4 Tips for Overcoming Women’s Insecurities

Dealing with women’s insecurities can feel insurmountable.

We can be excited about an event, wait months, and buy the perfect dress. Yet only minutes before we leave, we can be hit with negative self-talk, like, “I look horrible in this dress. Everyone is going to stare at me and laugh. I’m going to embarrass my date. What if he sees me in this and notices my flaws? What if he would rather be with someone else prettier/thinner/more attractive than me?”

These thoughts can keep us from enjoying plans with loved ones while also lowering our self-esteem and dropping our self-confidence. Why do we do this to ourselves?

What insecurities do women face?

Women can develop insecurities for various reasons. These reasons can also combine and make things worse. For example, if you grew up with a critical parent, struggled with yo-yo dieting and perfection, and married a man who expects you to look a certain way, you are most likely insecure about your appearance and behavior.

Other women may be insecure about their relationships because they have experienced betrayal on multiple levels from different partners.

Sometimes we embrace beliefs that are not true but feel like others have confirmed them in the past. For example, we might believe we are unattractive because of bullying as a child and the way others have treated us. Yet, the truth can be far from our beliefs. Often, other people place their insecurities onto us, and we carry them for the rest of our lives.

When you succumb to these women’s insecurities, you allow the self-talk to affect your life and relationships. Stop the cycle and learn how to become a more confident woman.

Reasons for women’s insecurities (the thoughts or beliefs that a woman has about herself):

• Not trim, thin, or skinny enough.
• Not pretty enough.
• Not smart enough.
• Not worthy of being loved.

How to overcome women’s insecurities

You can take steps to overcome women’s insecurities. Insecurities are fears based on past experiences. For example, if you had a partner who cheated on you and had multiple affairs, you may bring that doubt and suspicion into a new relationship.

You might question his whereabouts and phone calls to protect your heart from being broken again. These behaviors are examples of insecurity based on feeling unloved, unwanted, and betrayed. A solid foundation cannot be built without trust.

Before practicing each of the following tips, analyze where you believe your insecurity stems. Was it something that happened in your childhood or as an adult? Is it the culmination of hurt and disappointment?

Could it stem from a mental condition, such as Body Dysmorphic Disorder? Take your time to discover why you harbor insecurities and then find ways to cope with your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.

List your positive attributes.

When we focus on our insecurities, fears, and flaws, we forget about the positive aspects of our lives. What positive attributes do you embody? Your list can include physical, emotional, or character traits.

For example, when it comes to your body, perhaps you are thankful for your strong legs that carry you through the day or your thick hair. Maybe you are proud of your ability to persevere and of your work ethic.

Write a list of positive attributes and traits you exhibit and why those are important to you. Post the list where you will see it so you can remember all the things you love about yourself when negative thoughts enter your mind.

Everyone has flaws, but most don’t obsess over them and allow those flaws to dictate their life. If you need help getting to that mental space, reach out to our office today to speak to a counselor.

Watch your negative inner talk.

What words do you say to yourself daily? Are they mean comments about your appearance, intelligence, or character traits? When we are insecure, we say horrible things to ourselves. We send ourselves into fits and allow negative self-talk to rule our emotions and actions.

How often have you had a conversation similar to this: “I don’t know why I bother. No one ever listens to me, and why should they? I’m not attractive, and all these other women are prettier, smarter, wealthier, and thinner than me. Some days it’s not even worth getting out of bed. I’m done with people.”

Would you make these statements to a loved one? No, we would not be so critical of a friend, yet we bombard our minds with these conversations. In turn, these words strengthen our insecurity and compound our fears, depression, and anxiety.

The first step in changing your narrative is to catch your thoughts and hold them up to the light. Do they tell the truth? Probably not.

Reframe your insecurities.

Your words may not speak the truth, but they speak a version of the truth you have believed for a long time. These long-held beliefs are difficult to change initially. It will take you identifying the thought and countering it with a helpful positive thought.

For example, perhaps after joining an organization to lose weight, get healthier, and make exercise a habit, you wonder whether you should stick with the program and join the meetings. “Look at me. I’m fifty pounds overweight. All those people will look at me, knowing I can’t stick to this program. I never stick to any program. I’m destined to live my life like this.”

Did you notice the all-or-nothing mentality, the assuming what everyone else is thinking, and judgment on yourself? In just a few short sentences, not going to a meeting became a twenty-second scolding. Now, take a step back and objectively view your statements. What is true about them?

You might be fifty pounds overweight, but you took the first step by joining a support group focusing on health. Why would anyone judge you? If they are members of the same group, they are here for the same reason. More than likely, others were once in your shoes.

What makes you think you cannot stick to this program? You haven’t even attended the first meeting. Remind yourself of everything that you have stuck to in the past. You are ready to make a lifelong change.

Reframing your insecurities takes practice. Don’t be afraid to journal your thoughts and how you will change your perspective, so you are prepared when the thoughts come.

Be your own cheerleader.

Once you learn how to counter negative self-talk, you can start cheering for yourself. It may sound silly initially, but giving yourself pep talks can help boost your mood and confidence.

You stand back and say, “I am ready to take this step. I am confident and powerful. I’m so proud of myself for signing up and attending the first meeting. Sure, it was scary to introduce myself, but I’m glad I did it. I met some great people today and created an exercise regimen for this week. I now have accountability. I’m so much stronger than I think.”

How would that pep talk make you feel? It brings clarity to the situation and dispels any fear your insecurities tried to lead with earlier. Practice cheering for yourself like you would a friend.

Do you need a counselor?

Overcoming women’s insecurities and negative self-talk is a process. You cannot expect overnight success, especially if you have had a lifetime of demeaning thoughts. But why allow them to continue?

Time will continue to pass, and the longer you listen to these thoughts, the worse you will feel. You are such a beautiful woman created by God that it is time that you stop being your biggest enemy.

Reach out to Texas Christian Counseling today to schedule a conversation about how therapy can help you catch negative self-talk and counter those thoughts with positive statements. You can overcome women’s insecurities. Don’t be afraid to contact a counselor today.