10 Things to Know about Processing Trauma 

Trauma is not a new concept; it’s simply a recent buzzword for what we experience. History tells us that almost every, if not every, generation has its share of collective trauma to experience. Besides the chaos happening in the world around us, many of us are facing deeply personal issues that affect every aspect of our lives. What do we do about our trauma, and how do we cope when it feels like life is coming at us from every angle?

Thankfully, thousands of people have walked the trauma-paved paths before us and can speak to the situations we are facing. Processing trauma is not easy, but it is possible when we have guidance and support.

What You Need to Know about Processing Trauma

We are traumatized when we witness or experience something that leaves us emotionally disturbed, overwhelmed, or fearing for our safety. It is a feeling or experience that you or someone you love has gone through something with an inability to overcome it.

These events or experiences may be ongoing, or they may have happened only once, even if it was decades ago. Unlike the old saying, time doesn’t automatically heal wounds, and we might feel as if our entire lives have crumbled because of a single experience.

Trauma impacts the way we think about the world. It shapes what we feel about ourselves and other people. Some examples include a person who has supported a family member with addiction will likely have trust issues because they were lied to, or a woman who was assaulted by a man in power will naturally avoid similar men.

While everyone responds to and deals with trauma in their unique way, there are familiar habits, mindsets, and tendencies that we can address as we learn to process trauma.

It’s okay not to be okay, but we must be honest about it

Society often pressures us to perform a pantomime of adulthood. We go through life pretending we are fine and faking happiness. All the while, we are barely holding it together and are overwhelmed with guilt, fear, shame, or other emotions that are tied to the trauma.

Even when we make terrible choices that result in something traumatic happening, we do not move forward by pretending that everything is fine. The first step of making amends is to admit fault, and after that, to focus on making better choices. However, even when we are not directly to blame for what went wrong, we carry around guilt and shame as if we were in the wrong.

If the truth sets us free, then we must begin by acknowledging how we feel and what state we are in, even if it doesn’t make sense. Sometimes the heaviest burden we carry is the mask we wear. We must start by being honest with ourselves about what we are experiencing.

Pretending like everything is okay often leads to distancing ourselves from support

“I’m fine.” This is a typical and expected response that almost all of us give when asked how we are doing. Popular culture tends to mock people who share too honestly about their situations, saying they are “trauma dumping” or something equally as unkind. There is a time to hold our cards close to our chests, but doing so as a default will alienate even our closest friends over time.

We need to let that guard down. We need to take a risk and allow someone to see our struggles. The best place to start is with someone safe and trustworthy, such as a spouse, family member, or close friend.

Vulnerability can be uncomfortable, but it leads to healing

Have you ever seen a film where the main character goes through all kinds of hardships, but holds it together, only to eventually break down and let everything out? How did you feel as a viewer when that moment happened? You will likely feel many things if you simply imagine someone having a public meltdown.

It is human nature to withdraw into a protective stance when we are threatened. It is our brain doing exactly what it was designed to do – protect us and allow us to survive. These self-preserving instincts might keep us from danger, but over time, they also keep us from healing. We must take steps toward healing by experiencing the uncomfortable feeling of being vulnerable. Once we start that journey with trusted people, it can lead to healing.

It’s exhausting to avoid processing trauma

If it’s hard to talk about what we’ve been through, it is so much harder and more exhausting in the long run to avoid acknowledging it. It takes more mental, emotional, and physical energy to avoid or suppress events than it does to process them. At some point, we will have to stop running, avoiding, or trying to pretend it did not happen. We must turn toward what we have experienced and start taking the steps necessary for healing, even if they are baby steps.

Being resistant to change keeps us stuck

If we have been through something traumatic and life-changing, it is only natural that we crave comfort and familiarity. Change can be scary, even on a small scale. We often develop habits, traits, and routines to help us cope with trauma. For a while, they truly do help. We might only begin to heal, though, when we allow change into our lives. Therapy and counseling can feel like a scary step, but it is one that often leads to freedom and healing.

Healing takes time and effort

A saying from Alcoholics Anonymous also applies to healing from trauma-”Nothing changes if nothing changes.” In other words, we will be stuck until we do something to help ourselves.

Maybe the trauma we experienced was not our fault, and it made us feel like a victim. Maybe the trauma was a direct or indirect result of something we did, and we now experience emotions such as guilt and/or shame.

Either way, we must acknowledge how the trauma or experience made us feel and how it impacted our lives. And at some point, we must realize that we still have power. We have the power to pick ourselves up and move on with our lives, even when the road forward is long and difficult.

Talking about our experiences is not the same as processing our emotions

A common coping mechanism that people develop as they attempt to process trauma is intellectualizing their experience. It feels good to talk to a trusted friend about our experiences, especially the negative ones. There is vulnerability in doing so, but it is not the same as getting to the depths of our issues. Talking about what happened can be a way of avoiding feelings and processing through what we experienced.

We might be getting in our own way, but we are also our own solution

People are complex. We have the potential to sabotage ourselves because we have been affected by trauma. We tie ourselves up in knots trying to fix our lives and only end up making things worse. However, it does not have to be like this. We might have caused a lot of our own struggles, but we are also the only ones to get ourselves out.

No one gets it right all the time, and everyone needs help

Lists like this are not meant to make us feel ashamed of all the ways we have gotten it wrong. No one knows how to “do” life, and no one gets a trophy when they somehow get it right. Everyone needs support, encouragement, insight, and guidance, and that hardly ever comes from within.

It’s good to feel convicted about how we got things wrong, but we must find the strength to ask for help on how to get it right. This is how we conquer trauma. It happens when we acknowledge how we were impacted, how we messed up trying to make things right, and how much we need support.

It’s not over yet

We have made it this far, despite our challenges and pain. We still have a way to go, and the journey ahead might be complicated, but we are still here. We have endured and been affected by tragedy and trauma. Our lives might never look the same, but we are still alive and still moving. I invite you to take some time to think about that. May you be encouraged to be honest, vulnerable, and tenacious in processing your past and working toward your future.

Next Steps

While this article will highlight things to consider when processing trauma, it is not exhaustive. Your trauma and the way you process trauma are as unique as you are. Finding someone to connect with and process your trauma can be difficult. If you feel this way, you might benefit from meeting with a Christian counselor.

True healing comes from the true Healer. Our Lord is the only One to allow the type of healing we desperately desire. Contact our office today, and we can connect you with a counselor who can provide the support you need and deserve.