Healthy Relationships Begin with God

According to the Cambridge English Dictionary, a relationship is defined as the way two or more people are connected or the way they behave toward one another. Stephen R. Covey states that “our greatest joy and our greatest pain comes in our relationships with others.” This is especially true of healthy relationships.

To limit our discomfort of challenging or difficult situations we will distance or isolate ourselves to avoid the pain but in doing so we rob ourselves and others of obedience to God’s intention for each of us to be in relationship.

Relationships are mentioned in the Bible approximately 5,734 times. Examples include Adam and Eve, Abraham and God, and Jesus and the Disciples. From eternity past, the one God has always been characterized by the inter-Trinitarian relationship between the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

This relationship is demonstrated in Gen 1:26, which says, “Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, according to our likeness” (emphasis added, HCSB). The “us” and “our” refer to the Trinity – the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit – existing in perfect harmony.

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. – Genesis 1:27, ESV

As we reflect the image of God, He designed us for relationship as He is in relationship.

Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. – Ephesians 1:4, NLT

We are chosen, and selected by Him with a yearning to be in a relationship with Him. God has established the relationship plumbline we are to follow. Healthy relationships begin with Him, so we should seek Him first.

Why seek God?

A relationship with God is foundational for all other relationships, as He will lead and guide us, showing us how to build and maintain healthy relationships by molding us into his likeness.

Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. – Romans 12:2, NLT

Having a head knowledge of God is insufficient. It takes a work of the heart. We need willingness and openness to recognize God’s presence in our lives and then listen, learn, and be obedient to His ways.

For this is how God loved the world: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. – John 3:16, NLT

God sacrificed His Son so that we could know him, but having a relationship with God requires that we admit our need for Him, that we are sinners in need of a Father who offers grace and mercy. He is known as “Abba Father,” as seen in Rom 3:15, Mark 14:36, and Gal 4:6, emphasizing His Fatherhood, an intimate relationship, the most important of all relationships. In our innermost being, we must want to be known by Him.

Pursuing Us, Pursuing Him

Why would this omniscient (all-knowing), omnipotent (all-powerful), and omnipresent (present everywhere) creator God pursue us? The answer is threefold: He wants His creation to be redeemed, desires a relationship with those He created, and shows us His love, regardless of our sins or brokenness.

He pursues us. In Luke 15, the parable of the lost sheep, Jesus tells of the one sheep that strays and that the shepherd leaves the ninety-nine to search for the one, then rejoicing when it is found. This parable shows that each lamb is treasured in God’s eyes, and we are considered His sheep, and He is our shepherd.

Psalm 139 powerfully describes how He knows us intimately from before we were born and is always with us, even in the darkness and through our wonderings. When we know someone intimately, we feel connected to that person because we have a deeper understanding of their thoughts and desires, joys and sorrows, successes and failures. By pursuing us, God is providing an example of what He wants from us – to pursue Him.

Many things vie for our attention – family, church, work, hobbies, social media – it goes on and on. If we don’t put the effort into our jobs, we will not have it long. How many friendships have you had that have faded away due to a lack of connection? While God will not leave us, we can distance ourselves from Him by not pursuing Him. He waits patiently, longingly for us. Jerimiah 29:13 states, “If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.” (NLT)

Nurture your relationship with God by intentionally growing and learning more about Him. Pursue God through your worship (for His glory), which includes prayer, acknowledging Him, obedience to God through His Word, community (loving others and serving), and living out your faith (inwardly and outwardly).

Prayer

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. – 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

He instructs us to pray to Him with a glad heart, not once but on a regular, ongoing basis and with thanksgiving for all He has done and will do in your life. The Lord’s Prayer (Matthew 6:9-13) provides a classic framework for prayer, encompassing reverence (admiration), supplication (appeal to), and forgiveness.

Pray then like this: “Our Father in Heaven, hallowed be your name.

Glorifying God

Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven.

Desiring His will for your life

Give us this day our daily bread,

Asking God to provide for your spiritual needs

…and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.

Recognizing that you are forgiven; therefore, called to forgive

And lead us not into temptation,

Continuing in obedience so that He will deliver you from any situation that tempts you to sin

…but deliver us from evil.

Protecting us from the grasp of the enemy

The Lord’s Prayer is a prayer to reference when we do not know what to pray, or it can be used as a template for how to pray and what to include in our prayers. Prayer is an opportunity to go boldly before the Lord to petition for yourselves and others and go to him with thanksgiving and an open heart ready to receive Him.

Acknowledging Him

We often find ourselves caught up in the busyness of this world and overlook God’s movement and work in our lives. God communicates through the Holy Spirit, other people, His Word, and prayers. Often, we miss it.

I’m reminded of the story of the man stranded on his roof during a flood, waiting for God to rescue him. A neighbor in a rowboat comes by, then a man in a motorboat, and lastly, a helicopter each time he refuses saying “No, God is going to save me.” The man drowns and goes to Heaven, where he asks God, “Why did you not save me?”

God replies I sent a rowboat, a motorboat, and a helicopter. God was using other people to save him, but the guy missed the opportunity. How is God speaking to you? Where is He working in your life? Are you missing an opportunity to glorify God?

His Word

God also speaks to us through His Word. He wants us to have more than a head knowledge of the Bible. He wants us to have heart knowledge by understanding and applying His Word to our lives. This demonstrates obedience to Him.

Delving into God’s word may be approached in different ways, such as devotions, scripture reading, and Bible study- all are good if done with a willing and purposeful heart. But merely checking the box is not what God wants from us- we must go for understanding and desire to apply what we learn. Approaching His Word with an open mind and a softened heart, ready and willing to receive what He has for us. Seeing it as an opportunity for encouragement, guidance, and refinement.

Community

Serve Him by serving others

1 John 4:7 says to love one another because God loves us. The Bible shows time and again how Jesus served others by loving them. Love is our model. By loving others, we are loving God.

So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. – John 13:34, NLT

The Biblical foundation for relationships is love. We can love others when we acknowledge and accept God’s love for us. We cannot give away what we do not possess.

And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength. – Mark 12:30, NLT

The enemy of our souls will tell us we are not good enough. You are not good enough to be loved and forgiven by God, not good enough to be in a church. We live in a fallen, broken world, and sin is a constant temptation.

The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life. – John 10:10, NLT

God understands, and He does not expect perfection. What He does expect is for us to be in a relationship with Him and with others.

Being a part of a body of believers provides encouragement and strength for your walk with Jesus.

Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another. – Proverbs 27:17, HCSB

Living in relationship with those who are also pursuing a relationship with Jesus

We may do this by attending a church service, a home group, or Bible study. These are places where Christians gather to worship God through prayer, praising, and learning God’s Word. They allow spiritual growth in the community by fostering relationships and sharing life.

Live out your faith

Living out your faith is done inwardly and outwardly. Inwardly, we must check our hearts by examining our thoughts, actions, and attitudes. How am I living my life? Do I have any idols (social media, drugs/alcohol, porn, other people) that are disrupting my relationship with God? Am I relying on myself, or have I relinquished control to God? How am I showing gratefulness for what God has done for me?

Through thoughtful examination, we should measure the answers to these questions by God’s Word. We should remember each day that we need God’s grace and forgiveness as sinners in a fallen world. We need the Savior, Jesus, to align our hearts with His ways and will. When we do this internally, the results are then seen externally.

Outwardly, if we live in a relationship with God, it will be evident in our actions, how we live our lives, and how we treat others. When we know Him and make a heart connection, His love exudes from us, calling us to action to love others by being in a relationship.

“‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” – Matt 22:37-39, NLT

Next Steps

Getting your relationship established with God will help foster other relationships because healthy relationships begin with God. If you are struggling in your relationship with God, contact a pastor or a Christian counselor to help you navigate your faith journey. Look for my next article about a healthy relationship for marriage.