Peace Talks: Navigating Relationship Issues with Family

Sometimes it seems easier to live with God than to love and live with His people. However, God does not separate these behaviors. How we love God is reflected in how we love His people (Matthew 22:37-40). That can be troublesome especially if the experiences we have had with others have been marked by pain and relationship issues.

What do we do when the difficulties we experience come through other believers? How do we reconcile this disconnection when the template for relationships was scarred by trauma early in life? Learning to manage those feelings presents an inherent conflict between wanting to withdraw from relationships while walking in fellowship with the Lord.

When we consider the Bible, we experience as much turmoil in interpersonal interactions as some of the brothers and sisters who preceded us in the faith. The Lord reveals the origins of our greatest relationship challenges in the first family in Genesis. However, the story doesn’t end there but rather opens a path to behold the greatest redemption.

The word of God is not only a mirror that reflects and highlights areas for growth and change, it is sharp enough to remove and repair the mindsets that destroy our relationships (James 1:22-24; Hebrews 4:12). From its examples and illustrations of real families who stumbled their way through learning how to love one another despite relationship issues while loving God, we can find hope for our own.

Peace With Self

Part of having peace with others is having peace with self. While that is its own topic, we need to foster confidence in the identity that God has given us. We must seek the One who created us in His image to get to know ourselves and the roles for which He has created, chosen, and called us. While we may feel tempted to divert our attention to what others need to do to enhance their lives, we must concern ourselves with what needs attention in our own souls.

God has greatness for us to experience with Him right now, and as we walk through our healing journey, the Lord establishes His peace deeply and thoroughly in us so our lives can offer hope and help to others.

Peace With Others

God didn’t create us to live in silos. As a triune being, Father, Savior, and indwelling Spirit, He consulted with Himself to form us for fellowship. When He placed us in Christ’s Body, He did it with community and family in mind. While He is aware that relationships can be unpredictable, messy, and even hurtful, they can also reflect the beauty of abiding together in harmony. We are to complement one another as we love, serve, pray, and wash one another’s feet.

The diversity of our gifts and unique abilities are fueled by One Holy Spirit who surges through all the parts of Christ’s Body to accomplish the Father’s purpose. Unfortunately, our fallen humanity and the parts of our souls that need renewal often bump up against each other.

It can leave us and those we love bruised and wounded. That may not be our intent, but it is part of our experience. That does not mean that we disengage from relationships but rather allow the Spirit of God to counsel us on how to govern them.

The Father created us for a joint experience and expression of His nature. It requires His Word to dwell in us richly. No relationship is perfect, but pursuing peace reflects the Father’s Heart in us. As we learn to abide in our identity as sons and daughters who are fully loved, we can engage others from peace and wholeness. We don’t have to cringe, compare, or compete with one another. Our identity and worth are established in God, which offers safety and security, even as we learn to follow peace with each other.

Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. – Hebrews 12:14, NIV

Navigating Conflict

While conflict is within the normal range of experiences we encounter with other humans, our interactions don’t have to be contentious. Let’s remember that God only consulted with Himself when He created humanity. We don’t get a vote in how people choose to walk out their call, nor do they elect how we walk with God in ours.

Sometimes the differences in our vision and expression cause rifts, but even if we are family, we don’t always have to verbalize our opinions. Some of the conflicts we experience can be avoided by letting go of our need to offer input into areas where it is not requested.

Navigating Communication

Communication is part of learning to resolve conflict. While we may agree to disagree, we must do it with respect as speaking the truth in love promotes peace. Engaging with others involves both speaking and listening. When we talk with our family members, we need to consider what we say and how we say it. When we must address difficult topics, we need to ask the Lord to guide our words and help us to speak words that will offer life.

The Holy Spirit will not only give us what to say but direct us away from what would otherwise destroy. Furthermore, He will help us to process what we hear so that we slowly halt the assignment of offense.

There will be times when others say what we don’t agree with or like. That is part of being human, but we can learn to hear the core message. Learning to love others and overlook faults allows us to embrace healthy conversations that allow for different ideas and expressions, without judging or criticizing.

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. – James 1:19, NIV

Navigating Connection

We may see or want other things for our family members, but part of maintaining a connection that makes for peace and healthy relationships involves a degree of self-control, one of the manifestations of spiritual fruit (Galatians 5:22-23).

We have to consider that they have a God to serve, in the same way that we do. We have different calls and assignments, personalities, and experiences that contribute to how God wants to show Himself through each of us.

When we anchor our conflict and communication around the abiding truth that we belong to one Lord and Father, we are reminded that we represent different ways that God has chosen to express His creativity (Ephesians 4:6). Appreciation for our unique characteristics can serve to complement one another and build instead of tearing each other down.

Next Steps to Overcome Relationship Issues

It is up to us to partner with the Spirit of Christ to walk out our faith in love, not only receiving His validation but also releasing that love into our actions with others. When peace with others seems elusive, we need to seek the One who is the Prince of Peace. He intended for us to live in community.

As difficult as it may be, there is grace available to do it by the power of the Spirit. It is not a suggestion, but rather an integrated part of His operator manual as we consider the Bible not only for inspiration and our entertainment but rather as instruction for life.

As you seek His guidance for overcoming relationship issues, you may realize a need to unlearn certain elements of your past. You may also want to forge new strategies and skills to communicate and connect in ways that honor God, yourself, and those around you.

Begin by using this site to search for a counselor. When you locate what seems like a match, reach out for an appointment. While family relationship issues don’t change overnight, you can embrace hope and help to navigate peace talks with those you love.