6 Ways to Overcome Low Self-Esteem

When you hear the term “low self-esteem,” you are probably reminded of a person in your life. That friend who constantly puts themselves down in front of others or your child who avoids social situations out of fear of rejection probably comes to mind.

But low self-esteem doesn’t always manifest in obvious ways. Sometimes it whispers. Sometimes it affects people you would never guess it would, and in ways you would never expect. And when that someone is a person you love, the once silent battle that can hamper their lives can also break your heart.

Low self-esteem whispers in the person who over-apologizes for things that aren’t their fault. It hides behind perfectionism, where any mistake feels like proof that they’re not quite good enough. It shows in those who can’t accept a compliment without deflecting it or making jokes at their own expense. It lingers in hesitation, keeping its hostage from raising their hand, speaking up, trying something new, or seeking help when they need it.

Low self-esteem can look like someone saying “yes” when everything inside them screams “no.” They may stay in an unhealthy relationship because deep down, they believe they don’t deserve better. It can even wear a mask of confidence, overcompensating with bravado or humor to hide a gnawing sense of inadequacy.

It is not always obvious, but once you start noticing it, you realize how many people are quietly carrying the weight of self-doubt. Or maybe you are the one who suffers from low self-image. Maybe you have spent your life standing in the shadows, too afraid to stand out. Maybe you replay conversations and situations repeatedly, painfully recalling all the mistaken words, poor grammar, or boring small talk you’ve blurted out.

No matter what brought you or someone you love to a place of low self-esteem, it doesn’t have to be a life sentence. The inner voice, the one that says that “you’re not enough,” can be challenged. It takes patience and often discomfort, but developing a more positive and healthier self-image is possible.

How to Love Yourself (and Teach Others to Do the Same)

God is always the right place to start when you are dealing with low self-esteem issues or when you are trying to help others see their own worth.

Turn your eyes upon Jesus

Turning to God can make all the difference. He is the One who already sees your worth and does not measure that worth by accomplishments or remove it because of failures. His love does not depend on your performance, appearance, or even your belief in yourself. His love is steady, unshakable, and consistent. His love can drown out the shame that has been quietly narrating your life.

When His voice becomes louder than the lies, self-worth can finally start to grow roots. How? By reading the Bible and praying. By singing His praises and accepting the fact that He loved you before you were ever born. By acknowledging and solidifying your relationship with the Lord, you will soon begin to understand your importance in His eyes.

He created you meticulously, perfectly, and with purpose. He doesn’t make mistakes, nor does He hold yours against you when you confess and repent. Seeing your worth through the loving lens of your Heavenly Father can compensate for all the times you failed the test or stumbled on your walk.

Actionable Steps

Understanding God’s love for you is the most important step toward overcoming self-esteem issues. But there are some other practical steps you can take that can help bring healing.

Quiet the inner critic

Take small steps at first, like noticing your inner critic and choosing not to agree with it. Whenever those determined mental reels start playing in your head, the ones that focus on all the negative comments that have been made to you and all the times you have been the brunt of the joke, stop them.

Mentally repeat the phrase, “This does not define me. I am a child of God.” And then distract yourself with something positive like going for a walk, reading your Bible or calling a friend.

Accept compliments

Learn to accept a compliment without shrinking or turning it into a joke. It might feel awkward at first, and you may want to resort to your old methods of deflecting a compliment, but deliberately attempt to accept compliments with grace. Smile, say thank you, and let the words sink into your heart.

Learn to say “no”

Pause before you say “yes” to situations that bring you pain or insecurity. Invited to a family gathering? You may like the idea of spending time with your family, but your peace is more important. If there is a family member who is constantly making you feel less than, feel free to decline the invitation or at least ask for a list of possible attendees before you accept.

Have you been presented with the opportunity to do something outside of your comfort zone? While it is good to be adventurous, try new things, and expand your experiences, if you are asked to do something that you are not comfortable with doing (and that you suspect failure is the likely outcome), permit yourself to say “no” or to establish boundaries for your participation. Push yourself to experience life, but don’t be pressured into doing something you don’t want to do just to please someone else.

Learn to speak kindly to yourself

Healing will include learning to speak more kindly to yourself (and teaching others how to do it). You may be your own worst critic, but you can also become your own biggest cheerleader.

Celebrate your little victories, even if it’s just getting up in the morning. Recognize your accomplishments and focus on your best features, talents, and attributes. Realize that no one is perfect, and striving for perfection will only leave you focusing on the deficits.

Seek therapy for low self-esteem

Healing might include professional therapy. For many, this is one of the bravest and most transformative steps. There is something powerful about speaking your truth out loud in a safe, judgment-free space. A space where you’re not interrupted, not dismissed, and not expected to have it all figured out.

Therapists are trained to gently untangle the web of thoughts, fears, memories, and experiences that have shaped your self-perception. They help you name the lies that you’ve carried, lies that might have taken root in childhood, during trauma, through criticism, or after seasons of rejection. The lies that told you that you’re not enough, not wanted, and not lovable.

When those false beliefs are brought into the light, they start to lose their power. You may begin to hear your own voice again, perhaps for the first time. The real voice, the one that has been buried under years of shame, silence, and self-hatred.

There is Hope: Christian Counseling for Low Self-Esteem

Low self-esteem doesn’t have to have the final word. It doesn’t get to write the rest of your story, or the story of your loved one. As a friend, parent, partner, or sibling, what you say matters, and so does your presence. Sometimes, just reminding someone that they are valued, seen, and loved without conditions can begin to crack the shell that self-doubt has built around them.

Low self-esteem is tricky. It can weave itself into a person’s identity until they forget who they were before it took root. But it can be turned around. Healing is possible, even if it’s slow, word by word and choice by choice. Everyone wrestles with self-worth issues at some point in their lives. The brave ones admit it, and the strong ones face it.

Many more suffer in silence, hiding in the shadows and mentally flogging themselves for their inadequacies. If you’re the one battling the voice of inadequacy or the one loving someone else through it, remember that every kind word and act of support matters. Every time you choose to believe in yourself or remind someone else of their worth, you are doing God’s beautiful work.

To learn more about low self-esteem and how to overcome it, contact our office today and schedule your first appointment with one of the faith-based counselors in our network. Begin developing your true voice and seeing your value through the eyes of God.