Signs of Social Anxiety to Look Out for in a Loved One

More than anything, we want our loved ones to be happy. As well-placed as this intention can be, one challenge that can come up is that our definition of “happiness” and our loved one’s definition of happiness might not always align perfectly. This can be a source of conflict as two people who love each other try to navigate life together.

Knowing your loved one’s struggles can put you in a position where you can stand in the gap for them, supporting them as they need it. With social anxiety, it’s important to know the signs of it, as well as how best to support your loved one if they are socially anxious. Just as there are helpful ways to be present and supportive, there are also unhelpful ones, and knowing the difference matters.

The Signs of Social Anxiety

People have feelings of anxiety in a variety of circumstances. Some people thrive in a setting with lots of people, engaging in conversation with strangers, or talking through ideas in a public forum like a meeting or classroom. For other people, these things are dreadful, in the literal sense. It takes enormous amounts of energy to be in those kinds of spaces, and once there, it’s a matter of hanging on until it’s all over.

A person’s anxiety in social settings can become so severe that it begins to interfere with their daily functioning. At that point, it could be diagnosed as a social anxiety disorder by a mental health professional. Social anxiety disorder can make life – whether that’s hanging out with loved ones, going to work, doing your grocery shopping, or going to the doctor – hard.

Anxiety has tell-tale signs, as it affects you physically, mentally, and emotionally. If your loved one has social anxiety, you may witness some of these, or they may communicate them to you. Some of the signs of social anxiety that you can look out for in your loved one include the following:

Behavioral signs If your loved one consistently declines to participate in parties, social gatherings, or events, or if they avoid interacting with people in large groups or unfamiliar settings, that could point to social anxiety. A person with social anxiety might prefer texting or instant messaging to in-person or live conversations. They may also struggle to initiate or maintain conversations with other people.

Physical and emotional signs Your loved one may experience and express serious concern about being in social situations. This includes fearing judgment, rejection, or embarrassment about their public interactions with others.

They may also be too critical of themselves, expressing fears that they aren’t good enough or that they’ll make mistakes or embarrass themselves in social interactions with others.

Additionally, your loved one may also replay conversations, analyzing the interaction over and over again and pointing out what they should or should not have said or done at that time. They may also experience mood swings, including being irritable or restless when they have to get into social situations.

Physically, your loved one might experience heart palpitations or a rapid heartbeat, trembling, nausea, or sweating at the prospect of social situations, or when they are in those situations.

Verbal cues It’s important to pay attention to any verbal cues your loved one gives you that could indicate they struggle with social anxiety. That could be explicitly expressing dread or anxiety about an upcoming social occasion, or by seeking reassurance whenever they have social interactions. Before, during, or after social scenarios, they may also engage in negative self-talk or put themselves down.

Your loved one may also subtly communicate their discomfort in social situations by making excuses to avoid being in social situations. This includes being busy, sick, or feeling too tired to get involved.

When it comes to social anxiety, your loved one needs to meet with a professional to receive an accurate diagnosis. There are shades of anxiety, and some of them may be rooted in being shy. It’s also possible that what’s happening isn’t related to social anxiety as such, but discomfort in particular settings or company. This ambiguity can cause friction, and it’s one reason to get a diagnosis that can be addressed with treatment.

Regardless of the diagnosis, it’s important to be patient with your loved one. If they are uncomfortable in particular social settings, gently explore the reasons and work out the underlying concerns. Whether the issue is social anxiety or discomfort because of the company or the settings, extending grace to one another and allowing others to define their own boundaries is important.

Recognizing social anxiety in your loved one can help you better understand their needs and offer support in ways that will make a difference to them.

The Impact of Social Anxiety on Your Loved One

Social anxiety isn’t easy to live with. We are deeply relational creatures, and missing out on human connection can have small and large ramifications in a person’s life. Whether your loved one has been dealing with social anxiety for a short period or most of their life, carrying social anxiety is hard, and your support can make a tangible difference.

One way social anxiety impacts someone is that it can be a huge source of emotional distress for them. Social anxiety can result in a constant fear of being evaluated, rejected, or judged by others. Social situations are fraught with anxiety, even though they know there is no logical reason to be feeling that way. The struggles with social anxiety can result in self-doubt and self-criticism, leading to poor confidence and low self-esteem.

One (unhealthy) way to cope with social anxiety is to withdraw from social gatherings. The thinking is that if you avoid such events, then you avoid the occasion to get anxious or potentially embarrass yourself. Another way to cope with social anxiety is to rehearse or prepare excessively, which can make social interactions exhausting to engage in.

Anxiety has physiological effects on a person, and some of the effects of social anxiety include having poor or disturbed sleep on account of stress and racing thoughts. Additionally, the constant effort to manage social anxiety can also leave a person feeling depleted or exhausted, and lacking energy for social gatherings. It ends up being something like a vicious circle.

A person with social anxiety can find that their life and ability to tackle daily activities are disrupted in small and large ways. Activities like school, work, and hobbies may become cumbersome or difficult to attend to, especially when they involve social interaction or evaluation of some kind.

Lastly, social anxiety can make it challenging to form and maintain relationships that bring meaning to life. Social anxiety can lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness; a desire to connect with others that’s continually frustrated can lead to a fear of intimacy. Social anxiety can also strain existing relationships in various ways, including losing opportunities to interact and share new memories.

How to Support Your Loved One with Social Anxiety

If your loved one has social anxiety, how do you come alongside them in loving support? For one thing, you can extend empathy and understanding toward them. Social anxiety is challenging, and it’s not always understood, especially in a culture that’s wired toward certain forms of social interaction. Offer your loved one emotional support, and this can come in the form of creating space for them to share their feelings and concerns.

Additionally, there are situations in which you can help your loved one by walking alongside them as they prepare for social situations. If they’re going for a job interview or a date, for example, you can help by rehearsing conversations with them or by practicing relaxation and visualization techniques with them.

Lastly, you can help your loved one by encouraging them to seek professional help. A therapist or counselor who specializes in anxiety disorders can help. Techniques like cognitive behavioral therapy, which identify and challenge negative thought patterns that worsen anxiety, in combination with medication when needed, can bring social anxiety under control.

A counselor can also help your loved one with strategies for calming themselves and managing their anxiety better. With the support of a counselor, it’s possible for your loved one to face social situations with growing confidence and to improve their quality of life.

For more information and to schedule an appointment, contact our office today.