Understanding ADHD Love Languages

People with ADHD tend to struggle with intimacy and relationships, and only part of this struggle has to do with ADHD. Most of the battle is that ADHD love languages differ from neurotypical expressions of love and affection.

People with ADHD feel safer, seen, and valued by slightly different things than expected. This doesn’t mean that they are hard to love, but it does help when their partners, family, and friends take the time to learn about and understand them and their condition.

All the Small Things

As with all relationships, communication is key to the longevity and health of the connection. Partners and loved ones must take the time to get to know each other, and when there is tension or misunderstanding, the only way forward is to talk about it. Being in a relationship with a neurodiverse person means that there might be more misunderstanding and more tension than with someone neurotypical.

You don’t have to learn all there is to know about ADHD to show them love. There is research done on the topic every day, and most People with ADHD are still learning about themselves. However, just as in any relationship, it helps to understand how your loved one expresses love and how they receive love.

Everyone has unique love languages, and often, it is the little things that speak the loudest message of affection. This is true for People with ADHD; the small, seemingly insignificant actions can mean the world to them.

Storm in a Teacup

Many people with ADHD struggle with low self-esteem and anxiety. Much of this has to do with how they feel they are being perceived. They might feel as if they are too intense, too high maintenance, or simply “weird” because their actions, preferences, and ways of thinking are different from others. This might cause them to retreat and isolate themselves, shutting themself off from the chance for intimacy and affection.

Sadly, loneliness often goes hand-in-hand with ADHD and neurodiversity in general. When a person is isolated and cut off from connection and communication, they internalize all of their thoughts, feelings, and discoveries. The average ADHD experience is intense, with many thoughts and feelings cycling through the system on a daily or even hourly basis.

This could mean that you might be met by a tidal wave of emotion when someone with ADHD first opens up to you. Give them time, though, and they will find a balance in the connection with you.

ADHD Love Languages: Expressing Love

Random and spontaneous gifts

Most people with ADHD tend to be gift-givers. They tend to collect items that they find special to share with their loved ones. While these objects might not hold much monetary value, it means a lot for you to receive the gifts and see the meaning behind them.

Cherish the stones, leaves, feathers, or trinkets. You will find your ADHD person blooming with pride and satisfaction. Communicating with gifts is sometimes the most fluent way they can say, “I am thinking about you.”

Constant chatter

It is a sign of how comfortable in your presence someone with ADHD feels when they keep up a constant chatter. They tend to have a whirlwind of thoughts and feelings that can be overwhelming to keep to themselves. Their constant chatter is a sign that they feel comfortable enough to be themselves in someone’s presence.

Info dumping

Along the lines of the previous point, People with ADHD take regular rabbit trails into topics that interest them, researching and learning about a variety of random things.

They don’t always retain the information they learn, but when they do, it is meaningful for them to be able to share about the things they learned. You’ll hopefully find their passion for these topics to be captivating and charming.

Emotional intensity

Most People with ADHD feel everything deeply, and they can be affected by things most others would overlook. Their emotional intensity is one of the many things they can be self-conscious about. When someone holds that intensity with them, without judgment, they feel validated, seen, and respected.

Interruptions

While interruptions in conversation can be understandably frustrating, one of the main reasons People with ADHD do it is because they have valuable information to share. If they remember something in the moment, they have to share it before it flies out of their busy brains. They’re not trying to be rude. On the contrary, they often want to share something that they thought would be meaningful.

ADHD Love Languages: Receiving Love

Presence

Your physical presence is meaningful, especially when they are busy with tasks. They might not be focused on you, but they are aware of your presence. It is comforting to be with someone while they work and helps them to avoid being distracted by their overactive brains. Your presence helps loved ones with ADHD to be productive.

Patience

It takes a lot of patience to love someone with ADHD. They are aware of that, appreciate that, and need it. Your patience creates a safe environment for them to unfold and be in their true shape.

Understanding the urgency

People with ADHD are anxious the majority of the time and tend to see even the smallest and simplest of things as majorly important. You make them feel valued and respected when you hold that urgent space with them, not minimizing their experience. Sometimes, it helps to have someone else’s perspective on an issue that makes them feel flustered.

Reminders for self-care

People with ADHD constantly run the risk of forgetting to do simple things like drinking water, taking breaks, and even eating proper meals. They tend to get sidetracked and absorbed in whatever distractions steal their focus, and literal hours of their time can get lost.

Taking them a drink, inviting them to do an activity that breaks the doomscrolling, or inviting them to a meal are all practical ways of loving a distracted loved one with ADHD.

Stability

When you give someone with ADHD the space to be themself, you are providing a sturdy foundation for them. Most People with ADHD tend to limit themselves, mask their behavior, and reduce their exposure to people who don’t understand them. This is not only exhausting, but it’s also lonely.

When they find someone who takes the time to know them, understand them, and allow them to be themselves without judgment, they find stability and intimacy. You will see the best side of your loved one with ADHD when they feel safe enough to be themselves around you.

Getting Support

Love is patient and kind, and it takes both to love anyone, especially people with ADHD. They don’t mean to cause distress with their actions. All too often, they are aware of how they are being perceived, yet they are helpless to change their ways.

The simplest action, like hearing them talk about a new passion or sitting with them while they work, communicates love and affection in ways you may not have considered. They are spontaneous, talkative, hyperactive people, and the ones who see that and appreciate that will get to know them on a level that no one else will.

Every relationship encounters tension and misunderstanding from time to time, but People with ADHD generally appreciate honest and open communication. Most are highly anxious people who worry that they have offended or upset their loved ones. It helps to reassure them and gives them space to be themselves. Your patience and calmness provide practical, emotional support in the relationship.

Several decades ago, we had little understanding of ADHD and other disorders. Today, there is a wealth of information, support groups, and mental health care for all neurodiverse types. If you would like to learn more about ADHD or receive support in the form of counseling, contact our offices today. As a mental health professional who specializes in ADHD, I would love to help you or a loved one navigate your journey.