8 Effective Long-Distance Relationship Tips

When you are in a serious relationship and circumstances arise that separate you from each other by a significant geographical distance, it can feel like an impossible obstacle to overcome. However, a long-distance relationship is not doomed to failure and can thrive.

Many couples may find themselves living far apart from each other for a season, whether when dating or married. If used correctly, this season can result in strengthening your emotional connection and making your relationship stronger than before.

Tips For a Flourishing Long-Distance Relationship

Before you part…

If you are still anticipating a move away from each other, this is the time to think ahead and manage your expectations. Talk about the level of commitment you have to each other and make sure that you are on the same page. Set some ground rules for your future interactions by asking yourselves important questions like:

• How often will you communicate?
• What forms of communication do you prefer?
• What plans will you make to maintain connection during this season apart?
• Will you try to meet up at certain times?

Perhaps you would like to gift something personal to each other that the other can hold on to when they feel far apart from you. This can be anything meaningful to you that will bring back memories, whether a piece of jewelry, a keepsake from a past shared experience, or a collection of songs and videos that remind you of your time together.

But don’t worry if you are already living apart and you haven’t had these conversations. It is never too late to touch base and check if you are both still on the same page.

Communicate well

Good communication skills are among the key aspects of a healthy relationship, whether long-distance or not. However, in long-distance relationships, you may miss elements of regular face-to-face communication, such as body language and nonverbal cues. Because you are not sharing in each other’s daily lives as much, you may find more room for doubt and insecurities.

It is more important than ever that you put in the effort to communicate with each other regularly and practice open and honest communication.

We are fortunate to have many options for instant digital communication. Texting on a messaging app might be the fastest way to share thoughts throughout the day, but making time for video calls whenever possible will also help you to stay connected.

You may also want to make your partner feel loved by putting in the extra effort to do something special on occasion. You could send handwritten love letters, care packages, or special gifts, or even just send pictures, voice notes, and videos that can be rewatched at leisure. You can also shop online to surprise each other, whether for birthdays, anniversaries, Valentine’s Day, or just because.

Whether you prefer to communicate at set times in the morning or evening, or randomly throughout the day, make sure you are both on the same page about how often you need to communicate to feel connected.

Be sure to update each other on the news from your families and friendship circles, as this will help you to know each other better. Knowing the small details in each other’s lives will build understanding and mutual trust between you.

Work on dealing with any issues as they come up before they get a chance to grow into bigger problems by talking through sensitive topics like your feelings and frustrations. Be willing to work on your communication skills, learn to listen well to each other, express your own needs and expectations, and practice healthy conflict resolution, negotiating, and reaching compromises with each other.

Be there for each other

While distance means that you can’t physically comfort each other at the end of a long day, being there for each other is more about responding well to each other’s emotional needs. You will probably have ample opportunities to work on that in the form of phone calls, where you can practice connecting by being a good listener, working to understand the challenges that they are facing, and encouraging each other with your words.

Be honest about any feelings of insecurity, fear, or jealousy, as well as respond gently and honestly to any of these feelings that your partner may express. Don’t try to deal with things by yourself. Allow your partner to support and help you. Don’t forget to remind each other often about what you love about them and how you feel about your relationship together.

It is important to prioritize keeping your commitment to talk to each other and to respond to each other’s attempts to connect. Get to know each other’s schedules, so that you can know when the best time is to call.

Support each other’s interests

People will always continue to grow and change as individuals, but in a long-distance relationship, these changes can feel more prominent. To weather these changes, it is important to have a secure attachment to each other so that it will be easier to allow the other space to grow and mature.

Feeling secure and safe in a relationship will result in personal growth and change. This makes it important to find ways to stay connected while supporting your partner’s strengths and interests. Encourage each other to do what you love and share in each other’s joy in those things.

Do things together

While you have a surplus of time to invest in your separate identities as individuals, it is all the more important to find ways to also do things together. This could be as simple as finding similar things to do in your own time, like recommending books and tv shows to each other. This can give you even more things to talk about when you’re together.

Alternatively, you could get more creative and find things to do together remotely. Whether you read the same book together, join an online cooking class, try a new recipe during a video call, have a date and order from the same fast-food chain when you connect, or play a game together, all of these provide opportunities to connect over a shared experience.

Focus on the positives

The reality is that long-distance relationships can be challenging, and to weather the hard days, you need to try to focus on the positives. If you see it as an opportunity, a season of learning for you both, you can focus on building stronger foundations for the future.

When you are being intentional about the time you spend with each other, you can be sure to give your full attention to your partner when you’re with them and use the rest of the time to give yourself fully to the other priorities you have around you. If you are separated for academics or a job, you can devote your focus to that task.

You can also invest some of your time apart in pursuing other hobbies or interests, learning new skills, or investing time in relationships with your family and friends. Make a list of things you can be grateful for, big things like each other, good health, family, or little things like an unexpected phone call or a handwritten note from your partner. Keeping a gratitude journal that you can look back on will help on those days when you’re feeling low.

Respect the reason why you’re apart

No one chooses a long-distance relationship for the fun of it, but rather because there was a serious commitment to something else that, for a time, pulls the two of you in different directions. Whatever the reason for your choosing this path, whether for a job, the military, school, or long-term career goals, it may be tempting to give up on those things when the distance feels too much.

It is important to honor the commitment that both of you have made to that path, especially when tempted to do something you may later regret. Remember that you both had an important reason for choosing the path that you did. Don’t sacrifice months or years of progress for impatience. Your relationship will be stronger if you finish what you started and finish it well.

Have a goal in mind

A long-distance relationship is not meant to continue indefinitely. If this is a person that you want to spend the rest of your life with, at some point, you will need to find a way to build a life together in the same place.

Whether this involves one or both of you relocating after this season apart or taking the next step toward getting married, make sure that you have a plan that works for both of you in terms of the timing and direction of the relationship. Set up a provisional timeline, with a plan for how long you will be apart, whether you can fit in visits, and when to do that, and an end goal of where you hope to come together after this season.

It is important to be motivated in the same direction, and this future hope together will be an anchor on the lonely days.

Strengthening Your Long-Distance Relationship

Every relationship goes through challenges, and long-distance relationships are no exception. While having unique points of concern, long-distance relationships can flourish and be enriching.

When they go through difficulties, a couple in a long-distance relationship will have to be creative in problem-solving, clear in their communication or goal-setting, and responsive as they resolve the conflict. These skills are needed in all relationships, and they can be honed over time.

If you’re in a long-distance relationship, your relationship can be strengthened through individual or couples counseling. Thankfully, counseling can be done online, so you can attend sessions together with your counselor remotely.

Counseling helps a couple work through any unhealthy dynamics in their relationship and works to promote their well-being. Whether you’re dealing with a specific problem or looking to continue growing as a couple, consider reaching out for relationship counseling. The counselors in our office can help you nurture your long-distance relationship.