Experiencing Emotional Trauma Caused By Narcissistic Abuse

Have you concluded that you are in an abusive relationship? Below are the criteria for narcissistic personality disorder in the DSM 5. This is the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (5th edition) that psychiatrists and therapists use to diagnose mental illness.

Traits of Narcissism

Look at the criteria below and see if you are currently with someone who has these traits.

• Grandiose sense of self-importance. Exaggerates achievements and talents; expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate accomplishments.
• Preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love.
• Belief that they are “special” and unique. Can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people or institutions.
• Requires excessive admiration.
• Sense of entitlement. Unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with their expectations.
• Interpersonally exploitative behavior. Takes advantage of others to achieve their own ends.
• Lack of empathy. Is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others.
• Often envious of others or believes others are envious of them.
• Shows arrogance, haughty behaviors, or attitudes

Tactics of Narcissistic Abuse

If the person you’re in a relationship with has these traits, they could be narcissistic. Narcissists can cause intense trauma to the individuals they target. Some of the tactics they use are:

Triangulation This is when they bring a third party into the conversation and use the third person to also gang up on you and make you question your own reality. They do this to assert themselves and stay in control. This is a manipulative tactic.

Gaslighting This is when they tell you that you did not remember things correctly, you are imagining things, you are too sensitive, or make you feel like you are crazy

Projection This is when they said you did the thing that, in reality, they did. For example, they might call you the abusive one in the relationship when in reality they are the one abusing YOU.

Smear Campaigns This is when the narcissistic individual calls anyone and everyone they know to spread lies about you to trash your name. When you try to get help from a friend or family member, the narcissistic person has already made you look bad, so it is hard to find emotional support.

Passive Aggressiveness This is when the narcissist says something to you that comes out sideways or has a critical component to it. They may disguise it as “just a joke,” but nonetheless, it is still triggering and hurtful.

Lying This is self-explanatory, but the narcissist will flat out lie to you to cover up their bad behavior and to confuse you.

Cheating If the person you’re in a relationship with sneaks around, having relations with another person, this is abuse. Most of the time, victims will have the feeling that another person is involved, but may not have proof, so they are scared to confront the narcissistic person. Even if they do confront the narcissist and ask them if they are cheating, they often deny, deny, deny.

Stalking If your partner is following you to work or around town, putting a camera or a tracker in your car, they are stalking you. They could also hire another person to follow you and track you to be more secretive. This is extremely predatory and abusive.

Guilt Tripping Narcissists do this to you when you do not behave exactly the way they want you to. They use guilt as a manipulative tactic to get you to serve them and do whatever they want. For example, if you did not meet up with them when they asked you to, they may guilt you and completely ignore your needs, as well as the fact that you may have had something else going on and could not make it.

If you are a victim of this type of abuse, just know that while it can be difficult to get out, it is possible with God, proper help, and determination.

Trauma and Narcissistic Abuse

The reason you may be stuck is that you are in a trauma bond and a cycle of abuse. A trauma bond can form because the relationship can start to become addictive. When you fight with them, certain chemicals get released in your body, such as adrenaline and cortisol. While fighting is not healthy, your nervous system gets used to the release of these chemicals and the chaos that comes with it.

When you make up from the fight and get back together, or the narcissist love-bombs you to get you back in their good graces, dopamine gets released in your brain, which can be addicting as well. This process of fighting and making up creates a trauma bond and becomes a tough cycle to break.

Therapy can be helpful in this situation because you will learn to set boundaries with your abuser. Even if the narcissist does not respect your boundaries, it is still important to learn how to set them for your own self-respect and to gain independence from the relationship. In therapy, you will also have someone hold you accountable to take steps to break the trauma bond, heal, and move on with your life.

Healing From the Emotional Trauma

Some other tools to heal from narcissistic emotional trauma are praying, meditating, reading the Bible, confiding in a friend who validates you, and joining a support group.

When you do confide in someone about everything you have been going through, be sure it is someone safe. This person should be someone who will not go behind your back and gossip about you or tell the narcissistic person what you are saying.

Unfortunately, this happens a lot – someone will confide in a friend they thought they could trust, only to find out this person is actually allied with the narcissist. This can be devastating and cause additional emotional harm and trauma.

Prayer and meditation will help strengthen your relationship with God and strengthen your intuition. Remaining sensitive to the Holy Spirit and obeying God’s revealed will can only help you in the end. Taking steps toward freedom isn’t always easy, but definitely worth it.

Reading your Bible is a way to directly listen to what the Lord is saying to you. He will speak to you through His word, empowering you and encouraging you as well. You’d be surprised how much healing you will get through simply reading God’s word. Even just fifteen minutes a day of reading and studying scripture will make a huge difference.

The path to healing after narcissistic abuse is like walking through the valley of the shadow of death. There has been research published on the similarities between cult leaders and narcissists. They both trap their victims, distort their reality, and do everything they can in their power to keep them trapped. But God is powerful and can break these chains of abuse, help you move forward, and give you a beautiful life.

Next Steps

Once you are free, you will be able to recognize the red flags right away if you encounter another narcissistic individual. You will know to set boundaries immediately, and not to fall for their charming and manipulative tactics. You will also be able to warn others of this narcissistic individual.

These personality types are everywhere. On dating apps, in grocery stores, sandwich shops, corporate offices, and more. Although going through this experience was gut-wrenching and devastating. Once you heal and move on, you will be much stronger. Healing from narcissistic abuse is possible, and you can do it.

Feel free to reach out if you need help getting out of an abusive, narcissistic relationship.