Overcoming Social Anxiety: 6 Tips to Consider

Social anxiety can keep us prisoners. It can make us miss out on special events and opportunities. Overcoming social anxiety can help you regain what the condition has stolen from you and get you back into enjoying life again.

A story about social anxiety

Miranda drove to the Christmas event while chewing on her bottom lip. She wasn’t prepared for this, but her children wanted to watch the nativity play and attend the party afterward. Miranda wanted to make them happy.

But as Miranda drove, her stomach tightened. Next came the familiar sensation of nausea and dizziness. Would she pass out? She gripped the steering wheel tighter, her knuckles turning white. Deep breaths. She needed deep breaths.

Miranda was close to tears when she pulled into the church’s parking lot. Her children didn’t seem to notice as they bounded out of the car to meet with their friends. But Miranda couldn’t join them yet. The pain in her chest was real. She wanted to go home.

Tips for overcoming social anxiety

Overcoming social anxiety is possible, although it may take the help of a mental health professional and time. Many people find that taking baby steps by exposing them slowly to a trigger leaves them with a sense of achievement and boosts their confidence. The person with social anxiety is more likely to try again once they have a few of these “wins” under their belt.

The following is a list of tips for overcoming social anxiety.

Recognize what triggers your anxiety

Can you identify your triggers in a stressful situation? Is it public speaking or having everyone’s attention focused on you? Is it a fear of embarrassing yourself or offending someone? Triggers come in many forms; you can often have more than one trigger.

For example, you may have trouble meeting new people and making small talk. These triggers might send you spiraling with physical and emotional symptoms hours or days before the event. When you are aware of what triggers your anxiety, you can learn specific coping strategies.

You may want to consult a therapist about various coping mechanisms for overcoming social anxiety triggers.

Flip the script on negative emotions

An intense emotion arises when you face a trigger. You may feel fear, nervousness, or dread. But what if you flip the negative emotion and label it something more positive? For example, instead of labeling an emotion as fear because you are afraid of offending someone or being rejected, try telling yourself that you have every right to attend an event or shop in a store.

Sometimes it takes saying a positive affirmation repeatedly before we start to believe it. This is because we have spent many years lying to ourselves, believing our version of the truth or someone else’s opinion. It can be hard to overcome these negative comments; it is as if they have made deep grooves in our brains.

Write down what new belief you need to remember and post it where you can see it. Then, say it throughout the day, especially before a social outing. Eventually, the new belief will take root.

Challenge yourself

Since social anxiety can be debilitating, you will want to take baby steps. For example, you may want to start by calling a friend to join you for lunch at a café. Or, if you have trouble shopping inside stores, commit to making a short run to a less busy store this week.

As you approach the café or store, acknowledge your emotions and thoughts, then use reframing to flip your negative thoughts into a positive affirmation. You can do this. Breathe deeply.

After completing your first social outing, note it in a journal or share the experience with your therapist. Then, repeat these challenges until you are ready to move on to a larger-scale event. Your self-esteem and confidence will build by challenging yourself and overcoming fear through a baby-step approach.

Question your thoughts

It is our thoughts that control our emotions, and it’s those emotions that can derail us. But what if you challenge your negative thoughts and stop the cycle? Question your thoughts against reality.

For example, if you are concerned about saying the wrong thing if your boss calls on you during a meeting, ask yourself why. Are you afraid of embarrassing yourself and letting your boss down? Has that happened to you before? Has another coworker embarrassed themselves during a meeting when put on the spot?

If the answer is yes, ask yourself what that person did. Did they laugh or smile and assure the boss they would get the information to them later in the day?

Most likely, that coworker did not die of embarrassment. If you know someone who has gone through a stressful situation and lived to tell the tale, consider modeling their behavior until you feel confident.

Visualize the situation

Imagination is a powerful, creative form that can change your perspective. Visualizing yourself conquering a social situation can give you a sense of achievement and confidence. You may feel silly at first until you get used to the practice of visualization.

What social situation or event do you have coming up soon? For example, maybe you have grocery shopped using curbside service, but you want to go inside the giant store for the first time in a couple of years. Close your eyes and “see” yourself climbing out of the car and walking to the doors of the store. How do you carry yourself? Do you keep your head up and back straight? What do you see when you walk inside? Will you grab a shopping cart?

Visualizing and executing your imagined actions can make you feel like an actor on a stage. You are playing the part of a confident man or woman on a mission. Sometimes “faking it until you make it” is the best advice.

Extend grace to yourself

When it comes to social anxiety, we need to extend grace to ourselves. It is hard to confront those compulsions to run and hide, to seek safety when we feel threatened. The threat is not as others may perceive, such as an armed lunatic chasing you, yet social anxiety creates the same fear. We react to a trigger the same way.

As you work toward overcoming social anxiety, challenge yourself and be willing to cut yourself some slack. If you need help, find support from a friend, or contact a therapist. Choose to try a little more every day to move past your anxiety. For example, maybe this means checking your mailbox while your neighbors are outside. Or challenge yourself to visit the library on your own, smiling and making eye contact with each patron and clerk as you pass.

Little steps toward freedom from social anxiety will add up. However, there will be times when you just can’t. That is okay too. When this happens, break it down and analyze why it happened and what you can do to get yourself from Point A to Point B. Using the example above, are you afraid the neighbors will speak to you? Or are you afraid they might make fun of you? Ask yourself why your fear exists. You may want to delve deeper into this topic with a therapist.

Reach out to a therapist

Overcoming social anxiety may require reaching out to a therapist. A therapist can help you identify triggers and practice strategies in a safe environment. Depending on your comfort level, you can choose to have therapy sessions in person or virtually. Having someone to support you as you take baby steps in overcoming social anxiety is vital to your mental health.

You choose the therapist best for your situation and one of our assistants can help you choose one specializing in anxiety and depression. Give us a call today.