Dealing with Grief Through the Holidays: Seven Tips

The holiday season is upon us. While this is generally a time of the year that is looked forward to with joy and anticipation, for some, that is not the case. For those who have experienced the death of someone significant, the holidays are a struggle, often a painful reminder of that person who is no longer here.

Grief does not take a break because of the holidays. In truth, grief may be felt more strongly at times, with many triggers from traditions, people, sights, and smells. If your loss is recent and this is your first holiday season without them, it is okay to accept that this holiday season will be different. Here are seven tips to help you deal with grief this holiday season.

Seven Tips for Dealing with Grief Through the Holidays

Embrace your grief

Do not push down your emotions; allow time to grieve. If you feel sad, sit in the sadness for a time. Feel the weight of your loss.

Take time to cry, let out, and not push down emotions. God knows your sorrow; Psalm 56:8 reads “You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.” Crying allows you to empty yourself and make room for God.

Bring your feelings to God in lament. To lament is to express deep regret, grief, or sorrow. Christian lament is talking to God about the pain, bringing your complaints to Him, hoping in His promises, and trusting in His goodness.

By being intentional in making time to embrace your grief, you are taking control of your emotions.

Remember the person

Spend time reflecting on the memories of your loved one. It is all right to have fun, experience joy, and laugh while grieving. Some ideas to honor your loved one include:

• Make a memory box in which you and others may write and place stories.
• Get a commemorative ornament to put on the tree.
• Listen to music that your loved one enjoyed.
• Make favorite dishes of your loved one.
• Look at or create a photo album.
• Sharing stories with friends and family members.

Remembering and retelling the story of your loved one helps you to move from understanding the loss in your head to connecting the loss in your heart.

Avoid self-isolation

Intentionally staying away from others is self-isolation. While it may be challenging to be around other people, it is important not to isolate yourself, as it will prolong your grief. Find ways to communicate and connect with other people.

It is easier now than ever to communicate via social media, email, texting, or phone, but to truly stay connected, it is vital to meet with people. Reconnect with someone over a cup of coffee or have lunch with a friend who is willing to listen.

Also, creating a routine is helpful, especially during the holiday season. Make a timeline or list of items you would like to accomplish, as it may be challenging to focus and keep organized during your grief. While you may not participate in all the festivities, maintaining or creating new traditions is helpful. Reach out to others to fill in the gap. If you and your spouse always select a Christmas tree, ask a family member or friend to accompany you.

Reach out to others who are hurting

Help others who are hurting during the holiday season by donating to a charity in the name of your loved one. Joining a grief group provides you with an opportunity to not only share your story but also listen to others who are on their own grief journey – an opportunity to realize you are not alone and that others understand your pain.

Volunteer at the local mission or food pantry, visit a nursing home or a children’s hospital, or invite an individual or family in need or without family to join you for a holiday meal. Giving your time to others in need is a way to distract yourself from your grief and support others in the spirit of the holiday season.

Plan ahead

As the invitations begin and the plans are being made, you must decide what is right for you. Do not feel you must do everything you have always done over the holidays. Look for triggers, albeit a significant date, a particular activity, or certain people, and plan accordingly. Let others know you will not participate this year as it is too difficult. It is acceptable and necessary for your healing to be honest and say you are struggling or sad.

Be mindful that while you may plan, there may still be those unexpected moments that hit hard – a particular smell, a favorite dish, or a song on the radio. For me, going to get a scoop of chocolate almond ice cream, my mom’s favorite brought me to tears. Those times of sadness will happen but will get better with time – fewer and further apart.

If you are attending a gathering, have an exit if you begin to feel overwhelmed. If you think that it may be challenging, plan to only stay for a short time or leave early. Communicate with your host in advance. Would it be OK to let them know at the last minute, as you are unsure of what you may be experiencing on your grief journey? Let them know that you will come but may need to leave early. Or ask if you could bring a friend or family member to help navigate the evening.

Take care of yourself

Grief is a personal journey that varies from person to person. Find the balance in your activities of participation so that you do not self-isolate but allow times of solitude so that you do not become overwhelmed. Practice self-care by utilizing coping skills.

Coping skills ideas include:

• As mentioned before, embrace your emotions.
• Journal your thoughts, emotions, and experiences.
• Exercise.
• Take a hot bath.
• Spend time with a friend.
• Participate in a favorite hobby or try something new.
• Take a walk.
• Pray and meditate on God’s word.
• Listen to music or an encouraging podcast.

Encouragement

Reflect on God’s Word and character. The God who will heal, rescue, and comfort provides encouragement and strength.

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. – Psalm 147:3, ESV

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. – Psalm 34:18, ESV

So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again, and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy. – John 16:22, NIV

I can do all things through him who strengthens me. – Philippians 4:13, ESV

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. – Philippians 4:6, ESV

GOD’S PROMISE

God never promised a life without pain,
Laughter without tears or sun without rain.
But He did promise strength for the day,
Comfort for the tears and the light for the way,
And for all who believe In His Heaven above
He rewards their faith In His everlasting love. – Anonymous

Next Steps

The holiday season is a time of gatherings of families and friends, traditions new and old. It is normally a time of joy and excitement, but it can also be a time of difficulty and sorrow for those grieving the death of a loved one.

Dealing with grief through the holidays is challenging, but embracing your grief, remembering the person, not isolating, reaching out to those in need, planning, practicing self-care, and reflecting on God’s Word will help you to enjoy not just survive this holiday season.

If you feel overwhelmed or confused by grief, you may benefit from working with a Christian counselor.