6 Tips for Overcoming Social Anxiety

Social anxiety, also known as social phobia, is not merely shyness. Shyness can be a problem for many but tends not to be crippling or chronic. Social anxiety is an overwhelming fear of social interactions and meeting new people, which may cause us to become dizzy, nauseous, tongue-tied, and sweaty.

When someone suffers from social anxiety, they often believe that others are scrutinizing and judging or are severely displeased with them. Even though the person may understand these fears to be irrational, social anxiety is not something they can simply get over.

The Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA) estimates that 15 million adults have social anxiety. During the COVID-19 pandemic, where people were often forced to remain isolated indoors for months on end, people with social anxiety might have felt some respite. However, the months of solitude might lead to renewed anxiety about venturing into the world again.

It may feel like there is safety in online meetings and written correspondence for people with social phobia. But there are also things we may do so that we can begin to cope with our social anxiety.

Symptoms of social anxiety

Social phobia most commonly develops in our teen years, when it is often difficult to distinguish a phobia from other common teenage problems, like low self-esteem, depression, or anxiety. We might have been self-conscious about our looks, our status, or our inability to be captivating in conversation. We might have been told by concerned parents or friends to simply be bolder or to put ourselves out there.

Social anxiety sometimes lessens in intensity as we navigate our adult lives, but it more commonly persists in the same intensity as it did when we were younger. Social anxiety affects us physically and psychologically.

There are two main types of social anxiety: performance-related social phobia, like a fear of public speaking or being at the center of attention, and fear of gatherings, whether intimate or large. We might experience crippling anxiety in the run-up to such an event, during the event itself, and even for hours or days after the event.

Besides nausea, sweats, dizziness, and becoming tongue-tied, social anxiety may cause us to hold ourselves rigidly and tensely, or to freeze up completely. We are likely to have a rapid heart rate, and it is common for our minds to go blank in a conversation, or in the middle of whatever activity we were meant to perform. This makes the issue so much worse, as we feel seen and exposed by the physical reactions of the fear we feel.

Psychologically, we may become withdrawn and avoidant as we try to steer away from events that trigger social anxiety. Many people who deal with social phobia tend to develop low self-esteem and an intense level of self-awareness, both of which have a broad and negative effect on our lives. The ripple effects of social anxiety might reach our careers, relationships, friendships, and families, affecting them in negative ways.

7 tips for overcoming social anxiety

Some of the most common scenarios to trigger social anxiety are attending class or work meetings, having to speak up in class or meetings, leading meetings, going to parties, going on dates, having to order food or speak to servers in a restaurant, and eating in a public setting. Each of these instances requires us to engage with people when we might feel ill-equipped to do so.

Something as commonplace as having to order a sandwich, for example, might have incredibly adverse effects on our nervous systems. This reaction, combined with the awareness that virtually no one else seems to be flustered in such situations, can leave us feeling inadequate, over-reactional, and foolish.

1. Identify what triggers you.

The first step in overcoming social anxiety is to understand your triggers. Social anxiety is different for every individual, and the places that others struggle with might not be an issue for you.

You might begin by asking: does the anxiety you feel have anything to do with performance? You might be triggered in situations where you are required to perform publicly, deliver information, or make requests. This would be performance anxiety, one of the two broad categories of social anxiety.

The second of the two social anxiety types is a fear of public gatherings. If you become self-conscious when in public, with the feeling that people are watching and judging you, then you are triggered in public scenarios. A person may have one or both types of social anxiety, but figuring out broadly where and when you are triggered is a good place to begin.

2. Expose yourself to anxious situations.

Whilst it is an instinctive reaction to avoid situations that trigger anxiety, it may be worthwhile to gradually expose yourself to more of them. The key is to not do it alone, to begin with, and to go slowly.

If you are averse to big parties, you could begin by going out one-on-one with a friend. Then go with the same friend (or someone else you trust) to a livelier event. The more we expose ourselves to triggering situations, and come away from them with positive experiences, the more we train our brains to not fear these situations.

3. Role play.

This is a fantastic way to practice a scenario and prepare to face an event or a situation. This might be a scenario where you order food, have small talk with a stranger at a party, deliver instructions to a work team, or any other event that you would feel more confident about if you practiced it first.

Doing a role play with a friend or counselor will build your confidence and help you develop spontaneous reactions so you can respond to the various situations you find yourself in. While you can’t script every response, practice helps.

4. Workout the nervous energy.

In the days leading up to facing a social situation, you might find yourself filled with nervous energy or adrenaline. This is your body readying you for a fight-or-flight response, and as frustrating and negative as this experience can be, it can also be useful.

If you have the time, you might want to do some cardio, go for a run or brisk walk, or even a swim. At the gym, you could channel your nerves into a session on the treadmill, rowing machine, or stationary bicycle. By using this adrenaline, you convert the nerves into something positive and healthy instead, and you are likely to feel more relaxed afterward.

5. Consider your physical health.

On the subject of exercise, it is a good idea to focus on your health and fitness as you begin getting to grips with social anxiety. Reducing caffeine intake and opting for natural teas, like chamomile or peppermint, can greatly reduce your anxiety.

Also, being strict with your alcohol intake will ensure that you are not using alcohol as a crutch in anxious situations. Maintaining a good diet and an exercise regime does wonders for mental health as well.

6. Speak kindly to yourself.

Social anxiety may feel like an impairment, but it is not a character flaw or a failure on our part. Despite this, many of us have a negative self-image and may even speak quite harshly with ourselves in frustration regarding social anxiety. This is something that bars our progress in overcoming social anxiety.

It may be worthwhile to keep a journal or simply a mental note of how we speak to ourselves in times of stress. Identify any negative self-speak and pledge to desist from such talk in the future. Instead, pick one or two sentences that you can say to yourself as a form of kindness and encouragement.

Summary

Social anxiety is a phobia that affects millions of people. It can be debilitating, and can greatly limit us in many areas of our lives. Medication may be able to treat the anxiety that comes with this phobia, but there is no cure for social anxiety. However, if we are intentional and willing to challenge ourselves, we are certainly able to improve and even overcome our social anxiety.

We may need to place ourselves in situations that trigger anxiety for us, practice being patient and kind to ourselves, and rely on the help of friends or a counselor to make progress. Monitoring our physical health and fitness can be a practical way of helping ourselves in this area.

It may take weeks, months, or even years to see changes, and there is likely to be failure along the way. This is all part of the process and we must remain patient, intentional, and gracious with ourselves if we want to see real, lasting improvement.

Getting long-term help

We recommend working with a counselor at Texas Christian Counseling to get the best long-term help for social anxiety. It can be difficult to find a Christian counselor in Texas, but Texas Christian Counseling can help. When you contact us at Texas Christian Counseling, we will help you find a good fit. We hope that you find the help you need to become well in all senses of the word. Contact us at your convenience to begin the journey to wellness.