Getting to the Root of Anger Problems

If you have ever lost your temper to the point of getting physical, raising your voice, or saying things that you later regret, you are in the majority. Everyone gets angry on occasion, and often an angry response is warranted, logical, or at least understandable. However, if your default response is anger, there might be something else going on.

If it doesn’t take much for you to fly off the handle and say or do things you regret, anger could be a problem area. If you look back on your behavior with embarrassment and shame, you might have anger problems. This might be a sensitive topic for you, but it can be resolved in time.

The Anger Iceberg

While anger is often destructive and harmful, sometimes it can be helpful. As Jesus once told His disciples, “‘…For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.’” (Luke 6:45, NIV) In other words, the way we act, the things we say, and our emotional responses show what is going on inside of us in the deep, hidden parts of us.

We show how we are feeling with words or actions, even when it is unintentional. Sometimes our emotions are so close to the surface that others see them long before we say or do anything.

Anger is an incredibly complex emotion, and it’s not always easy to see what it is connected to. For example, it’s understandable to get annoyed when someone cuts you off in traffic. It’s a selfish thing to do, it’s potentially dangerous, and it blocks your progress. You might curse quietly or demonstrate your frustration to the other driver with gestures and facial expressions.

However, if you have anger problems, something as simple and common as being cut off in traffic might spark an inferno of rage that effectively ruins your entire day. If your angry reactions to triggering events are disproportionate or hard to control, there is likely something more going on beneath the surface.

When Anger Becomes a Problem

Few people like getting angry, even when it seems to be their default emotion. This is because anger is a physical emotion. It takes physical effort to express, whether it is in gestures, words, or emotions. Anger uses up physical resources whether you express it or not, and any positive change rarely comes from it. The more intense the anger, the more negative consequences come from the outbursts.

To be clear, anger is not always a problem. Sometimes it is a useful motivator that helps us clear obstructions in our path or gain clarity over murky issues. However, it is a problem if it leads to physical altercations, yelling or screaming, if it leads your loved ones to feel unsafe around you, or if it is your singular response to every issue. When any behavior is a default or an extreme, it is usually masking an unresolved issue.

The Root of Anger Problems

As in the case of being angry with bad drivers, people most often experience anger in response to logical things. You do not have anger problems if you periodically become angry over understandable things. Anger becomes a problem when it is ongoing, disproportionate, or disconnected from immediate events, and if it continuously affects your relationships, whether personal or professional.

You might be avoiding dealing with your anger problems because you are aware that they are attached to other issues that you are unwilling to face. Ignoring issues does not make them go away; it’s best to face what is potentially going on.

Your health and daily routine contribute more to your overall mental health than you might realize.

The most obvious things that contribute to anger issues are stress, sleep deprivation, poor diet, physical illness, and emotional turmoil.

You might be facing all these things at once, in which case, there is little wonder why you have anger problems. When you ignore these seemingly minor issues over time, they develop into an unhealthy lifestyle. This kind of lifestyle compromises all the relationships in your life.

Blocked Goals You could ask yourself whether you have anger issues or whether you are permanently frustrated. The two are not the same, though they are frequently connected. Sometimes people develop anger problems because of how they deal with their frustrations.

For example, you might be stressed out as you work on an important assignment when the internet stops working. This is obviously frustrating because it has blocked an urgent goal, and you feel helpless and out of control, on top of being stressed. You might deal with this frustration by crashing out and raging; objects will be broken, and curse words will be heard.

When you are frequently frustrated to the point of rage, you need to adjust the way you cope with things. You might need to practically address the situation, such as changing your internet service provider, or you might need to build a new skill set, such as time management, organization, or communication skills.

Channeling your focus and energy into developing new skills will give a more useful avenue for the energy that would otherwise be devoted to tantrums and triggers. This also gives you a feeling of control as you focus on something that you can manage.

Perceived Injustice and Disrespect

You could experience anger problems because of how you feel others are treating you. Anger most commonly is a response to things like injustice, perceived disrespect, and feeling devalued by others. Although you might not want to hear it, your angry responses to the things currently happening to you might be linked to painful experiences in your past.

If you constantly felt overlooked in childhood, if your preferences were never considered, or if you were constantly criticized over issues that were not your fault, these situations will likely be triggers for you until you begin addressing them.

A Cover for Pain

Though it might be uncomfortable to hear, anger is most commonly a mask for pain. Men especially have a hard time being vulnerable and honest with their emotions, and it feels safer to express anger than it is to show that you are hurt, afraid, insecure, or sad. It’s deeply unpleasant to feel helpless, especially when others look to you for leadership and strength. Anger and rage feel like empowering emotions, even though they cause more harm than good.

There is no easy or quick way to resolve anger problems because most often they are connected to deeper, more personal issues. Don’t let that discourage you from facing your issues head-on. The past is never truly in the past, and our wounds only begin to heal when we acknowledge them.

Sometimes, however, a breakthrough comes in ways you would have never expected. You might benefit from adjusting your routine, changing your approach to frustrating blockages, or having some honest conversations with a counselor or close friend.

Anger is not always a problem, but it is also not an empowering or sustainable response. You are not doomed to stay trapped with anger problems, but you must be willing to be vulnerable and honest with someone.

Just as new life appears after a forest fire has ravaged nature, so can there be fruit in the life that has been burned by rage. The sooner you begin addressing your anger problems, the sooner you can develop healthier responses to life’s frustrating developments.

If you would like to meet with a counselor to begin addressing your anger problems, we can help connect you with one. We hope you will find someone suitable in our online catalog of counselors. If you would rather speak with someone to arrange counseling sessions, our reception team will help connect you with someone.