The Truth About Male Postpartum Depression

Not too long ago, people questioned the validity of postpartum depression (PPD) in mothers. There has always been societal pressure on new parents to be overjoyed at the birth of their children and to be naturally engaged in every aspect of parenthood, regardless of how they feel. The truth is that sometimes parenthood hits harder than people expect, and it’s not only mothers who experience PPD.

The concept of male postpartum depression might be foreign to many people, and there are no current diagnostic standards for it. Still, 10.4% of all new fathers have experienced postpartum depression. Many men suffer in silence, with feelings of guilt, shame, anger, and isolation over an issue that is common, natural, and treatable.

Why get depressed?

The concept of postpartum depression might be alarming or strange to many people. Still, it is a natural, complex, and common experience, and one that causes deep distress in the first few months of parenthood. Even adoptive parents experience a form of PPD, though they never experienced pregnancy.

PPD is caused by a complex mix of biological, psychological, and social factors. In pregnancy, women experience many physical changes, fluctuating hormones, mood disturbances, and complicated emotions.

There is a rapid drop in estrogen and progesterone levels soon after birth, and these changes can cause havoc on a new mother’s mood and emotional stability. Serotonin, which helps regulate emotions, is usually in dangerously short supply during and after pregnancy, and there is an increase in hormones like cortisol, which increases anxiety and depression.

On the outside, new parents often experience a lack of sleep, changes in diet, and more lifestyle adjustments than they are prepared for. All of this combines to make a depressing, frustrating, exhausting experience for many new parents.

It might seem like fathers and men have an easier time because they don’t experience the same hormonal and biological changes that women do. However, recent research shows that men frequently experience a drastic drop in testosterone and a rise in cortisol during their partner’s pregnancy. These are changes that are felt, and not seen.

Most men are too focused on their partner’s health and well-being to notice changes to their own health and happiness. It’s only natural for mother and baby to receive the spotlight of attention during and after pregnancy, but this means that many fathers go without support and information.

Symptoms of Male Postpartum Depression

It is completely normal to feel exhausted and anxious after the birth of your child, regardless of how many children you have had before. However, fathers with male postpartum depression often experience similar symptoms, most of which they try to ignore as they focus on their family. Male postpartum depression typically lasts between the first three to six months after the birth of a child, and it is best to look out for the symptoms so that you can get support early on.

You might find yourself feeling increasingly more annoyed, short-tempered, and angry after the birth of your child. You know that you should be feeling excitement and affection for your family, especially during this time. The fact that you don’t feel any of that can be alarming and triggering. You might fly off the handle more often, snap at your partner and kids, and feel dangerously close to rage more than you’ve ever felt in your life.

This often leads to deeper feelings of guilt and shame. You want to be a good father, and you want to connect with your new child. You want to feel all of the things you’re supposed to feel, but you simply don’t.

Instead, you feel numb, disconnected from your family and newborn. Instead of offering support, you are grumpy and emotionally dysregulated. It’s not surprising that all of this leads to feelings of guilt, shame, anxiety, and isolation. It might even feel selfish to ask for support.

Along with these feelings, many men facing postpartum depression also experience a dramatic rise in risky behavior, even when it doesn’t match their personality. They might start using substances as a way of coping, or begin a habit like gambling as a way to relieve the stress. Of course, these kinds of actions will make the situation worse, but it is a common symptom of male postpartum depression.

Risk Factors of Male Postpartum Depression

PPD is often unpredictable, and sometimes it hits even when you are excited and prepared for fatherhood. However, there are some risk factors that you can look out for that will likely result in male postpartum depression.

If you have had a history of anxiety or depression, you may be more likely to experience PPD. It is often financial or professional struggles that cause fathers to buckle under the pressure of having to provide for their families. Some men have hormonal and emotional imbalances before they become fathers, and these will likely be a contributing factor to their PPD.

You might not be able to avoid PPD as a father, but you can consider your personal risk factors and symptoms to determine what you are experiencing. Most fathers feel completely alone in their experience of PPD, with the shame or guilt adding to the feeling of isolation. Some helpful things to keep in mind are that male postpartum depression is real, it is common, and it tends to last for a short time in the grand scheme of things.

Things Fathers Have Said About Their Male Postpartum Depression

Even though male postpartum depression has only recently been given significant attention, there have been generations of men who have dealt with it. Men who boldly share their personal experiences help increase awareness of mental health struggles and provide resources and support for others facing similar things. Here is what some men have said on social media about their experience with PPD:

“I thought I was a bad father because all I felt was anger and guilt.”

There is pressure as a man and a father to be locked into your responsibilities, and to do everything from a place of strength and devotion. Sometimes it’s just not that simple, though. Mentally, you know you should be delighted, but in reality, all you feel is anger, annoyance, and guilt for feeling those things.

“It was the most confusing time of my life because I didn’t feel any of the things I did with my firstborn.”

For whatever reason, some men do not feel any emotional connection to their newborn until months later. This feels alarming, but it is common. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad person or that you’re going to be a bad father. It can take time for you to adjust to being a father, even if this is not your first experience with it.

“I kept telling myself, ‘How dare you feel this way!’”

Parenthood is already a pressured position without the extra pressure new fathers put on themselves. You might need to adjust your expectations of yourself. Ease up on yourself; you are likely already doing the best you can.

The Truth About Male Postpartum Depression

Male postpartum depression is real, it’s normal, and it’s difficult to navigate. Although it doesn’t typically last longer than six months, it can be an intense, isolating, and crippling experience nevertheless. Men tend to feel isolated after childbirth because society tends to forget that fathers also need support, albeit in a different way than new mothers. There is support for men with PPD, and the earlier you act, the better your experience with fatherhood will be.

There Is Help

You don’t have to struggle alone. Talking about your experience can be difficult, but you might find the support you need if you were to meet with a counselor. Talking to a counselor offers complete confidence and a non-judgmental environment, so it is safe to share as much as you feel comfortable with them. If this is something you would be interested in, please contact us for more information.