Personal Development: Building Self-Esteem

🎧 Listen to this article

Self-esteem can seem like a superficial concept – applicable if you’re in a Disney movie, maybe, but why would you need to focus on it in your busy life? What difference does it make whether your self-esteem is particularly high or low?

Some people (or generations) innately see the value in a healthy level of self-esteem. Others may feel, especially in a Christian context, that is selfish or unhealthy to focus on self-esteem.

Let’s talk about the definition of self-esteem, how to see it from a biblical perspective, the benefits and extremes relating to it, and how to cultivate a healthy view of yourself as a believer in Christ.

What is self-esteem?

If self-esteem is a bit of a controversial topic, we should start by defining it.

Here’s a succinct definition from Verywell Mind: “Self-esteem is your subjective sense of your overall personal worth or value. Similar to self-respect, it describes your level of confidence in your abilities and attributes.”

In other words, self-esteem is not what others think about you, but it’s your perception of yourself. It’s how much you think you’re worth, for whatever reason that may be.

It’s also linked to how confident you feel about the positive aspects of your identity, personality, and what you’re good at doing (feeling competent).

An aspect of self-esteem we often overlook is having a sense of belonging. Belonging to a group, area, family, etc. provides a sense of identity and safety. In our Western individualist cultures, this sense of belonging can be difficult to find and maintain, but it is key to having healthy self-esteem, and as we will see, it’s part of the biblical perspective on this topic.

Self-esteem is not the same thing as self-centeredness, pride, arrogance, or selfishness. It simply refers to the level of value we place on ourselves.

Mental health

Why is this an important topic to cover? Because having low self-esteem isn’t a neutral mindset. Feeling that you are of low value can negatively impact your life and relationships. In teens, low self-esteem is correlated with lower grades, teen pregnancy, violence, and suicide (Positive Psychology). “Knowing your worth” isn’t just a catchphrase – it’s essential.

In people of all ages, we know that having low self-esteem is related to various mental health conditions, including anxiety, depression, eating disorders, panic disorder, substance use, social anxiety disorder, and more.

Verywell Mind says that “[P]eople with low self-esteem are more likely to be at risk for suicidal thinking.”

As Christians, we know that God created us for his glory. While mental health conditions are a result of living in a fallen world, we also know that pursuing healing is part of his grace to us. Part of healing from some of these conditions is acknowledging the role that low self-esteem can play in them.

Low self-esteem can make us vulnerable to being taken advantage of or abused by others. Not only can abuse cause low self-esteem, but abusers often prey on those with low self-esteem. Also, it is more common for someone with low self-esteem to believe that they’re not worthy of a healthy, loving relationship, or that they deserve to be treated badly.

People who experience abuse as children may have low self-esteem for decades into their adult lives because of it. Being mistreated as your brain is developing is incredibly harmful. Abuse in adulthood is also harmful and can deeply affect your sense of self-worth.

Whether you’ve experienced abuse, ongoing unkindness, or other types of treatment that have made you believe you’re not worth much, our counselors are here to remind you of your worth as a creation of God, no matter what you’ve been through.

It is possible to heal and recover from having low self-esteem. You don’t have to spend the rest of your life walking with your head down, feeling secretly inadequate, or as if other people are somehow superior to you. Living in the truth of how you are made and valued by God himself can set you free.

Self-esteem in the Bible

As we mentioned in the beginning, some Christians believe that self-esteem is an unbiblical concept. After all, we are called to be humble and deny ourselves, and our worth comes from God, not from ourselves.

An integrated view of Scripture and evidence-based psychological theories allows us to see the concept of self-esteem as a helpful tool, rather than an ironclad theological construct.

In other words:

God is the one who gives us our worth when he creates us. 

This God-given worth is not at odds with our humanity and individuality, but rather our individuality is part of our God-given worth. Self-esteem is just one way to refer to our inherent, God-given value as human beings.

Humility and a healthy self-perspective go together.

Humility and low self-esteem are not the same thing. Low self-esteem can lead to greater focus on oneself, rather than others.

Healthy self-esteem is linked with a healthy view of our relationship with God and others:

• We believe we are created by God and live to love and serve him.
• We know that we are loved by God.
• As Christians, we are a part of the body of Christ, both visible and invisible, both locally and around the world. We have a sense of purpose and belonging as members of that body.
• We are not left to live this life alone, and we can find comfort and peace in knowing that.

Here are a few more passages that can encourage you in your journey of self-respect and self-worth as a child of God:

Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give people in exchange for you, nations in exchange for your life. – Isaiah 43:4, NIV

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. – 1 Peter 3:3-4, NIV

For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. – Romans 12:3, NIV

I delight greatly in the Lord; my soul rejoices in my God. For he has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of his righteousness, as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels. – Isaiah 61:10, NIV

Categories of self-esteem

Let’s do a brief comparison of low, high, and healthy levels of self-esteem.

If you have low self-esteem, you may:

• Have difficulty expressing your needs to others.
• Lack a belief that you can achieve your goals.
• Feel unsure about whether you are competent enough.
• Feel deeply unlovable.
• Feel socially anxious.
• Doubt your decisions and perspectives.
• Feel inferior to others.
• Think that other people can make decisions than you.

If you have an inflated sense of self-esteem, you may:

• Have problems in relationships with others.
• Overestimate your abilities and competence levels.
• Not consider how to improve because you feel that there is no need for improvement.
• Feel a sense of entitlement to success and accolades, whether you truly deserve them.
• Have a sense of superiority over other people.
• Criticize others but not yourself.

If you have healthy levels of self-esteem, you may:

• Consistently work on developing meaningful relationships with others.
• Have a deep sense of your value and worth, and knowledge that you are loved.
• Do not believe that you are inherently superior to others; you can value them as well.
• Have a balanced, overall positive view of your abilities and areas where you have room for improvement.
• Accept that you have both strengths and weaknesses and so do other people.
• Maintain realistic expectations for yourself and others.

How to achieve a healthy self-esteem

Here are three steps you can take on your journey to a healthier sense of self-worth:

1. Focus on how God sees you.

Throughout Scripture, we see the story of a God who loves his children, even though they are sinful and flawed. He loves us so much that he sent His Son to die for us. He created us intricately and beautifully. He loves you, as an individual, as his precious creation.

The more we meditate on God’s love for us, the more we can walk through life confidently and peacefully, knowing that God’s love is not conditional or subject to change. His love endures forever.

2. Work through trauma and lies from your past.

So often, we allow other people’s opinions and treatment of us to define our inner sense of self-worth. Individual counseling can help you unlock the prison that past pain and trauma might have locked you in. Processing the past can be incredibly painful and incredibly healing. In individual Christian counseling for building self-esteem, sessions will move at a pace that is right for you.

3. Call our office today to schedule your risk-free initial session.

To get started, feel free to browse our online counselor directory at Texas Christian Counseling, fill out a contact form, or give us a call to get started on your healing journey today.