How Self-Compassion Can Help With Depression

Self-compassion means having a positive attitude toward yourself that enables you to get through difficult times in life. Along with this attitude comes the ability to treat yourself with kindness, understanding, and acceptance. Self-compassion includes self-talk and self-care activities, which will be discussed in more detail.

When you find yourself feeling more down than usual or even struggling with clinical depression (depressed mood that lasts longer than two weeks and includes other symptoms), what is your internal dialogue? Are you kind and compassionate or critical and neglectful of yourself? Self-talk or internal dialogue is often self-critical, negative, and hurtful.

Your internal dialogue likely includes things that you would never say to a friend, especially one who is facing a difficult time or feeling depressed. Do you criticize yourself for being lazy, ungrateful, angry, or irritable? Or is your inner dialogue kind, compassionate, and encouraging to yourself? Even if you tend to be critical and negative, you can choose and intentionally change this narrative, which can help with depression.

Please note that self-compassion is not self-pity, as it involves treating yourself with kindness, understanding, and acceptance. Self-compassion is acknowledging your imperfections as a human and recognizing that suffering is a part of the human experience, and having the self-awareness to know that there are things you can do that will help.

Self-pity involves indulgence and feeling sorry for yourself without the desire to feel better. It is important to care for yourself during a difficult time with the confidence that you will feel better. It is also believing and trusting that God is with you and will help you. Romans 12:2 says, “Let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.”

It can be difficult to have positive thoughts when feeling depressed. Perhaps you are going through the end of a relationship, loss of a job, dealing with an illness, grieving the death of someone, or facing financial difficulties, which cause worry, stress, and sadness.

Compassionate self-talk includes prayers, reminding yourself that you have support, that it is ok to ask for help, that you will get through this, and it is okay not to be perfect. All of this is instead of beating yourself up with self-hate, criticism, and thoughts that things will never change. These types of negative thoughts will just pop up and are often impossible to control.

However, you can choose to focus on a second thought. This is where you can choose to be kind and encourage yourself. Choosing a scripture that you find encouraging can be powerful. Focusing your thoughts on God’s truth is a wonderful way to improve your inner dialogue.

As you continue to practice self-compassion, you are physically re-wiring your brain and developing stronger pathways for positive thoughts. As you quiet the part of your brain that holds negative ruminations, you simultaneously activate the part of your brain that creates and holds positive emotions and self-regulation.

Philippians 4:8 tells us to “think on whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent or praiseworthy” and by doing so, the peace of God will be with us. I’m paraphrasing the scripture to show that having positive thoughts will result in inner peace.

Life is hard, and it is okay to struggle and be sad and angry because you are human. You may develop clinical depression that lingers and requires treatment with medication. All are part of being human and living in a world where people make mistakes, and we are hurt, and things just don’t go as expected. The key is to accept this and be kind and compassionate during times when life is difficult, rather than being critical that you are struggling.

Self-compassion is not only about your narrative but also includes self-care activities. Often, depression depletes energy, and normal self-care decreases. Basic care of good nutrition, exercise, and adequate sleep are especially important during challenging times in life. Unfortunately, they are often neglected.

You may want to shift how you manage self-care during times of depression. For example, if you normally went to the gym 3-4 times a week, as depression increased, energy decreased, and you might stop going to the gym. Rather than waiting until you have the energy to get back to your routine at the gym, start with a five-minute walk away from your home and back several times a week.

Instead of grabbing fast food because you don’t feel like cooking, grab a salad or a nutritious smoothie. Keep things in the fridge or pantry that are easy and healthy at eye level. Self-compassion includes extra acts of kindness for yourself that will boost your spirit, ease your stress, and remind you that you are loved and not alone.

Buy yourself flowers, light nice-smelling candles, take a bubble bath, listen to uplifting music, or sit outside and enjoy the sounds of nature. Spend time with a pet or a good friend. Think of what you might suggest doing with or for a friend going through a difficult time, and do it for yourself.

While this can be difficult when depressed and stressed, one small positive action can make a difference and lead to another, and eventually, a snowball effect happens, which helps with your depressed mood.

It is important to realize that there are specific symptoms of depression, including loss of interest in things previously enjoyed, fatigue, feelings of worthlessness or guilt, difficulty concentrating, and sleep disturbance, among others. Self-compassion includes reminding yourself that you are not your symptoms and that whatever symptoms you are experiencing are not character flaws but symptoms that can and need to be addressed.

For example, you may no longer enjoy being with your spouse. However, this doesn’t necessarily mean you are failing as a spouse or that there is a problem with your marriage. It indicates you might be experiencing a symptom of depression. The self-compassionate approach would be to know this is temporary, and as the depression is treated, this symptom will be relieved.

One of the most important self-care activities you can do is to get treatment with a therapist, attend a support group, or talk with your PCP about how you’re feeling. Even though this involves someone else, it starts with you and only happens when you care enough for yourself to seek help.

Maintaining self-compassion even when not experiencing depression can help build some emotional protection and resiliency to face difficult times in life. Maintaining a habit of positive self-talk and self-care will help develop an emotionally positive attitude. This will help protect against the negative consequences of self-judgment, isolation, and ruminations that are associated with depression.

Scriptures encourage us to live this way as Ephesians 4:29 says (paraphrased) let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them (including yourself). It is not just about what you think and do, but self-compassion also includes what you allow yourself to be exposed to.

If all you hear and see is negative news and comments, it is going to be extremely difficult to have positive thoughts. Self-care may include unplugging from certain social media sites, news channels, and even certain people in your life. 1 Corinthians 15:33 reminds us that bad company corrupts good morals. While self-compassion is extremely important, compassion from others is important as well.

Who encourages and comforts you? Where do you get positive messages from? Technology can be helpful if we are selective, and various apps and websites provide encouraging stories, positive affirmations, and daily scriptures to remind us of the goodness of God. It takes wisdom to select what and who to allow in our lives. Praying for wisdom in these decisions is an excellent form of self-care.

If you are going through a difficult time, struggling with depression, or would just like to learn to be more self-compassionate, please contact me at 469-333-6163 to schedule an appointment. I would be blessed to share more information on this topic with you and share your journey of healing from depression and developing a life of self-compassion.