Effective Ways of Dealing with Loneliness

Our nature as beings made in God’s image means that we have within us a deep desire and need to be connected to others, as modeled in the relationship nature of the Holy Trinity. We yearn for relationships and a sense of connectedness to God and others, but we don’t always feel this when we need it.

The American professor, advocate for world peace, political journalist, and author Norman Cousins is quoted as saying, “The eternal quest of the individual human being is to shatter his loneliness.”

Loneliness is a problem that affects people from all walks of life, though some are more prone to it than others. In 2023, the US Attorney General went as far as calling loneliness a public health epidemic, and it’s not hard to understand why, as more research shows its connection to mental health issues.

Where God created us to be seen, known, and understood, loneliness is the exact opposite. Loneliness is that sense of emotional isolation and disconnection; it’s painful and unpleasant, and there are healthy as well as unhealthy ways to try and address it.

The Problem with Loneliness

We all feel lonely at points in our lives. Perhaps you’ve felt it on that first day at school, or other subsequent first days as the years rolled by. Loneliness can set in when a person lacks social connections or relationships. The strange thing about loneliness is that it can set in even when one has those connections or relationships, giving rise to the sentiment of feeling all alone in a crowded room.

Loneliness is complex, but at the root, it’s about feeling emotionally disconnected from other people. That’s why it can set in whether you have social connections or not. You can be in relationship with other people, but if you feel unheard, misunderstood, or unsupported, that can also lead to loneliness.

A common example of this is being in relationship with others who don’t share the same morals, values, or faith. The difference between being lonely and having solitude is that solitude is chosen, but loneliness is imposed upon you.

People can feel forcibly isolated by a variety of circumstances, and that includes when you experience life changes such as losing your community because you’ve moved, lost your job, lost a loved one, or gone through a divorce.

When your health suffers, it can induce a sense of isolation from other people who are experiencing good health and enjoying their lives. Others struggle with loneliness because of issues like low self-esteem or deep shyness.

Being deeply relational creatures, experiencing loneliness is a problem because it can have significant effects on a person’s mental and physical health. It results in increased stress and feelings of anxiety, a weakened immune system, poor sleep, decreased cognitive function, and a higher risk of depression and suicide. In other words, the problem with loneliness is that it’s not good for anyone’s well-being.

Effective Ways of Dealing with Loneliness

Mother Teresa once said, “The most terrible poverty is loneliness and the feeling of being unloved.” How can one overcome this terrible poverty? Some effective strategies that you can implement to overcome loneliness include the following:

Recognize that you’re never truly alone One of the most encouraging Scriptures comes from Psalms 139, which says,

Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there – Psalm 139:7-8, NIV

This is a reminder that the Lord is never far from us, and we can just reach out and connect with Him through prayer or reading Scripture. Furthermore, building a solid relationship with our Creator is foundational in that in Him we can heal from past relational hurts and develop a secure attachment, which results in the ability to better love others.

What better way to learn how to establish healthy relationships and connections than by first understanding the love Jesus has for His people.

Identify and challenge negative thoughts Loneliness is sometimes rooted in one’s state of mind. It’s important to recognize and challenge unhealthy mental habits such as negative self-talk, perfectionism, and catastrophic thinking. Instead, replace these thoughts with realistic, truth statements rooted in the reality of who you are before the Lord found in Scripture. Any thoughts not backed by Scripture are likely to be attacks from the enemy.

COMMON NEGATIVE THOUGHTS	TRUTH STATEMENTS
“I’m unlovable”	“I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.” — Jeremiah 31:3
“No one understands me”	“You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.” — Psalm 139:1-2
“I am worthless”	“You are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.” — 1 Peter 2:9
“I am fundamentally flawed and unredeemable”	“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” — 2 Corinthians 5:17

Nurture social connections There are various ways to build social connections that are meaningful to you. Whether you attend community events, join a class or group or club, participate in a volunteer organization, or make it a point to reach out consistently to loved ones, you can find ways to connect to others in a way that makes a difference in your life.

You can also use the technology available to you, such as messaging apps, video calling platforms, and social media, to maintain a connection with loved ones. Online communities can also be places of connection.

“How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!” – Psalm 133:1

Cultivate your emotional intelligence Emotional intelligence (EQ) is the ability to recognize and understand your own and the emotions of others. Additionally, an emotionally intelligent person knows how to manage their own emotions. Nurturing your EQ by practicing empathy and listening actively to others can help you effectively communicate your needs to others and form healthy relationships.

“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”   – Galatians 6:2

Practice self-care When you feel lonely, there are healthy and unhealthy ways to address this. Self-medicating, using food for comfort, or substance abuse have short-term gains and long-term disadvantages.

Instead of defaulting to these, you can try to engage in activities that get you moving and bring joy and relaxation to your body and mind. Some people read, others exercise, or engage in cherished hobbies. In Scripture, Jesus retreats to be alone with His Father multiple times, modeling the source of strength and replenishment He received through prayer.

An important part of self-care is taking care of your physical well-being. This could mean prioritizing getting good quality sleep, eating a healthy and balanced diet, and making sure to get regular exercise.

These things can make a quantifiable difference in your sense of well-being. Additionally, treating yourself with kindness, compassion, and patience also feeds into that sense of well-being.

“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.” – 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Gratitude There’s a lot that can be said about the benefits of practicing gratitude. When you focus on what you have, the blessings you’ve been given, instead of what you lack, that mind shift can uplift your outlook and sense of well-being. Reflecting on positive life experiences, your relationships, and other things in your life that you’re grateful for can help you feel a deeper sense of contentment here and now.

The book of Philippians gives a great example of the apostle Paul expressing gratitude while in prison. Though in dire circumstances, his gratitude likely was connected to his sense of hope.

“I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” –  Philippians 4:11-13

Having a sense of purpose There’s something to be said about being occupied by a sense of purpose. Sometimes, we feel lonely because we struggle to find ways to make sense of the bewilderingly disparate parts of our lives. Without a grand sense of purpose or adventure, life can become a trudge from one task, one meeting, one event, one date, to the next.

When you engage in activities that provide you with a sense of purpose, meaning, and fulfilment, it can help you feel a deeper sense of connection with yourself and the world around you. You can set realistic goals, break these down to make them easier to get done, and take the time to celebrate your wins and milestones. Seek the Lord for wisdom to understand your why.

Scripture verses on purpose found in God

“You were created to declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His wonderful light.”– 1 Peter 2:9

“Let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.”– Matthew 5:16

“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”– Ephesians 2:10

“This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.”– John 15:8

“The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it.”– Genesis 2:15

“Serve one another humbly in love.”– Galatians 5:13b

Seek professional help There are many different reasons for loneliness. Sometimes, the experience of loneliness lets you know t-hat something is missing in your life, or that your priorities and actions are out of alignment with your deepest values. Instead of rushing past this toward distractions or easy solutions, it can be helpful to try and reflect and process what your experience of loneliness means.

You can reach out and talk to a professional counselor who can help you unpack your experience of loneliness. They can help you address any underlying issues that are leading to loneliness in your life, develop effective coping strategies, and improve your relationships and sense of connectedness to others.

Loneliness is an experience that most of us have had at one point or another. And like all other emotions, loneliness is also temporary. However, if you are finding that these feelings are persistent and starting to interfere with your daily life, seek professional help. Feelings of loneliness can be overcome and lead you to cultivating a more fulfilling life.

Seek connection Loneliness is a common problem, one that has persisted even though we have the means at our disposal to connect instantaneously and across vast distances. Finding connection with other people is a fundamental human need, and when we’re deprived of it, it affects our well-being.

If you’re experiencing loneliness, there are effective strategies you can deploy to alleviate it, and you can turn to a counselor to help you understand and overcome it. Contact us today to learn more and to schedule your first appointment.