Nurturing Your Wellbeing: How to Deal with Anger Issues

Television and other media have popularized the image of a person having two angels on their shoulder. There’s a good angel who urges them to do the right thing in all circumstances, but there’s also a bad angel who calls on the person’s worst impulses and persuades them to give in to them. While it’s a dubious idea, it does provide us with an interesting visualization of the natures that war within us.

It was the apostle Paul who wrote, “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.” (Romans 7:15, NIV). People, including Christians, often find themselves struggling with what they know they ought to be doing. This struggle happens when it comes to dealing with emotions like anger. You might know what to do but find yourself doing the exact opposite.

Anger issues affect men and women, young and old, and they can cause untold devastation in a person’s life. If you struggle with anger, you need to have handy tools to deal with it so that it’s under control.

Do you have anger issues?

One of the main questions a person may ask themselves is whether they have anger issues. Anger can be expressed in so many different ways. We may think of a bar brawl or one lover defending their loved one’s honor through their fists or thrown objects, but is this the only way that anger looks?

Anger can indeed look that way, but there are other ways for anger to manifest itself. We typically feel angry when we feel threatened, or a boundary has been crossed. When your physical safety is under threat, that can make you angry. Similarly, if you or someone important to you is threatened, insulted, demeaned, or spurned, that can make you angry.

We don’t get angry at the same things or in the same way. Some people are completely unfazed when another person cuts in line in front of them. Other people will explode with anger if there’s even a hint of that. Since anger gets expressed and is triggered in such different ways, how can you tell if you have anger issues?

Basically, if you struggle to manage your anger, that is, if your anger overwhelms you and you struggle to calm down once you’ve gotten angry, that’s a sign you may have anger issues. Also, if your anger results in harmful behaviors such as being verbally or physically abusive of others or yourself, that’s also a red flag. Lastly, if you experience anger frequently and intensely, and it’s often in response to minor triggers, that’s also a warning sign.

If you’re asking yourself if you have anger issues, take the time to reflect on whether you have frequent and intense episodes of anger; whether and how your anger impacts your daily life as well as your relationships; and if you have the ability to control your anger and calm yourself down once you get angry.

How Anger Presents Itself

If you look for anger only in egregious outward displays like shouting, hitting, or cursing at others, you’re likely to miss it when it shows up in other ways. You might think that you don’t have an anger problem because your anger doesn’t look a certain way, but you could be sorely mistaken. Anger can be expressed in those outward, harmful ways, but it can also be expressed in other ways.

Anger can be directed outward toward others in passive aggressive ways. That could be through a person procrastinating and dragging their feet on an unpleasant task. Anger could also be manifested through sulking or giving silent treatment to the person you’re angry with. Sarcasm or making snide comments can also be another passive-aggressive move, as can quietly sabotaging a project.

Not only can anger be directly outwardly, but it can also be directed inwardly, too. This might look like a person suppressing or repressing their anger. Instead of allowing themselves to acknowledge and feel their anger, they can push it down or even pretend it doesn’t exist. Others may direct anger inward by calling themselves names, self-harming by cutting, pulling their own hair, or starving themselves.

In contrast, healthy anger ought to be expressed, but in clear, assertive, and respectful ways. Anger doesn’t necessarily cause harm to others; it can be expressed in ways that help you address the threat or broken boundary without breaking a relationship or resulting in harm to others.

Anger Issues: The Effect on Your Wellbeing

Being angry and having anger issues can have a significant impact on a person’s well-being. Anger affects you emotionally, socially, and physically. For instance, if anger holds sway in your life, you’ll be subject to mood swings. You might be irritable and mental health concerns like anxiety and depression may arise. Likewise, it may lead to low self-esteem.

Anger can affect your physical health. Getting angry makes changes to your body. You may have noticed when you get angry how your face feel flushed, your muscles might tense up, and your heart starts beating fast. These and other physiological changes result from your body releasing adrenaline and cortisol. The problem is that if you’re angry often or for a prolonged period of time, that places your body under strain.

Some of the physical consequences of prolonged anger include health issues like cardiovascular disease, hypertension, headaches and migraines, digestive issues, and a weakened immune system, meaning you can get sick much easier. In the moment, anger can make you feel powerful, but it can do a lot of damage to your body in the short and long-term.

Anger can also affect your well-being by impacting your relationships. It’s not uncommon for people to say things in anger that they regret in the moment, or soon thereafter. Letting anger get the best of you can result in social isolation, having difficulty forming and keeping intimate relationships, strained relationships at your workplace, and conflict with your friends and family. Anger may even result in verbal abuse toward others.

As you go about your day, being angry may lead you into impulsive or reckless behavior. After all, anger can short-circuit your brain’s ability to make rational decisions. Poor decisions made in anger may result in increased stress down the line as you begin dealing with the consequences of actions performed in anger. Your finances, productivity, time management, and career prospects can all be affected by your anger.

Anger can leave you and others scarred and deeply marked in ways that aren’t easily reversed. In some instances, acting in anger can be a thing of the moment, but you could wind up in significant legal trouble that lasts a lifetime as a result. If you or a loved one has anger issues, it’s important to seek help to better manage that anger and bring it under control.

Dealing Effectively with Anger Issues

Dealing with anger doesn’t mean getting rid of any feelings of anger you possess. In fact, anger is an entirely appropriate emotional reaction in many situations. If you see wanton destruction of human or non-human life, it’s right that you feel angry about it. The issue with anger is two-fold: feeling it when it is appropriate to do so, and then acting meaningfully in response to that anger. A person with anger issues struggles with one or both of these.

To effectively address anger issues requires a multi-pronged approach. It depends on how easily triggered you are, how angry you get, and what you typically do with that anger. It is, in some ways, an area where there’ll be much trial and error until you find what works well for you. Some ways to deal with anger issues include the following:

Nurturing self-awareness

Take the time to identify your own anger triggers and recognize the signs of anger. If you know what to look out for, you’ll be better prepared to deal with it. You can journal or practice mindfulness to become more self-aware.

Acknowledge your feelings

Don’t hide from or minimize your feelings of anger. Be aware of them, and name them for what they are.

Develop your communication skills

Anger can sometimes be triggered by poor listening, using catastrophic thinking, or being judgmental instead of empathetic toward others. If you learn active and empathetic listening, and if you set and communicate clear boundaries, that can go a long way to addressing some of the sources of anger.

By using assertive “I” statements without blaming or shaming others, you can express your anger effectively without damaging your relationships.

Self–care

Being able to regulate your emotions can happen through various interventions. Exercise, using creative outlets for self-expression, sleeping well, taking breaks, deep-breathing exercises are just a few of the ways to take care of yourself and your capacity to respond well to aggravation.

Different mindset

Anger is also often about your mindset. Challenging negative or catastrophic thoughts as well as unfair judgments of others can help in reducing anger. Practicing gratitude can also affect your mood and how you react to situations. You can also choose not to take offense, offer forgiveness, or give the benefit of the doubt when doing otherwise could cause the situation to flare up.

Seek help

Through support groups, anger management classes, and anger management therapy, you can also bring anger under control. Your therapist may have specialized training in handling issues of anger, and they can help you take control of your life and handle anger effectively.

Reach out for help

If your anger issues have you concerned, reach out to our offices today. The therapists in our office have mature Christian faith, along with skillful ways of helping you heal. Contact us for an appointment today.