Forgetfulness and ADHD: How Are They Related?

The frustrating reality for those living with ADHD is that it will affect your memory, and you will struggle to remember important things. Quite literally, you are wired differently. Your nervous system is interest-based, and that means that you crave constant stimulation and often move at a fast pace. Any information that is not written down, entered into a reminders app, or repeated to you is in danger of being forgotten.

Forgetting information can cause complications, be it in a friendship, relationship, at work, or as a parent. Forgetfulness or missing appointments can be detrimental not just for yourself and those around you, but for your relationships. Few people truly understand ADHD (even those with ADHD!), meaning that people might experience hurt feelings or frustration with your forgetfulness.

When you have an understanding of just how ADHD affects your brain, and how common it is to forget certain things, you can begin to feel less ashamed. In turn, this will give you the chance to work on finding a way to remember the truly important information, without the filter of shame or anger getting in the way.

Things people with ADHD forget

You forget that you made plans

Picture this: it’s the weekend, you have had a long week, and you are looking forward to an entire day of doing whatever it is that refuels your tank with no time pressures. You are just getting into the marathon of activities that you have planned when you get a text from your best friend that says, “Where are you???”

That’s when you remember that you had planned to have brunch and catch up with them. To make things a little more complicated, today’s plans were formed after you forgot the last three times you had made plans with this friend.

That sinking feeling of embarrassment, shame, and maybe a little bit of anger is all too common for people with ADHD. Missing out on social, casual plans is low stakes compared to missing meetings or forgetting to pick kids up from school – things that can and do happen to those who have ADHD.

Neurotypical people might try to helpfully suggest that you invest in an organizer and write down reminders. Of course that would require you to remember to buy an organizer, remember to write your appointments in it, and then remember to check it.

A potentially easier tip here would be to make use of the digital assistant on your phone. The benefit of using these features is that they are voice-operated, so you can make a voice memo telling your phone to remind you at a certain time and on a certain date about whatever it is you need to remember, and at the proper time it will give you a reminder notification.

Additionally, friends, family members, and coworkers would benefit from understanding more about ADHD, if only to help their frustrations with your memory.

You forget birthdays and anniversaries

If you can’t remember plans that you made recently, how on earth are you supposed to remember events that only happen annually, like birthdays and anniversaries? As with each of the points on this list, it can be incredibly frustrating to forget a loved one’s birthday or an important anniversary. Forgetting these details can make it seem to others as if you simply don’t care.

Whilst digital reminders on phones can once more be of use here, it’s also worth having a conversation with people about your ADHD-induced forgetfulness. Telling people in your own words that you don’t mean to forget these important details will allow you to address the underlying, unspoken issues of how much you truly care and don’t mean to forget things.

It also gives your loved ones the chance to help you by reminding you of special dates. It might be culturally acceptable to surprise loved ones on anniversaries, or friends on birthdays, but for the person with ADHD, a little help may be needed in this area, however against-norm that might be.

You forget about bills and subscriptions

This is one where you will begin feeling the consequences of forgetfulness. Bills have always been a part of adult life, and the automatic payments can cause a shock to your budget when you forget about them. The late charges on forgotten bills can get heavy, too. In addition to bills, all entertainment these days seems to be governed by subscriptions. Even those that offer the first months for free end up stinging you with forgotten payments.

Even people without ADHD can struggle with bills and subscriptions. There are apps for your phone that will help you keep track of where your money is going each month, and some can even cancel subscription services automatically when free trials have expired.

Additionally, if you are in a relationship with someone who is good with money, or if you have a friend who is, you might want to ask for help in this area. This is a place where forgetfulness can cost you, and so you might need to ask for help from someone trustworthy and caring.

You forget about the things you’ve bought, causing a lot of waste

People with ADHD can be impulse shoppers. You browse the internet, see something interesting, and order three of them. Even if it isn’t online impulse purchases, you might find that you buy something you need for the home only to discover that you’ve already purchased that item.

This tendency can be helpful as far as grocery shopping is concerned because you can hopefully keep the excess items for use later, but it can affect your budget in the long run. Making impulse purchases online can result in a lot of wasted money from month to month.

You might need to work at being more disciplined as far as finances are concerned, and even assess your relationship with money. If you have ADHD, you might get a particular buzz from acting on the fly and making spontaneous choices. It feels exciting and feeds a particular part of the brain.

Perhaps try limiting yourself to one large purchase per month. Try attaching it to something positive in your life, like a promotion or personal breakthrough. That way, the purchase is more of a reward for something positive rather than something frivolous and wasteful.

You forget about housework and hygiene

It is completely normal for people to neglect housework and personal hygiene when they are depressed or anxious, but for those with ADHD, it is a part of everyday life. You might genuinely be invested in keeping a clean house and body, only to become distracted after beginning one task.

You might forget that you haven’t washed your hair all week, despite showering every day. When people notice that your house is a mess or that you aren’t looking too fresh, they might become alarmed or embarrassed for you. Only the closest friends or family members are likely to say anything directly to you, though.

Those with ADHD thrive on spontaneity but are most productive when they have routine and structure. This area might simply be a case of working at developing a system and repeating it as often as you need for the habits to stick.

In the shower, you might want to implement a five-step cleaning program, for example, starting at your head and working your way to the feet. That way you will remember to clean each part of your body. The same system can be applied to housework as you work systematically from task to task for each room of the house.

Finding support for forgetfulness and ADHD

There is no need to feel ashamed in forgetting details if you have ADHD, but there are consequences. It’s good to not feel shame over something that you can’t help, but at the same time, you might need to make some changes and adapt to avoid some of the larger repercussions of having an ADHD brain.

Involving loved ones in helping you to remember important information and making use of new technology could be the first steps to being able to remember important things while also improving relationships with those closest to you.

If you are struggling to come to grips with forgetfulness and ADHD and need moral support, we can help. We can connect you to a counselor who can listen, encourage, and boost your motivation in dealing with forgetfulness and ADHD. Contact us today to find out more.