Habits That Make Loneliness and Depression Worse

It’s perfectly normal to sometimes feel alone, vulnerable, and in need of connection, support, and validation. Many people go through seasons of feeling this way until their situation changes, and they find the help they need. However, others seem to live their lives in a constant state of loneliness and depression, forever frustrated that they can’t seem to connect with anybody, and clueless as to how to change.

Loneliness is not about being alone as much as it’s about feeling unseen and as if you don’t matter. This might have started in childhood, when your needs and wants were dismissed or overlooked by someone who should have been nurturing and loving you. It might be the result of recent trauma that has left you feeling as if you no longer know how to participate in society.

Regardless of the root cause, you have likely picked up habits over the years that have contributed to your feelings of loneliness and depression. You are not forever stuck in this situation, but there is work to do if you are going to get out of it.

When Loneliness and Depression Leave You Feeling Invisible

If you are dealing with loneliness and depression, you might feel as if you are a ghost. It is as if people see through you and as if you make no real impression on anyone around you. This is an awful feeling that you can never get used to, no matter how many years you have experienced it, and you should never have to. People are made for connection, friendships, relationships, and interdependence.

Life is supposed to be complicated and sometimes messy, busy, challenging, and comforting. We are meant to have our hearts broken and then mended, to have love and to give it, to provide support to others, and to receive when we are broken. If you are missing out on these things, you are not to blame.

There could be any number of reasons as to why you are struggling. However, nothing changes until you make it change. It always pays to examine your life and consider what you can do differently.

Habits That Make Loneliness and Depression Worse

People who deal with loneliness and depression are usually stuck in freeze mode. You might have tried to fix your situation, to make friends, and to build relationships, only to fail and feel worse about yourself. Now you are stuck coping with your feelings and doing everything you can to numb your emotions.

So many common, seemingly harmless habits make loneliness and depression harder to deal with. Things like doomscrolling endlessly on your devices, binge-watching shows late into the night and on weekends, and overworking are all valid ways to unwind. However, at some point, these habits are simply keeping you from making changes in your life and are not helping with your underlying issues.

You might be able to stave off feelings of hopelessness and loneliness for the night, but ultimately, you will have to make some changes if you are going to have a breakthrough. Consider the following habits that you might be engaging in, and how you can begin to make changes.

Repressing Your True Feelings

At the root of loneliness and depression for many people is the feeling that no one truly cares. There is a cycle to loneliness and depression that looks a little something like this: you feel as if no one sees you or cares about you, so you isolate and withdraw from all social interactions. Since you have withdrawn from people, they don’t see you, and it logically follows that you feel unseen.

When you are in a social situation, even in a workspace, you remain closed off and silent. The people around you either assume that you are uninterested in connection, even polite interest, or that you are quiet because you are content.

Lonely people dealing with depression don’t often appear to be lonely or depressed. They paste smiles on their faces, pretend to be confident, and convince themselves that they are fine. This is a form of emotional dishonesty, and it is the exact opposite of intimacy and connection.

It’s risky to let people into your life and to share your struggles. There are instances and occasions where it would be inappropriate to wear your heart on your sleeve, such as in a professional environment. It isn’t helpful to withdraw all the time. You will never connect with someone meaningfully until you can be vulnerable and honest about your emotions and battles.

Downplaying Your Needs

Have you ever found yourself agreeing to do something you would rather not do, only to feel resentful and bitter about it afterward? Perhaps you feel as if you can’t let others down, despite constantly being let down and disappointed yourself. People who deal with loneliness and depression will often downplay their preferences, needs, and wants.

When you have a decade or more of unmet needs, you will naturally feel as if you are not worth anyone’s time or effort, or as if your needs and preferences matter less than others. In the end, you will feel less worthy of love and attention, and isolated with a host of genuine needs that have gone unmet.

It takes time and practice to find your voice and speak up for yourself, but you can start by asking yourself what you need, what you want, and what you prefer. This can apply to any situation.

For example, you might like to have a quiet morning at work with minimal small talk. You have every right to inform your colleagues that you are focusing on your tasks, but that you would love to hear their stories later during your lunch break. Each time you value your needs, preferences, and wants, you are giving something deeply important to yourself, kind of like watering a dry and thirsty plant.

Bristling

Although you don’t want to face most of your feelings, there is one feeling that will constantly surface, and that is anger. Anger is not always a bad emotion to feel; in fact, most people feel angry when they experience something unfair or unjust. When you are overlooked, unseen, and unheard by those around you, it is understandable and even logical to be angry.

While you may not express your emotions, others often feel your anger in interactions with you. You may appear irritable, short-tempered, sharp, or cold. It is not your intention to communicate these things, but many people will keep their distance from you because of your bristling demeanor.

Most people who deal with loneliness and depression have been policing their tone and adjusting their body language for a long time. It is exhausting and ineffective as far as making connections goes.

The only way to become emotionally honest with yourself and others is to face your emotional needs. The problem is not the anger you feel or the prickly way you communicate with those around you. That is a symptom of deeper emotional needs that have gone unmet for too long.

A Better Solution for Loneliness and Depression

The reason these habits don’t help in the long run is that they are not about changing your situation; they are about coping with your feelings. In the end, your feelings are numbed and suppressed, and you are stuck in the same situation that caused your loneliness and depression in the first place.

Loneliness and depression are soul-crushing things to deal with. However, you are not a victim, and you don’t have to remain in your current situation. Regardless of how things feel now, there is a brighter future ahead of you if you will only begin to help yourself.

One of the best things you can do if you are dealing with loneliness and depression is to get counseling. It would be my honor and deepest goal to provide a safe space for you to express yourself and journey with you for as long as you need support. Please consult with my reception team if you would like to investigate further.

I’m cheering you on!