Living a Godly Life as a Single Mother

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Living a godly life as a single mother can be difficult. You may feel lonely, defeated, unsure of what to do or how to accomplish something. You can feel that things are unfair and become sad or angry. All of these are valid emotions that single mothers feel.

Single mothers experience a day-to-day life of having to be mother and father, the one who makes all of the decisions and who does all of the work. Decision fatigue can quickly take over – a phenomenon (though not a diagnosable medical condition) where the more decisions a person makes throughout the day, the more physically, mentally, and emotionally depleted they become.

This can lead to stress and an inability to think clearly. Add to this a child or children who need you to help them and it creates a mixed bag of emotional responses such as becoming irritated, run-down, tired, overwhelmed, guilt, a sense of worthlessness, etc.

God and the single mother

This is where God comes into the picture in more ways than one for single moms. God sees the struggles that single mothers have. He wants to be there for us, but our Father only comes in where He is invited, He does not impose Himself on us. Having a strong relationship and just as important, a life, that reflects living in God’s will as a single mother will bring Him closer to you. You cannot expect God to help out with the day-to-day things if you are living a life of sin.

What does that mean exactly? For example when you date, date with a pure intention. Date to find a godly man who will love and respect you and your children, do not date just because you are lonely. Look for men in places where a godly man would be in attendance. Have boundaries (read Boundaries by Drs. Henry Cloud & John Townsend).

Know who to have around your children. Always be aware of how they treat you and your children. Remember your first job as a mother is to protect your children and make their lives joyful. This cannot be done with a man who yells and screams at them, slams doors, or disrespects you.

Better to stay single than to be with someone who causes sadness or traumatizes you or your children. And never move a man into your home to whom you are not married.

Finances and the single mother

Secondly, make sure your finances are in order. One of the things I love doing is helping other single mothers review their finances and see where they can change. Single mothers of young children tend to treat themselves because no one else does usually, (unless you’re very fortunate) on days such as their birthdays, Mother’s days, Christmas, etc.

The desire to fit in or just to get ourselves a little something for those holidays can cause us to spend unnecessarily. Yes, a new purse is nice, but it does not have to be a designer name brand. If a stranger were to look at your finances, are they in order? Do they look like the finances of a godly woman?

That is one of the tools I use to help fellow single mothers. How much money do you spend on unnecessary things? Do you take lavish vacations while you or your child needs new clothes? Getting your finances in order in a way that pleases God opens the doors for blessings from Him. Your child does not need a pair of $100 tennis shoes unless they’re in athletics. Perhaps two pairs of $50 tennis shoes would be better so they can have a backup pair.

Health and the single mother

Mental health is another vital component of living the life of a godly single mother, make an appointment with me, find a free counseling service, or see if your church has a counseling program. Mental health is important in our lives, and it cannot be neglected. Spend time with God in prayer, in devotion, and seek counsel.

How is your physical health? Another important component for single moms is their health. You are the main caregiver of your children; you need to be healthy so you can be there for them. Taking care of your physical health is important.

Instead of allowing your child(ren) to be on their screens for hours a day and you sit and snack in front of the TV, get everyone out for a walk around the neighborhood. Join a low-cost gym if your child is old enough to work out with you (usually 12 and up), and start building healthy habits.

A lot of us have a few pounds to shed, so find some healthy meals you can cook together and accomplish three tasks at once: spending time together, showing your child how to cook/prepare a meal, and leading by example.

The value of a healthy social life

How is your social life? Is it just a couple of friends to whom you complain? Women of the Bible spent time together because they knew wise counsel was important. If your friends do not lift you up, do not challenge you to live a godly life, and do not speak the truth to you, then you need to add some new friends to your circle. Community and fellowship are important in the life of a single mom and the life of a Christian.

Read the book of Ruth again or for the first time if you haven’t yet, see the amazing friendship between Ruth and Naomi, “But Ruth said, “Do not urge me to leave you or to return from following you. For where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there will I be buried. May the Lord do so to me and more also if anything but death parts me from you.” (Ruth 1:16-18)

Find a friend that loves you as fiercely as that. A friend is not someone who joins us in our misery, they walk beside us, encouraging us to pick ourselves up, telling us the truth with love, and inspiring us to expect more and do more for ourselves.

It is a hard life as a single mom, but do not lose hope and do not allow others to pull you down. You must surround yourself with people, counselors, Bible study groups, friends, and family, who only want the best for you, people who want to encourage and inspire you and help you to be more amazing than yesterday.

You must know who to allow in your life as a single mom because every person you allow into your life will have an impact on your children’s lives as well. I recommend the books Boundaries by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend and also their book Safe People. In these two books, you will see a lot of what you have allowed in your past. It may be difficult but it will be worth it.

Having the structure of Boundaries and Safe People will allow you to pick the right people to have in your lives. Just because a friend introduces you to Tom who she thinks is amazing and wonderful, does not mean you have to allow him into your life.

God gifted women with the spirit of discernment and when we listen to it, it can be a powerful thing. Any man that comes into your life should be so wonderful and kind that you don’t mind making room for him in your happy, fulfilled, complete life with your children.

Draw close to the Lord and He will shelter you and your family.