Common Communication Issues in Relationships and How to Fix Them

The success of any relationship relies heavily on good communication. Good communication is what enables two people to understand each other and find common ground when it comes to disagreements. Communication issues tend to arise in times of conflict. It is not a question of whether two will disagree; it is a question of when they will disagree.

Every relationship has conflict, and having conflict does not necessarily mean the relationship is destined for doom. However, the communication exchange during a conflict can determine the course of the relationship.

You may have experienced in your own relationships how volatile arguments can get. Sometimes words are thrown around so carelessly that feelings are hurt in the process. Once words are spoken, they cannot be taken back, and they are not easily forgotten. Good communication can increase your chances of having a successful relationship.

Empathy for Overcoming Communication Issues

It is said that the essence of good communication starts with empathy (Nichols, p. 10). Empathy is the ability to put yourself in another’s shoes with the hopes of understanding them. To truly empathize, you need to momentarily turn off your own opinions and feelings and consider a perspective that is different from yours.

It is almost like stepping out of your skin and into the skin of another. Your point of view is no longer the focus, but instead, you focus on your partner’s thoughts and feelings. The truth of the matter is that everyone perceives and interprets information in their own way. No two people think the same, so when disagreements occur, empathy is what allows you to build a bridge of understanding.

It is not always easy to empathize, especially when you are accustomed to only thinking about your own wants and needs in the relationship. Humans tend to be self-centered at times. Thus, the inability to empathize with your partner can communicate a lack of care and consideration for them. Empathy demonstrates that you do care, and you cannot empathize without listening.

Learning to Listen to Overcome Communication Issues

When it comes to listening, some people think they are better listeners than they really are (Nichols, p. 11). Have you ever been in a situation where the other person was not fully paying attention to what you were saying? They may have been distracted or uninterested. Distractions are easy to come by these days, especially when the world is literally at one’s fingertips.

You might be scrolling through your phone, checking emails, or answering a text message while conversing. You might think you are listening, but your full attention is not thoroughly invested when you multitask. Sometimes you might even get lost in your own thoughts and mental to-do lists that you end up hearing merely bits and pieces of what was said. This prevents you from being an active listener.

Listening actively means you listen with real intent and purpose. You put aside all distractions and concentrate on the dialogue with your partner. Active listening sends the message that you are interested and that you are serious about finding a solution to the problem.

One thing that can interfere with your ability to listen actively is the tone of voice used by the communicator. Many people underestimate the effect of using an aggressive tone of voice. When you communicate with aggression and anger, the message is obscured.

All that is heard is agitation and frustration, so the words get lost in translation. The only clear message that is communicated is that the speaker is angry and does not come in peace. This leads one to put up their defenses, and the battle of words begins.

For the sake of preventing a verbal war, it is best to communicate neutrally. Speaking in a collected and calm voice can keep defenses from rising, and it keeps emotions from escalating. It may not be easy to communicate calmly if you are too angry, and if that is the case, give yourself some time to calm down before speaking.

When you choose to communicate while you are angry, communication can easily go off track. Angry tones and angry words will most assuredly defeat the chances of having any productive communication. Anger also leads to insults and attacks on one’s character, which are extremely detrimental to the relationship.

The Power of Words in Communication Issues

The power of words cannot be overstated. Your words have the potential to build up or break down. This is essential to remember during conflicts. Choose your words wisely and consider what you want to say. The golden rule of communication is simple. It is not what you say that is most important; it is how you say it. Ask yourself if the manner in which you communicate is helpful or harmful to your partner and the situation.

Name-calling is never a good idea. It devalues a person, and it tears away at their self-esteem and self-worth. Insults are verbal punches that leave bruises on the soul. Partners begin to resent each other with every harsh word that is spoken. It eventually poisons the well of the relationship. Make sure you communicate with respect; check your tone, and evaluate your anger level.

Another hindrance to good communication is playing the blame game during a conflict. Some have the tendency to put all the blame on one person, and they fail to take accountability for their actions. It can be frustrating to argue with someone who continuously deflects blame when they have equally contributed to a situation. In a relationship, each person influences the other. As the famous saying goes, “it takes two to tango.”

Both are two parts to a whole. Both are accountable for the state of the relationship. It is not fair to put the weight of the problems on one person’s shoulders. This creates an imbalance, and the one who bears the weight will surely buckle from the pressure. You have to be accountable for the part you play in your relationship. Each person needs to carry their fair share to remain balanced.

The communication dos and don’ts mentioned so far are the building blocks of healthy dialogue. Something that is worth mentioning is that everyone has a communication style. Some people are healthy communicators, while others may struggle to articulate what they are carrying inside.

Harmonizing Communication Styles

Communication styles depend on many factors, such as your upbringing and family life. If you grow up in a household where open communication is encouraged and taught, then chances are you will learn to communicate your feelings openly.

On the contrary, those who grow up in a household where no one talks about their feelings, then that behavior is also learned. They will learn to keep their feelings to themselves, and deep conversations will be difficult.

Two people with different communication styles may have problems communicating until they recognize such differences. To the open communicator, please be aware that not everyone communicates as effortlessly as you do. To the closed communicator, please be aware that relationships require open dialogue to thrive and survive. You must be willing to share openly and honestly.

Realistically, healthy communication takes work, and it takes time to perfect. If you can begin polishing your listening skills, then you are well on your way to improving how you communicate. It is important to remember that there is value in being heard. Everyone benefits when listening takes place. Listening translates to love and care, which are two things that relationships require the most.

There is no doubt that your feelings matter, but so do your partner’s. Don’t forget to take the time to empathize with how your partner may have perceived events. Communicate with respect, and talk to your partner in the way you want to be spoken to. Be mindful that every spoken word is either a building block or a bulldozer. You have the freedom to choose whether you will be a builder or a wrecking ball.

If anger persists, tame it. Nothing good comes from having an aggressive tongue. Be patient with your partner if they are learning better ways to communicate, and reassure them that their words matter. These starting points can make a world of difference in your relationship.