues, that affects their demeanor and how they communicate. They can become more irritable, less patient, inflexible, or curt. All this can make effective communication in the relationship harder.

Different communication styles Some people are reserved, while others are expressive. Some people prefer processing things out loud together, while others want time alone to process before engaging. Without acknowledging different styles, respecting one another, and taking practical steps to accommodate these different styles, it can cause conflict and miscommunication.

Lacking time and emotional availability A couple might have the best of intentions, but sometimes they may simply find that their current schedules aren’t allowing for effective communication. If busyness results in surface-level conversations, it can lead to a sense of disconnection and possible misunderstandings.

Unhealthy communication patterns Couples can get into a rut. That rut could include unhealthy patterns like being sarcastic or dismissive, stonewalling, or constantly criticizing each other. The effect of such patterns is often hostility and an environment where vulnerability feels unsafe. The situation may also give rise to resentment, which only makes effective communication harder to achieve.

Emotional unavailability on the part of one or both partners can also hamper effective communication. Some of the ways that unavailability manifests include dismissing or avoiding conversations, as well as not sharing one’s feelings. Being emotionally unavailable can create distance in a relationship.

How to Improve Communication in a Relationship

To improve communication, it’s important for a couple to identify some of the ways they struggle to have healthy communication. It takes commitment and practice to recognize the barriers to good communication and learn to overcome them.

Couples can implement many strategies to overcome communication challenges and develop a healthy mutual understanding. These strategies include the following:

Having regular check-ins Time is such a precious commodity, and couples must be intentional about spending time together. Schedule regular time together to check in with one another. That could include catching up about the day and sharing any concerns or things that brightened your day. Having such intentionality can help a couple nip small issues in the bud before they escalate.

Using active listening Communication is about more than just expressing yourself. A large component of it is listening well. Being an active listener means being fully present and available to the other person. When they leave the conversation, they feel heard and understood. Getting there takes practice maintaining appropriate eye contact, putting distractions away, asking questions, etc.

Expressing empathy and validation Listening well should be informed and accompanied by empathy, which is when you put yourself in another person’s shoes and try to see things how they would. Empathy and validation, the latter of which means legitimating their feelings even if you disagree with them, help to nurture trust and intimacy in a relationship.

Saying “Thank you” Those two little words do a lot of heavy lifting in a relationship. Expressing gratitude to your loved one helps them to feel valued, and it helps to reinforce healthy behaviors.

Having norms or rules of engagement You and your beloved are unique individuals, and you have things that work for you and those that don’t. Some of the ways you handle issues in your relationship might include not going to bed angry with each other (Ephesians 4:26-27), not raising your voices, the ways and means you use to communicate, and how often you reach out during the day.

Having these norms just helps you to have smoother communication, and it helps you set expectations that you’re both aware of.

Learning how to resolve conflict Two sinful people in a relationship are bound to have conflict. However, conflict doesn’t have to be nasty or destructive. Healthy conflict can help a couple focus clearly on the issues, and in the end, they can understand each other better and know with greater clarity how to love each other well.

Healthy conflict includes striving for solutions, focusing on the issues instead of assigning blame, learning how to express difficult emotions without shaming or attacking others, and shying away from aiming to win the argument.

Taking a digital detox Technology can overtake a relationship, and a couple’s interactions may wind up being mediated through their technology. It can be immensely helpful for a couple to hold one another’s attention, and not their devices, for some literal face time. Couples can also set boundaries regarding device usage, such as at the dinner table or during their check-in time.

Learning love languages A person’s love language is how they best feel loved, as well as how they typically express love. The languages include acts of service, quality time, words of affirmation, physical touch, and gifts. They can change as a person grows older or enters new seasons of life, but knowing how your spouse prefers to give and receive love can help prevent misunderstandings and strengthen your bond.

Making use of Christian counseling in Laredo, Texas Couples counseling in Laredo, Texas can provide a couple with effective and valuable tools that can help them address their pressing needs. Counseling also creates a neutral space for the couple to express their concerns and receive guidance to improve their communication, handle conflict better, and build a connected, fulfilling, and harmonious life together.

To learn more about how Christian counseling in Laredo, Texas can help you improve communication in your relationship, contact our office today at Texas Christian Counseling, Laredo.