Coping with Hopelessness in the Midst of Financial Stress

If you have ever had to work your way out of debt, especially if it is a large amount that takes time, you have probably felt a little hopeless at some point. It can be an overwhelming feeling when the credit score just sits and sits in the same spot or even worse, takes a dip because we’re focusing on paying off other bills or we have an emergency come up.

What can you do to work your way through not only the financial stress but the mental stress? As a therapist and life coach, I have found that most people tend to be quite emotional about money, especially when advised on how to spend it, even when they ask for help.

Ask for help to overcome financial stress

The first step to getting all the emotions surrounding your finances under control is asking for help. Help comes in many different forms in this area, a life coach, a financial coach, a certified financial planner, an accountant, someone who understands numbers and how to work with them.

This may even include taking Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University through your local church or purchasing the at-home guide to use by yourself if you’re single or with your spouse if you’re married. Having someone who is not emotionally attached to your money is vital to making better financial decisions. We all have some areas where we spend too much money or somewhere we could save money by changing where our hard-earned funds go.

Create a budget

The second step is sitting down and creating a budget. I hear so many couples say “It’s my money, I don’t need his/her permission to spend it!” One of my favorite quotes is “A budget is not a permission slip; it is a communication tool.” A recent study showed that out of every ten divorces, four are because of money. That’s an astonishing number of marriages that end over an inanimate thing!

So how can we work to keep marriages healthy? A budget. Communicate through something logical. Rent is $1,500, Power is $300, Gas for the cars is $400, etc. These are logical and repeat every month at approximately the same cost. They are something we can plan on.

We can set aside these funds so there is no “Sorry hon, forgot to pay the power bill this month.” when the lights turn off in the middle of a hot summer day. A budget also gives you a structure to what I call your financial house.

Set up your financial house

A financial house is a way to build a budget and prioritize what is important to you and your family. What’s the most important thing in your budget? Tithe, or offering, then your physical dwelling. Having a home means having a roof over your head, and a safe place to sleep, making that number one on the list after God.

Rent or mortgage payments secure the roof over our heads. The second most important thing in our financial house is the electricity to make things work. The refrigerator needs power to keep food cold; the electricity has to be on so we can enjoy the television, etc.

Next are other miscellaneous items necessities for living: the water company, groceries, HOA dues if applicable (Did you know in some states HOA fees can be attached to your home and they can take your home for unpaid fees?), trash collection, and all the other small items that are necessary to run a good clean home.

In this budget, you may also have money set aside for things such as a financial coach, You didn’t get in this situation because you have it figured out, so having someone objective and not emotionally attached to your spending can be a great help. They will also hold you accountable and help you track and reign in your spending.

Having a licensed therapist and life coach is a great bargain. We focus on life coaching but if the need arises, we can talk you through some difficult financial decisions with tools and training in mental health.

Being realistic is an important factor in your budget. If you have a $700 car payment but only make $3000 a month, you may need to rethink those fancy wheels. But also be realistic about things that matter. Sometimes when we are trying to get out of financial debt, the stress and hopelessness can be so much that we try to cut out everything that’s not absolutely necessary, but that is not realistic, or logical.

We sometimes need clothes, children need new shoes as they grow, and we need to buy lunch out every once in a while. Yes, we can reign in the spending in these areas but to say we’re going to go nine months without buying new clothes isn’t realistic. It is doable, and some people have done it, but you end up with holes in shirts and shoes before too long and you feel like you’re wearing old worn-out clothes, which can affect your mental health.

Paying off the debt relieves financial stress

Now that you have your budget set, it’s time to start paying off that debt that has been weighing you down emotionally and financially. This area is sometimes the most difficult because now that you have a budget you’re going to use a financial sheet to see all of your debt. That can be overwhelming. It can make us feel smothered, suffocated, and completely hopeless. This is the point where some people say “I’ll never pay all of this off.”

However, I want to encourage you. Thousands of people have paid off massive amounts of debt using debt repayment strategies like Dave Ramsey’s. There are lots of strategies out there, but I like his the best.

This is where you have to remind yourself that you didn’t get into this debt overnight (usually) and that you will not climb out of the well overnight. Feeling down, hopeless, frustrated, and angry at yourself, is all a natural with financial stress, but don’t let it stop you from keeping your eye on the goal.

Humans are frequently reward-driven. Make a reward for every time you pay off a specific amount of debt. A steak dinner, a gelato at that new Italian place downtown, something that you will enjoy celebrating. Know that paying down massive amounts of debt is best done with a financial coach or life coach in your corner.

Few things make people as a couple as emotional as financial stress, and yes, it can be daunting to crawl your way out of it, but it can be done with the proper support. You also have to learn how to suspend your emotional attachment to your money and your spending style.

When a coach or advisor offers advice, understand they are doing it to help you live the best financial life possible so that you will not have financial stress in the future, or so at least that financial stress will be much lower.

If you are looking for someone who can help with your financial recovery journey please reach out to me, I will be glad to help you and show support along the way. There is no need to go through the stress of realigning your budget alone or to allow financial stress to come between you and your partner or spouse.

If you are single, it’s even more important that you receive support as you navigate through changing your thinking and your spending style when it comes to money.

Goals can seem so far away when we don’t have someone in our corner pointing out our progress and success, choose a teammate on your journey!